Club God - Coming Soon!

I sketched out a Christian short called Club God, about God prematurely calling a comedian up to Heaven so he can help God with his stand-up act. It will be the first real production of Sonlight Pictures.

It's about 15 minutes long and covers a lot of simple, theological ground. Plus, it's pretty funny.

We're going to shoot it in April/May after I return from vacation. John Snell and Brian Shea, friends and actors from our film The Box, have agreed to be in the short. John Snell will play God and Brian Shea will play "Shecky" the comedian.

John and Brian on the set of The Box.

We'll be shooting the short at the Cinema Cafe in Clearwater, the location of The Box premiere. We have four hours to shoot fifteen pages, so it will be a race to be sure.

I'll have more pics and vids in the coming weeks. We'll post it on YouTube and GodTube when it is completed.

Pray for us. We'll need it!

How Long Have Christians Been Pro-Life? A Very, Very, Very Long Time...

I came across this quote from a Catholic blog called the WardWideWeb and he quotes from Athenagoras: Embassy for the Christians, and The Resurrection of the Dead. In the book, Athenagoras, a Christian apologist from around 170 A.D., argues in a letter to the Emperor that Christians are not murders, as their pagan enemies portend.

In this argument, Athenagoras specifies Christian opposition to abortion as well.

"But we consider the looking on at a murder to be nigh to murder itself and forbid ourselves such spectacles. If then we do not even look on at these shows (so as not to be under a curse and to incur defilement), how can we be capable of murder?

Again, we call it murder and say it will be accountable to God if women use instruments to procure abortion: how shall we be called murderers ourselves?

The same man cannot regard that which a woman carries in her womb as a living creature, and therefore as an object of value to God, and then go about to slay the creature that has come forth to the light of day.

The same man cannot forbid the exposure of children, equating the exposure with child murder, and then slay a child that has found one to bring it up.

No, we are always consistent, everywhere the same, obedient to our rule and not masters of it."

This is the second early Christian document I have read that specifically states Christian opposition to abortion.

So the fact is, you cannot be Christian and pro-choice. Those have been opposing forces since the institution of Christianity itself.

Mark's Baptism

Having accumulated numerous God-Children over my life, I struggled as to how best to honor them on their "rebirth" day or baptismal day. It occurred to me that I should combine their "rebirth" days into a single day, choosing the Feast of St. Joseph (March 19th), as Joseph was responsible for guiding Jesus on his chosen and divine path.

So, for the past few years, every March 19th I would sometimes send my God-Children some religious trinket or card, but would always say a novena for them.

A few months ago my niece Kristi and her husband Robbie told us there were expecting their third child and asked if we would consider being the God Parents. We were ecstastic! So this past Saturday, March 15th, my wife and I were honored to become Mark Chappell's God-Parents.

Dea, Pete, Robbie, Mark and Kristi

Due to the once-in-200 year lunar cycle, Easter is very early this year and, therefore, the Feast of St. Joseph was moved up to avoid inclusion in Holy Week. So, as divine providence would have it, as I welcomed Mark Chappell in to my God-Family, I was happy and surprised to find out that the Feast of St. Joseph was moved up to March 15th as well.

What a fitting gift, to welcome a new God-Child on the day I celebrate all of my God-Children!

I will delay the start of the novena until after Easter, as not to interfere with Holy Week.

The trip to Atlanta for the celebration was memorable. Weather caused the 1 hour flight to last much longer. We circled Atlanta as tornadoes dashed through downtown. We could see the lightning and dark clouds below us, not knowing just how strong they were.

Pete, Dea, Father Tim, Robbie, Kristi,
Mark, Tyler and Lauren's forehead.

We stayed with Katie and Brian and Saturday morning we drove up to Athens and celebrated the Baptism with family friend, Father Tim. Afterwards we went to a local park where we enjoyed food, family and also a surprise celebration of the grandfather of Mark Chappell (and my brother-in-law), Steve Smith. He turned 60 and was given a book of stories everyone relayed about his impact in their lives. Some were funny, some were touching, all were sincere.

