The Sum Is Greater Than Its Parents

When you first become a parent, you have some pretty stupid, uninformed ideas as to what that means. There are SO many things you have to learn, SO many ways you have to grow and mature and SO many ways to be surprised.

For some reason, relishing in my ignorance, I somehow believed that my kids could do no better than what my wife and I genetically bring to the table. Yes, that means I forgot that we both have generations of DNA waiting to be unleashed from family members gone by... I told you, I was an idiot.

So, when my kids started doing things better than I could have ever imagined, it caught me off guard. As a writer, I love words, but my daughter has had a mastery of language that I could not even have comprehended at her age. She is an incredibly talented writer and is able to phrase things in such tremendously beautiful ways.

And my son is a baseball freak, in the best sense of the word. His skills, understanding and competitiveness when it comes to baseball are years ahead of most kids his age. He's eight, can throw over 40 mph fastball and is a switch hitter. I was lucky to remember to wear my cup when I was eight and he's making diving catches at third base.

This pleasant surprise... that my kids have unique talents, has been a great ride for both of us. As a parent, I get to foster their God-given talents and watch them achieve things I could never achieve and they get to have our support and attempt tasks with unknown outcomes with the knowlege that we will be there to catch them if they fall.

Again, I am brought back to the thought that being a parent gives us greater insight into God. That He is there through our journey and will catch us when we fall.

I was sitting in my living room the other night watching my children and I was so filled with love for them. And I looked up to heaven and thought, "God, you love us even more than I love my children, don't you?" How He must take great joy in our overcoming obstacles, of fulfilling our dreams, of sharing that success with Him. As with any parent, you want your children to be both independent and, at the same time, actively involved in your life.

So, as my children continue to explore frontiers specifically designed for them, I sit gladly in the passenger seat and enjoy the ride, all the while reminding myself to make sure God sits next to me when as I brave through my own personal adventures.

Painful Lessons Learned

My heart aches for those pour souls in New Orleans...

The most disheartening aspect of all of this is the fact that so many people who should have known better appear to be caught by surprise.

• If your city is on the coast of the Gulf of Mexico, below sea level, surrounded by a lake and a mighty river and is only dry because of levies and numerous pumping stations, how can the Mayor of New Orleans and the Govenor of Louisiana NOT have a disaster plan in place, ready to go, that facilitates a massive evacuation of a city underwater?
• How can the Mayor and Govenor of Louisiana not have understood the human toll? They know how many people own cars in New Orleans. They also know how many people live in New Orleans. Yet, they did not know that thousands of poor would have no quick way to exit the city?
• How can the Mayor and Govenor of Louisiana provide a "solution" where they plop thousands of people in the Superdome without beds, without water, without food and without generators?
• How can news reporters get into the area, but soldiers or police cannot?
• How can news helicopters fly around, but helicopters full of water cannot?
• How could all of this been a surprise to anyone who's job it is to know that this could happen?

I feel so badly for those displaced people in New Orleans. Personally, I think they should tear everything down, call it Lake New Orleans, and rebuild the place in the spirit of Venice, Italy... a city on the water.

Unfortunately, there are months ahead of more painful lessons to be learned. The only silver lining I can find out of this horrible event is that I hope our government officials are better suited to respond to such widespread destruction in a much more efficient manner. Because I believe it is only a matter of time before a terrorist organization unleases a WMD in the US, whether that be a dirty bomb, a nuke or a virus of some sort... I can only hope and pray that our government response will be vastly better from the lessons learned from the awful events unfolding after Hurricane Katrina.

Home Is Where The Theater Is...

As a movie junkie and theater nut, cinema is my life. If I weren't so religious, the movie theater would be my church and movie actors, my idols.

Human beings are inherently drawn to shared experiences such as family gatherings, sporting events, stage performances and movie theaters. But the pain of the movie experience has quickly outweighed the gain of watching a movie with hundreds of strangers.

Going to the movies used to be a wonderful experience. Something special. For your nickel you got cartoons, new reels, movie serials and perhaps a double feature. Now, for your ten bucks you get 30 minutes of television commercials, 20 minutes of movie trailers, vastly overpriced concession products, cellphones ringing, inconsiderate movie goers, and the first look of a film that will be available on DVD within six months.

Going to the movies used to be an event, now it's an expensive extension of my living room... which made me wonder why I don't just put the theater in my house.