Me and Mary in a picture she labeled
"Guess who's older?"

It was also Steve's mother's 91st birthday, so the day was full of celebration!

Afterwards we returned to the Chappell home for more fun, including a game of Sag 'Nads. Brian was off his normally precise game, but it was fun, none-the-less.

Katie at Krisiti's house.

We journeyed back to Brian and Katie's house for the night and flew out of Atlanta early Sunday morning... in time to make it to the Lifeteen Mass Sunday evening here at home.

Overall it was a very long, tiring, but wonderful and blessed weekend.

PS - Thanks to my sister Mary for the pics!

Awesome Catholic Commercial

For a long time I always loved the way the Church of Latter Day Saints promoted their faith. Every time I would see one of their commercials I thought "Why doesn't the Catholic Church do that?"

Well, my brother Charles made me aware of a great Catholic Commercial on the Catholic Come Home.Org website. I've included some screen shots below.

The commercial does a great job of promoting all of the wonderful things that the Church has done over the last 2000 years. It's so easy in this sound-bite generation to get distracted and lose sight of history. It's easy to think of the horrendous sex abuse scandal first before thinking of the saintly acts of many priest predecessors.

This commercial brings to light all the Church has brought, and continues to bring, the world population.

You can watch the video by clicking on this Catholic Come Home link.

They have a link to donate to get these television commercials on the air. Its time for good Catholics to pony up to spread the faith. Catholics are notoriously cheap with their tithing... If memory serves, on average Catholics tithe 1% of their salary while Protestants average around 8%. Let's get off our collective buttocks and get these commercials out there!

2012: Doomsday (2008)

What happens when you take a low-budget copy-cat film factory (The Asylum) and create a end of the world Christian epic? You get 2012: Doomsday. (Note: Films with a ":" in the title are usually suspect at best).

For those of you who don't visit the low budget section of Blockbuster, you may not be aware of Asylum's offering to the film palette. Asylum is known for taking titles that the major studios are making, changing it slightly and releasing a low budget "copy" or similar genre flick. Here are some examples:

Alien vs. Predator (Hollywood)
Alien vs. Hunter (Asylum)

Snakes on a Plane (Hollywood)
Snakes on a Train (Asylum)

Transformers (Hollywood)
Transmorphers (Asylum)

10,000 BC (Hollywood)
100 Million BC (Asylum)

You get the idea. They take on special effects heavy Hollywood flicks and try to ride on their coat tails with their weak special effects copies. This production model has been used since filmdom started, with B westerns, B crime dramas, etc. Asylum is the latest to favor financial rewards over artistic innovation. And to their credit, it works.

When films of faith started to generate a market, Asylum created Faith Films and have made two "Christian" epics, Apocalypse and 2012: Doomsday, both of which are a combination of Armageddon, Day After Tomorrow and Left Behind.

And, for the most part, they are both the same film (Apocalypse deals with an impending asteroid collision and 2012 deals with the impending end of time interpreted by the Mayan calendar), however 2012 succeeds more often than it fails. Director Nick Everhart along with director of photography Mark Atkins max out their low budget resources to create a competent and fast moving story about four people who are called to an Aztec temple as the world is about to end.

The film opens with an archaeologist uncovering a hidden Aztec location which holds a large golden crucifix. This is followed by a missionary in search of a doctor to help villagers in a remote Mexican location. Then there is the missionary's father who has forecast the coming cataclysms. And, finally, there is the atheist paramedic who has visions of a cross and an Aztec temple.

During their journeys to the temple they all must overcome weaknesses in their faith. They soon find people beginning to disappear as the end of time draws near.

Both Apocalypse and 2012 share special effect sequences, so don't watch both of them and expect original material. And, in true low budget flare, 2012 re-uses shots within the same film to fill the gaps that were not shot originally. This isn't blatant, but noticeable if you're paying close attention.

The "faith" piece of this Faith Film is light, at best. The characters speak of God in the abstract and, as they deal with loss, offer no real Christian insight into grieving, sacrifice and suffering. And only the missionary at the end of the film really prays to Jesus instead of the generic God.

As one would expect from a company with the history of Asylum, this film is not intended to inspire faith, only to cash in on the growing faith market.

For a low budget film, the directing and cinematography are above average and the acting is solid, for the most part. The script is weak, however, the special effects below average and the faith aspect of the film merely window dressing.

If you're looking for an inspiring Christian film, Faith Films hasn't made one yet. However, if you're a Christian film lover who also enjoys an average b-movie and all of the limitations which that implies, then 2012: Doomsday won't disappoint... much.

California to Outlaw Homeschooling?

You can read more here:

http://www.onenewsnow.com/Legal/Default.aspx?id=69177

and here

http://www.worldnetdaily.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=58137

It appears that the California Court ruled that homeschooling may be illegal. This will get to the Supreme Court, guaranteed.

I have too many thoughts on this to put here now, but the ruling is ridiculous for so many reasons. The simplest of which is that, if that were true, it would be illegal for parents to assist in helping their kids with their homework. If I don't have the training to teach my children math during the day, then I certainly lack the same training at night.

The reason we started homeschooling was because we were teaching our kids five hours a night with their homework. We decided to save money and time and get their school work done in fewer hours. We're provided complete curriculum, texts, lesson plans and tests.

The kids can work at their own pace, have become completely self sufficient and are grades above their counterparts in government required standardized testing. Plus there are so many homeschoolers in the area that their social life is full.

California needs to be consumed by a hellish fire.

Today, preferably.

NEWS FLASH: Media Biased!

Okay, so it's not so much of a news flash as it is a statement of fact.

Here's a prime example. A few months ago Mike Huckabee, a Christian pastor, got raked over the proverbial coals for having a subliminal figure of a cross in the background during a Christmas message.

A pastor having an image of a cross during a Christmas message???? NO!!! How could he??? What was he thinking???

Flash forward to last week.

Barack Obama gives a speech justifying gay marriage by quoting Jesus' Sermon on the Mount and stating we should ignore the "obscure" passage by St. Paul about homosexuality.

And what of the media outrage? Surely a non-pastor selectively picking from the bible to leap across to a volatile subject such as gay marriage would generate some intense media buzz!

Crickets. That's all you hear. Crickets.

Besides the fact that there are more than just this "obscure" statement in the bible about homosexuality which illuminate quite clearly the early church's feelings about it and besides the fact that Obama conveniently excluded the direct quote from Jesus about a man and a woman becoming one flesh in marriage, the silence from the media outlets is stunning and a perfect example of complete media bias.

You can read a very good analysis over at One News Now.

Whether you're for gay marriage or not, such blatant bias in coverage of critical political issues should be a concern for every American, no matter which gender with whom you prefer to bed down. Because at some point, that moral compass will be pointing in a direction with which you don't identify and you'll expect the media to show some centrist opinion.

Yeah, good luck with that.

I still believe this country is the best country in the world. What saddens me most is that we've stopped raising the bar and are, instead, sliding quickly toward second place.

We used to be a beacon of truth and opportunity. Now we're an example of selective relativism and moral confusion.

Come to America... we stand for nothing.

The Kingdom (2007)

The FBI try to uncover the terrorist behind a massive bombing at a U.S. housing facility in Saudi Arabia in Peter Berg's intense, fast-moving and entertaining film The Kingdom.

The opening credits cleverly give us a quick and dirty history of Saudi Arabia's growth, power and politics. It is an odd mix of "necessary evils" where the kings and princes within the Saudi kingdom must balance Muslim faith, extremists and the American influence which fund and thereby support the majority of their nation.

Oil workers live in protected compounds where pseudo-American life continues. Outside of the compound a full Muslim-based theocracy awaits. Eventually these two cultures will clash. And the film opens with an explosive example.