So, in a fit of temporary insanity, I decided to turn my home office into a home theater. I immediately rode the wave of excitement and completely destroyed my office in no time... removing the carpet, tile, everything. Nothing but barren walls and a concrete floor. Then a thought occured to me... putting a movie theater in here is going to cost money! Probably more than I anticipate! Plus, I have no carpentry skills what-so-ever! And I can't do electrical work either!

Huh. This could be a problem.

So, the room sat in its naked state for months as I designed the eventual transformation and bartered some carpentry skills from a good friend. The constuction would consist of five basic areas...
1) an entertainment center to hold the electronics and movie screen
2) a built in desk for my computer and video editing hardware
3) a mini-concessions/candy rack with a mini-fridge, above which would store DVDs
4) a riser in the back half of the room for two-level seating.
5) a mosaic tile of the Local Talent Productions logo.

Eight months have passed and we're finally making headway.

I've finally completed the mini-concession/candy rack area. The mosaic tile is done. We're about 50% done on the desk, 50% done on the entertainment center and 30% done on the risers.

I hope to have it all completed by the start of football season. It may not be completely done, but if it's close enough for me to plop down the projector and watch the Bucs vs. Vikes the first week, I'll be a happy camper. I'll have more on the project as things progress.

In the end, I'll have a small movie theater in my house where my love for movies can be enjoyed, without the interruptions, the commercials and the overly expensive snacks.

God's Plan vs. Our Plan

This week's homily was by a priest in charge of the diocesan vocations for priests, nuns and other religious positions. Being married, the only area of interest for me would be becoming a deacon, but I believe that will have to wait until the kids are out of the house.

In any event, he began his homily with a very simple, yet powerful statement. He explained the God has a plan for all of us and it is up to us as to whether we will follow that plan.

I thought about that for a long time... God has an individually designed specific divine plan for each and every one of us. And, with Free Will, we have the ability to either take that path or ignore God's call. For a long time, I wondered how I was to meld my creative passions with my faith and am actively working toward that end. But is that the right path? My path?

And, yet, I am reminded by the writings of St. Paul when he states that we are all part of God's one body. That, just as our body is made up of different organs and functions, we too bring different talents, skills and paths to God's body. Some of us are apologists, some of us raise our children with God as a focus, some of us evangelize, some of us write, some of us paint, some of us sing, some of us help, some of us lead, some of us follow... but with each skill comes a unique path that God has laid for us... will we take it? I'm sure there will be bumps in the road and the path may, at times, look as if it is leading us into trouble or discomfort, but if it is laid by the Creator, then why do we resist taking it?

I continue to ponder that question, what is God's path for me? And am I willing to trust Him enough to take it? It is only through prayer that the answer will be shown to me... do I have enough faith to pray and ask for that answer? What if God wants me to do something I don't want to do?

Ugh... faith... it sure ain't easy.

Medicine Oil?

Why is the oil industry the only industry that raises prices when they only have the POTENTIAL for issues to arise? I remember when the Exxon Valdes spilled oil in Alaska and suddenly ALL of the oil companies raised prices because of the cost to Exxon on the clean up.

Excuse me?

If I had a sports bar and I was in competition with three other sports bars and I had a fire in my bar, do you think they'd raise prices while I rebuilt? No, they'd watch me die a slow and painful capitalistic death and celebrate their greater share of the sports bar market.

But with the oil companies, if they even hint that one of them is going to have issues, everyone gets in on the "let's screw the average Joe" mentality. So, Hurricane Katrina is going to move through the Gulf of Mexico... let's raise prices! Is there any damage? Don't know, raise prices! But we don't even know what the impact is to the market? We don't need to know, raise prices!

What a scam!

Long mileage hybrids can't come soon enough for me. And here's a message to the hybrid car makers... if home electricians can load up your hybrid car's trunk with batteries and turn their 40 mpg cars into 200 mpg cars, don't you think you guys could at least offer that as an option?

I can't be the only person who thinks of this stuff... I'm simply not that smart!

I should have started an oil company or an insurance company. I'd be filthy rich and then, perhaps, I would understand the justification for screwing hard earned cash out of every American citizen for the sake of my own, excessively deep pockets.

*Sigh* Nah, that wouldn't have helped... my damn morals would have gotten in the way.

Our Prayers Are With You...

Our prayers, this morning, are with the residents of New Orleans and the coast of Mississippi, Alabama and Florida. Having survived four hurricanes last year, we know just how powerful Mother Nature can be when she's ticked off.

I have visited New Orleans a few times. My wife went to college there and we were lucky enough to attend the SEC Championship Game when the Florida Gators took on the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame.

Personally, I found the city of New Orleans to be a city of extremes... a city founded on Catholicism (i.e., what we call counties, they call parishes), full of history and vibrancy, but also oozing with decadence and immorality. As I walked through the historic French Quarter I couldn't help but wonder if Sodom or Gomorrah resembled such a city. New Orleans reminded me of the nature of sin... enticing in the dark, but ugly in the light of day.

I wondered to myself if God's Wrath would eventually wipe the slate clean there and other places. I certainly did not wish any ill will to all of the people there, especially those of faith. But I did wonder if the Old Testament God would revisit our world and set us straight on His path once again.

We have first hand experience of what destruction of a strong hurricane can have on people. Last year we drove down to Wachula, Florida with our church to provide assistance and deliver water and food to those out in the rural areas. It was brutal to see the destruction for miles on end, to see houses and livelihoods turned into an unrecognizable pile of rubble. We were spared such destruction so far and we are grateful.

So, our family has prayed repeatedly for those people about to be impacted by Hurricane Katrina. Perhaps in the turmoil and the removal of temporary, material things, the victims of today's storm will find peace and guidance in our Lord today.

Lord, please be with them all today, in their hours of need.

The Fog of Sin

When I was in young man, I would complain to my father that most priests were very unskilled when it came to public speaking and that this was most apparent during the homily. The homily is the part of the Catholic Mass where the priest, after reading from the Gospels, discusses the readings covered and how they could be implemented in our lives. My father told me that my job was to listen and that the Holy Spirit can work, no matter how unskilled the presentation.

And he's right. So, every Sunday I do my best to listen to the message, not the messenger. However, there have been a few homilies that have really stuck with me.

One of which I remember more for how it struck me as funny than for its divine guidance. It was at a friend's wedding where the priest, who was a good friend of both the groom and me, and whom was concerned about the struggles the couple may face, repeatedly reiterated that they were "going to have problems." God could get them through, but they were "going to have problems!" After the seventh "you're going to have problems" the homily finally ended.

The most gifted homilist I've heard was a priest in college named Father John Oliver. Two of his homilies have stayed with me. One of which, he started by walking into the middle aisle and threw a bunch of change onto the cement floor. Everyone perked up. He then went on to tell us how we should respond to the voice of God the way we responded to the sound of money.

The second homily I remember from him was about sin. He rolled out a very large bowl and he asked us how much water we believed it would take to fill the church with a very thick fog. He then reached into the bowl and pulled out a very small glass of water. His point was, like water vapor, it takes very little sin to cloud our judgment.

As I work toward creating my own Christian film production company, I've written a commercial script based on that homily. I hope to shoot by the end of the year. I'm currently looking for locations of a sound-friendly church with a great looking crucifix. When we're done, we'll make this commercial avalailable to Catholic Churches nationwide. It's the first step in a long process to convert my passions for filmmaking and my faith into a career.

In the meantime, a new priest, Father Michael Morris has joined our parish and the Holy Spirit flows through him and through his homilies. He is a joy to hear and when I get the message, I am appreciative of the messanger as well.

Soul Mates

As a child, my mother used to tell me to pray for my future spouse. Even though I didn't know who my future spouse would be, the Lord knew and He would make sure my prayers went to the right person. So, ever since I was about 10 I had prayed often for my future spouse.

I went through my teen years and college dating various girls, falling in love, but not finding that soul mate. A few years after college my best friend was supposed to volunteer to help out on a church retreat weekend, but he hadn't been able to go to any of the previous meetings and felt awkward showing up late in the process all alone. So, he asked me to go with him. Having nothing better to do, I went along.

During one point of the meeting, this woman entered the room and my soul jumped... that's the best way I can explain it. My soul jumped. As if my soul had recognized her soul as "the one" I had been praying for all of these years. It was the oddest feeling I have ever felt. It was so internal and explosive. It was amazing.

During the meeting the leaders of the weekend somehow thought I had volunteered as well, so I ended up working the church weekend too. Over the course of the weekend I found out this woman who had made my soul leap was named Dea. And that she had a boyfriend.