An FBI investigative team featuring Jamie Foxx, Chris Cooper, Jennifer Garner and Jason Bateman use every influence possible to get onto Saudi soil, no small feat to be sure, and begin their investigation.

The heart of the film, however, are the people and relationships. In this fast paced film, Berg makes sure to include quiet moments of humanity and relationships so that we attach empathy and understanding to the characters involved in the story.

Barhom and Foxx

For example, Berg takes time with the tenuous and volatile relationship between Foxx as Fleury, the lead investigator and actor Ashraf Barhom, who plays Saudi police officer Faris, assigned to protect the FBI. Their relationship grows from suspicion to friendship as they find common interests in their goals despite the areas which are offset by their drastically different backgrounds and lifestyles. Without this concerted effort by Berg, this film would be nothing more than a collection of explosions and a blown out CSI episode.


The talented cast, intriguing storyline and excellent directing move The Kingdom above a standard "police procedural" story into an engrossing and taut thriller.

We Know Not What We Do...

My son and I are saying a rosary every night as part of our Lenten sacrifice. Last night we talked about the sorrowful mysteries and Jesus' statement on the cross "Forgive them for they know not what they do."

It occurred to me that, since Jesus' sacrifice includes our sins today, that he was not only asking God to forgive those crucifying them that day, but asking God to forgive us now, for the sins we commit today as we are just as responsible for putting him on that cross as the Roman soldiers betting for his clothes at his feet.

And sadly, most of us still "know not what we do" nor do we know or appreciate the cost for our actions that took place over 2000 years ago.

And so it starts...

So, Gabe's sixth Little League season has officially kicked off.

I'm in charge of the concession stand, so I'll be down at the field WAY too much. But its for a good cause.

Here's Gabe in his new uniform. Go Cards!

Christmas Pics 2007

Here are some Christmas Pics my beautiful niece Meghan posted on flickr.

You can see more here: http://www.flickr.com/gp/22917079@N00/48ASy9

Here are just a few of them...

Me reading during my Father's Funeral.



Rett, me, Lily and Meghan
outside in the snow.


Lily and DC



Gabe in mid-snow ball fight.



DC post snow ball fight.

Matt Maher - LIVE!

Friday night most of my family, along with a healthy dose of my daughter's youth group friends and Espiritu Santo Lifeteen band members, trekked to St. Raphael's Catholic Church for a wonderful outdoor concert featuring my favorite Christian artist, Matt Maher, along with his mentor and fellow musician Tom Booth.

Matt and Tom on stage

They tailored their performance to be more contemplative and prayerful in honor of the Lenten season. These two very talented musicians, with only guitars and microphones at the ready, touched us with their words and music. They shared stories of their lives and offered numerous prayerful moments.

It was a wonderful night of music.

Cathy and Dea

To only add to the night was the ability to share it with some of the great friends and truly wonderful people that we have come to know and love at Espiritu Santo. I got to speak at length, for the first time, with Cathy, the leader of our Lifeteen band, only to find we had a lot in common. She is a beautiful person inside and out. We laughed a lot and were grateful for the faith community of which we had become a part.

The girls having fun

We marveled at how blessed we were to have such wonderful children who have so peacefully and willingly embraced their faith. We realized that it was beyond our own doing, but instead that of the Holy Spirit, which ignites the fires of faith within them. We are merely tenders of the fire, stoking it with example and direction and prayer.

Seeing my daughter, DC, with her friends, Tiffany, Mary, Kelli, the Larame's, among others... it was very touching. It reminded me when I was with my youth group as a teen, full of life and hope and ambition and a faith that was so incredibly pure. I envied her a bit.

As the songs played, Dea and I, arms wrapped around each other, stood behind the teens near the stage, singing loudly to the wonderful songs being performed.

My sister Mary, who had known Matt M. for years (as he roomed with her son, Matt Smith, for quite some time), had all of us make signs to hold up during the concert so he would know we were there. My son Gabe was right up front, waving signs along with his cousin Chaz. Other family members with signs were scattered about the crowd. Mary also had her son text message Matt M to give him a heads up that we would be attending. When he saw the signs he smiled and acknowledged us in the audience. The kids loved that!