So, I held my emotions in check and went on with my life. I saw her again months later at a play and found out she was single again. I asked for her number and her friends were stunned that she actually gave me her real phone number. That started the courting process. Over the next three years we dated off an on, liking each other, hating each other, putting up with each other... you know, a lot like marriage.

We finally did end up getting married and it was the best decision I have ever made. I remember people asking me if I was nervous about getting married and I remember telling them "That's just it... I've never been more at peace about anything. That's why I know its right."

Here we are 13 years later, my wife Dea and I are still in love, still falling in love, with two beautiful children and, hopefully, years and years of getting to know each other better. She is my best friend. She fills all of my weaknesses and makes me a better person. Like the meaning of her name, she is truly a "gift from God."

And I have to believe that those prayers from a young child to his future wife paved the way for the happiness we feel now. I am so blessed and still at peace, living daily, with my soul mate.

The List

When I was in college I graduated with a Fine Arts degree, focusing on theater. Getting cast in plays, which is, after all, the entire point one becomes an actor, is commonly handled very publicly. Throughout campus there were a few locations where theater department notices would be placed. A few days after auditions, the director would post the list of the actors that were cast in the play at these various, pre-defined locations.

In a very Pavlovian way, we became trained to respond to the postings placed there. Only really important things were posted at these locations and we salivated whenever our names were on the list.

My senior year in college, I worked off campus with a fellow actor named Jay. As our senior year neared its end we decide to list those people with which we wanted to keep in touch after graduation. The list was varied and to the untrained eye, nonsensical. It consisted of fellow seniors, teachers, both past and present, current graduate students and others from years gone by, a few freshman, a sprinkling of sophomores, some non-theater students and everyone else in between. When we completed this list we had about 100 names and titled it, appropriately, Jay and Pete's Top 100.

On a lark, we thought, "wouldn't it be funny if we posted these names with the other theater department notices?" We digested that thought for a moment and decided, "You know what would be even better? Let's even make it more vague. Let's remove 'Jay and Pete's Top 100' and just list the names with no other explanation."

A moment of pure, evil genious.

That night, around 3 a.m., Jay and I scampered to the various theater locations and posted our list of names. The next morning we just sat back and watched. By midday a subtle rumbling had begun in the theater department. Something about "a list." After lunch, Jay's girlfriend (and now wife) noticed the font type used on the list and almost spilled the beans in front of everyone. We quickly pulled her outside and let her in on the joke.

By that night, The List was THE topic of conversation. At a local dive called the Winnjammer, where the theater geeks partook of libations, the mystery of The List had completely taken hold of the department. Jay and I sat by, quietly, offering no information about The List, only our quiet dismay at its existence.

By the next morning, Ron, our theater shop Forman had apparently been inundated with questions about The List because he had, in very angry handwriting, written "I don't know anything about the damn list!!!! Ron"

Slowly, the psychology started to take effect. By lunch on the second day, everyone had gathered around The List. Those on The List stood in one corner, happy that they were on it, even though they had no idea what that meant. Those not on The List stood in another corner, angrily trying to convince themselves that it wasn't important that their names weren't on it.

In our weaker moments, when the scuttlebutt about The List started to calm, Jay and I would begin feeding the fires by jokingly giving validity to It. Someone would come up and say "Pete, you want to go to lunch?" I'd smile and say "I don't know, are you on The List?" And that was all it took. They'd quickly respond "Yeah, what about that list! I wonder who put it there! Have you heard anything?" Ahhh, the rumor fire had been effectively stoked and was again fully ablaze.

Soon, others followed suit. If you were on The List, you could do stuff, if you weren't... well... By the end of day three, the Dean of the College had heard ALL ABOUT this list and had them taken down. And therein ended our experiment.

Or did it?

Jay and I mulled our options. "How about making The List suddenly a BAD thing. We'll give it an ominous title and watch the happy turn sad and the sad turn happy?" That would be too complex.

"How about randomly taking some people off The List and then repost it around campus again... we can then watch those removed from The List move from the In Crowd to the Losers, scratching their head at what had caused their erasure from this coveted prize?" That would be too cruel.

In the end, we let the experiment die. We never told a soul.

About ten years later I'm in California visiting Jennifer, one of my old theater buds. As we reminisced about our glory days in college it only took her about ten minutes to ask "And remember that list? Did you ever find out what that was about?" I smiled knowingly and told her Jay and I did it, the back story, everything. "THAT WAS YOU????" and she hit me in the arm, really hard, making me pay for whatever pain I may have caused her.

I don't know what her problem was. After all, she was on The List.

The Flu

Inspite of all of my whining about having too many things to do in my previous blog Controlled Chaos, I've started scripting yet another short film called The Flu. The comedy is about a young man who finds himself suddenly allergic to sin.

I didn't want to add anything else to my plate, but I was inspired, so I had to start writing. I don't anticipate the first draft to encompass all that is possible with the storyline. However, I hope that it defines the outline.

I need to make writing a priority again. I have to find time to do something everyday toward the end goal. I have too many subjects running through my head. I feel like I'll creatively explode if I don't start jotting down this stuff.

I seem to be on a "the" roll lately... The Box, The Business Trip and now The Flu. Pretty soon I'll have to start referring to myself in third person as The Pete Bauer.

Why Kids Rock

Kids rock, plain and simple. They are the only reason worth living... everything else is a bonus.

It's through their eyes that we revisit the world, glimpsing at the innocence that once made our world so special, where, if you could simply imagine it, it was possible.

It's through raising children that we get insight into God. We have a greater understanding of His love, of His mercy, of His discipline, of His consistency, of His success.

They say "youth is wasted on the young." Having children and, eventually, grandchildren allows us to relive our youth yet one more time, no matter how far away from "young" we currently reside.

Intolerant Tolerance

Political Correctness is a growing rash on the buttocks of this country.

For all of its good intentions, with which many o' roads to heated landscapes have been paved, Political Correctness has turned into Intolerant Tolerance... you must be tolerant of my ideas, no matter how extreme, and if you disagree I am completely intolerant to your opposition.

How this ludicrous idea seeped into the mainstream mentality is beyond me. Its another reason why this country has turned into pansies. Doesn't anyone in this country have the backbone to be offended anymore? What happened to free speech? Or just plain common sense? We used to be able to agree to disagree. Now we demand universal agreement.

The outcome is that no one can do anything anywhere that may offend anyone at anytime, even if those offended are so outside of the borders of decency that they would have been arrested 20 years ago.

In the end, this effort is hurting this country. When police are not able to "profile" terror suspects due to Political Correctness, then sanity has officially left the building. Under that expectation, the next time a rape suspect is on the loose, lets make sure we round up the grandmothers and infirmed as suspects as well, as not to offend the rapist.

It's stupidity run amuck.

And if any of this offends you, well, then tolerate it.

Conflicting Self Infliction

I love to make films. But I don't make a living at it... yet. So, I do the day job thing until my passions overtake me and then I must find a creative outlet... and quick... like an addict suddenly needing a fix. And in my constant internal battle between what I want to do and what I have to do, I end up putting myself into a no win situation.

People's Exhibit A: The Business Trip. It had been over a year since the final edit of our first DV feature The Box had been complete. I was getting ansy and was looking for something, ANYthing that I could throw together to fill this creative void while being able to fit in it my limited available time.

So, I scour my old short scripts and find a copy for The Business Trip. It's now seven years old, but has a nice little story, taking place in a single location. I update the script, scrounge together some friends, storyboard the mother out it and schedule a three day shoot. As it turns out, due to last minute scheduling conflicts, three shoot days turns to one, 14-hour shoot day.

At the end of the exhaustive day, I am immediately conflicted. Part of me is satisified that we shot something, anything at all. The other part of me doesn't want to settle for making crap because that's all I have time to make. If I'm going to spend 14 hours of my life shooting something, it should be good, shouldn't it?

I edit the piece. The acting is strong, the lighting average to marginal and the directing okay... kinda. Again, I'm conflicted. It's nice to have accomplished something... but, in my exhaustive state during the shoot day I made some fundamental directing errors. It has to do with a 180 degree line of sight and crossing that line and confusing the audience and annoying the hell out of me and stuff like that. But, in the end, at least I was able to express myself creatively. But, in the other end, its with a product that should have been better.

Ugh. Impatience is the root of all sloppiness. I must find a way to fill my creative void and retain a higher level of quality... somehow. Or else I'll be frustrating myself for the rest of my natural life.