Cathy's daughter, Tiffany, a serious Matt Maher fan, tried to convince me that I had adopted her so I could give her permission to marry Matt. She is such a funny, vibrant kid! She joked all night calling me Dad and saying she was Tiffany Bauer. She made me laugh quite a few times.

After the music and prayers Matt M and Tom were available to sign autographs, take pictures and sell CDs. Once the crowds had thinned out we made our way over to see Matt. I was touched that he remembered me (at Matt Smith's bachelor party I gave Matt M $50 because I had received copies of three of his CDs). When I saw him I jokingly told him I overpaid and wanted $5 bucks back.

Matt stiffing me the

$5.oo he owes me :)

He was very gracious and humble, as always, shaking hands and taking pictures with our youth group from Espiritu. It was a brief visit, but it was great to see him again. He is such a talented person! He is truly gifted and his music inspires me like no other. I am so impressed by his ability.

Matt and the ecstatic Tiffany "Bauer"

It was a nice end to an otherwise emotional day. We all left with our spirits renewed, our faith strengthened and our appreciation for the gifts we have been given amplified.

A fun, fun night.

Father's Burial

Well, the long process of burying my father finally came to a conclusion this weekend. This past Friday, the day after Valentine's Day, family and friends again gathered at Bay Pines Cemetery to wish my father a final farewell and place his ashes in the ground.

Upon arriving, spirits were high. Seeing distant family again and my father's co-workers from decades past was a blessing and many funny memories were shared.

As we drove to the actual location of the burial in this grand cemetery, my emotions were fine. I had come to a wonderful peace about my father's passing and had remained relatively sadness-free for the past month... that is until my wife notices the sailors dressed in their best whites, especially the one holding the horn to play taps.... that's when my emotions flooded back. It was difficult to keep from bursting into tears.

The immediate family sat in an outdoor pavilion near my father's plot as Father Pecchie spoke of his memories of my father and finalized the funeral that had started in North Carolina almost six weeks previously. Afterwards, the Navy sailors played taps, refolded the flag and handed it to my mother, thanking her for my father's service to his country.

It was very moving.

Afterwards we moved over to his plot and prayed while his ashes were placed into the ground. Then Dea, the kids and I circled his plot, held hands and prayed an Our Father, three Hail Mary's and a Glory Be, then thanked my father once more for his example and love.

We followed the burial with a celebration at my brother's house. Food was aplenty and Betty did a great job of organizing and hosting the event. The DVD I had made for my father was shown again and those who had not seen it before were greatly touched.

The rest of the time we spent sharing and laughing, remembering and simply loving each other... just as Dad would have liked.

My sister Mary joked that "only Dad would stretch out this thing so long just to stay the center of attention." I followed with "yeah, now three holidays are attached to him... Christmas, New Years and Valentines!"

We had a lot of laughs.

That night most of us attended a Matt Maher concert and the following night we again got together for one final meal together before we all headed back home.


I love my family. I am so blessed to be a part of it. Full of love and faith and compassion and caring... it's a gift. A gift started by my parents and an equal reflection of my mother and my father.

Their legacy will live on for generations.

Jesus as Pitchman... Yeah, That's a Bad Idea

This history of marketing is replete with really, really bad ideas executed to their horrendous conclusion.

Trivializing Jesus by using him as your pitchman is one such cataclysmic error in judgment.

Apparently, per Fox News.com, a Singapore company had the complete lack of insight to market their beauty aids with Jesus on every item under the logo "Looking Good for Jesus."

Yes, this is offensive, but also so blatantly in bad taste it's almost funny.

• There's the Virtuous Vanilla Lip Balm that offers to make you "Be Worthy" and "Be Noticed."
• The Repair Fit-It-Kit says you should "Get His Attention" and to "Redeem Your Reputation and More!"
• The Looking Good for Jesus purse has the slogan "Show Him the Money."
• Use the Trusty Mirror to "Look Your Sunday Best."
• And, my personal favorite, the Sparkle Cream helps you "Get Tight with Christ!"