The Separation of Church and State Myth

In the news I frequently hear the phrase "separation of church and state" when discussing the US Constitution. So, I did a little research. And you know what? The phrase "separation of church and state" is nowhere to be found in the US Constitution. It is, instead, a sound-bite version of the first Amendment:

Amendment 1: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances."

There is a big difference between a "separation of church and state" and the government establishing a law about religion. How is bible class or a prayer meeting of any religion held in a public school after hours equate to the passage of a law? How is allowing discussion of creationism (a.k.a. intelligent design) along with Darwinism equate to the passage of a law? How is the visible display of the 10 Commandments on public property equate to the passage of a law?

In my opinion, these "separation" stances are in direct violation of the second part of the first amendment "prohibiting the free exercise there of." I am prohibited from exercising my faith on property owned by the government? That's what the founding fathers intended? I don't think so. What they didn't want was another Church of England. And they certainly didn't want to establish a government based on atheistic secularism... if they did, they would have stated as much.

However, I did find the clear separation of church and state in a constitution... The 1936 Constitution of the USSR.

Article 124 of this document states: "In order to ensure to citizens freedom of conscience, the church in the U.S.S.R. is separated from the state, and the school from the church. Freedom of religious worship and freedom of antireligious propaganda is recognized for all citizens."

Our country is dangerously close with flirting with communism/socialism. National healthcare, "separation of church and state", the "redistribution of income" from those who've earned it to those who haven't. Granted, each of these issues are often founded by concerned citizens, but we must be aware of the path in which we are heading and those leading the charge. I've read that it only took 7% of the Russian leadership to turn Russia from a monarchy to a communist country. Who is the "7%" pushing this socialistic agenda in this country?

Every time you hear the phrase "separation of church and state" remember that it does not reflect our constitution, but the constitution of a country that evaporated under the weight of a moral-less existence.

Life in Perpetual Middle School

Have you ever noticed that we never really leave Middle School? Cliques, politics, immaturity, assumptions... they never go away. Its like we're all stuck in a bad sitcom for the rest of our lives.

NOTE: As I've read that people with blogs can get fired over talking about work on the internet, let me say that all of this is theoretical and in no way represents my current work environment.

Here's a perfect theoretical example: Theoretically, I had two employees who didn't like each other very much. For the sake of argument, lets say that they sat next to each other in their cubicles, spending an excessive amount of time and effort NOT talking to each other. Let us then expound on the possibility that it got to the point where Employee One theoretically sent me and email, telling me that I had to tell Employee Two that her scented candle was giving her a headache.

I told them both that if they were over eighteen years old, they had to work it out amongst themselves... theoretically.

It's through past experiences such as these that I learned that management is more about parenting than anything else. Over my professional life I have spent more energy dealing with personal dramas and Three's Company-style misunderstandings than I have actually getting real work done.

So, for anyone in grades 6 - 8, soak it in, be one with it, relish in the dynamics of your current life, because you've got a lifetime ahead of you dealing with the same basic crap.

Left Behind or Right Ahead?

One of my personal goals is to combine my passion for filmmaking with my passion for my faith and to start shooting some Catholic Christian films. As part of this process, I've been watching a lot of Christian films lately to see the competition and analyze what I feel they do right and what they do wrong.

Observation number one: Most Christian films are badly made. Their production values (lighting, sound, acting, story) are weak. The more films made with sub par production values, the more jaded current Christian viewers will be to products released in the future.

Observation number two: Where would we be without the Rapture? The most common story in Chrisitan films is the post-apocalyptic "now that all of our holy friends have disappeared, what the hell do we do now?" As for storyline, you can't really ask for a better premise than "what would happen if half the population on the planet suddenly disappeared?" However, an inherent problem with tackling such a subject matter is that it often requires a budget far greater than any of the current Christian filmmakers can afford.

As for these Rapture films, I've now watched The Moment After, Six and Left Behind 1 & 2. The Moment After is the best story of the lot, but LB series has much more $$ behind it, so it is satisfying on other levels. In the end, however, the LB story moves along very slowly. I never thought the Rapture could take so long. Six was unwatchable.

As a Catholic, one of the basic problems with these storylines is that they are strict Protestant interpretations of Revelations. They are great ideas, but it is certainly not the only interpretation. For example, another interpretation is that Jesus' second coming is revealed in the Eucharist everyday at Mass. Does the Lord really need to "come again" if he is available in the flesh in the Eucharist?

The most successful Christian film I've seen so far is called Flywheel. Its a touching story of a used car salesman who changes his life. I was pleasantly surprised at how many times this film moved me. It is a story that every Christian should see. I hope that the future of Christian filmmaking starts with the a high quality story and higher-end production values found in projects such as Flywheel and Moment After and LB.

The good news is that, if I can make a high quality product, I'll be at the top of the heap. There is a window of opportunity here and I have to take advantage of it. I just hope that the Christian audience will not be completely jaded by the time we're ready for our first release.

The Lottery Mentality

When did we become a nation of pansies?

Is it just me or has this country turned into a bunch of people who have lost the understanding and value of sacrifice? I once read that 97% of all lawsuits in the world happen in the United States. Well, that explains it... everyone is out looking to "win the lottery," to get an easy payday.

And with that mentality comes the expectation that if life deals me a bad hand, I deserve to win the pot. Have we lost the meaning of the phrase "suck it up?"

Our founding fathers were clear...we are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." Not the guarantee of happiness, but the opportunity to pursue it, to make our own happiness through personal responsibilty and achievement. Like anything else in life, it is the through the struggle we define ourselves and in overcoming obstacles that we find long-lasting happiness.

When has anything easy in life retained any true value? When are we going to re-learn that it is with sacrifice and struggles that something truly magical happens. How long before our country is willing to feel short term pain for long term gain, whether that be in our war on terror, social security, taxes, etc.?

I just hope we get it before it's too late.

Marriage and Priorities

My parents celebrated their 60th Wedding Anniversary this year. Amazing. My wife and I happily celebrated our 13th Anniversary this past July.

The most important thing my parents ever taught me about marriage is about priorities. They were always very clear that God came first, the Spouse came second and Children third. As a child I was a little disconcerted that I wasn't higher up on the food chain, but how can you argue with supplanting God and your parents?

Another great lesson of marriage came from Father Bob Stevens who was our priest at our wedding. He said that he was always surprised that couples would get so offended by sexual infidelity because a number of other infidelities would have had to occur before the sexual one comes into play. If you prioritize work over your spouse, or a hobby over your spouse or even your children over your spouse, these are all infidelities. Yet we put up with them. Unresolved, however, they inevitably lead to sexual infidelity, because they all lead you away from your spouse.

In the end, marriage is hard work, but incredibly rewarding. My wife is my best friend. Her strength compensates for all of my weaknesses. Without her, I am less than half the man I am today.

As long as we keep our priorities straight, hopefully we can hold hands on our 60th Wedding Anniversary... just like my parents.

Divine Disobedience

During Mass this past Sunday, a particular phrase from the second reading stuck in my mind... from Romans, Chapter 11:

"For God delivered all to disobedience, that he might have mercy upon all."

What does that mean? That God has guided us to be disobedient so that he can show us His mercy? Or that, because of His mercy, we are delivered from disobedience?

The more I try to understand my Catholic faith, the less I know. It's like I have just finished reading the cover of a large book, only to discover that, with the turn of a page, there is a vast amount of information yet to digest and understand.

I'll probably finally understand it all about three seconds before I leave this planet... if I'm lucky.

Controlled Chaos

Life is pretty hectic for most people. Increasingly so for me.

There are so many things I want to do, would like to do, have passion to do, have to do... all of them colliding into one big chaotic mess.

Currently on my to do list:

• Finish converting my home office into a home theater.
• Write SEVERED screenplay.
• Write GABBY WELLS screenplay.
• Shoot MISSING commerical.
• Shoot SIN commercial.
• Write MUTE screenplay.
• Found a new production company.
• Oh, and start a new cable channel, of which I have no idea how to do.

And those are just my personal goals. I also have to work the day job, attend all of the children's activities, church activities, etc... all of which I love, sans the day job. I don't hate the day job, I just don't have any passion for it. But, it affords me a house, health insurance and the freedom to pursue my personal to do list. So, in the end, its a necessary evil. And one for which I'm grateful.

I just feel so far behind in life. I feel like I've accomplished a lot and so little at the same time. Maybe its because we all set our goals unrealisitcally in our youth, or maybe its because I've lost the urgency... whatever the cause, I'm feeling frustratingly incomplete in a personal way, yet overflowingly blessed in a family way.

Weird. I hope I grow out of it.