How on God's great green Earth does a company get together in their little board room, mulling over how to increase sales and revel in glee when someone stands up and says "I got it! Jesus!"

Not only is that an apocalyptically bad idea, but to continue down that same bad path as to come up with slogans following the whole "Looking Good for Jesus" marketing campaign... amazing.

What's their next campaign? "Looking Bad for Buddah?" "Looking Thin for Thetas?" "Looking Athletic for Atheists?" "Looking Slim for Satan?"

I've seen a lot of bad marketing ideas come and go, but Looking Good for Jesus?

Wow... that'll be hard to top!

See for yourself.

Matt Maher is Coming to Town!

This Friday, February 15th, Matt Maher will be perfoming at St. Raphael's Catholic Church in St. Pete. Maher is the best and most talented Catholic rock musician ever. His words, lyrics and music are amazing. He's awesome.

So, if you can, come see the show. You won't regret it!

You can order tickets and parking passes on line HERE:

http://www.straphaelevents.com

See you there!

How to Fix Government Spending

A co-worker and I were discussing government waste and that they shouldn't ask for a dime more of our money until they've fixed how to spend the money we already pay them in taxes. Through this conversation we came up with a very simple way for every single American to become immediate watchdogs of government spending.

Profit Sharing.

At my company we receive profit sharing checks every six months. A small percentage of the overall profit of the company is paid to every employee. This effects our decisions and behavior in the workplace. If fellow employees see waste, you'll often hear someone say "stop wasting our profit sharing."

Well, how different would our nation be if every citizen over 18 years of age were to receive a profit sharing check for every time our tax income surpassed our tax expenditures. I'm certain people would become increasingly diligent not only on current government waste, but the passage of bills, entitlements or tariffs that would decrease our ability to "turn a profit."

Another simple way to make people see this waste is to no longer allow taxes to be automatically deducted from our paycheck. If people had to personally write a check for the amount of taxes they currently pay, they would immediately demand change. But, since we don't see money we don't feel its absence.

Just a few simple ideas that could change everything in a hurry.

Unfortunately, both ideas would move power from the politicians to the average citizen... so they'll never happen.

Advanced Catholicism 410 and the Future of Our Country

I go to mass every Sunday and I sincerely wonder how many of the people there really understand their faith. Most appear to have an historic, working knowledge of it, but so few "get it." I was one of the ignorant Catholic masses (no pun intended) about a decade ago, so I'm not casting stones. But our biggest failing as a faith is our ability to teach it effectively to the next generation.

That is huge! That allows for misinterpretation and ignorant and harmful dissidence within the faithful. And it's completely inexcusable.

At mass about a week ago our pastor, Father Bob, was mentioning how hard it used to be to get confirmed. It was more difficult because you actually had to know a lot more about the Catholic faith.

Having been trying to get my head around my faith for over 40 years now, I can tell you the bullet-point overview we get now for confirmation does absolutely nothing in preparing our youth to live their faith in high school and in college. The confirmation training offered now is a joke. We have lowered our standards so far that just having a workable knowledge of basic church concepts garners an okie-dokie from the church.

As I listened to Father's homily something occurred to me that could realistically change our nation.

If I were someone with the means, like Tom Monaghan, for example, I would offer a free college education for any confirmed Catholic high school student who could complete an intensive Catholic course that included volunteer hours, essays, a lot of reading and a lot of prayer. This course would be hard. I mean, really hard.

But if you completed it, on top of of your current school work, and you were able to get a B or higher on the final exam, you would get a college education for free.

What would this do? It would offer a college education to any confirmed Catholic with enough drive and passion to get it. That drive and passion would allow them to learn and deeply understand our Catholic faith. They would then take that understanding and faith into college and later, into the workforce.

Within a few decades these people would end up in positions of influence in society. Think of that. A society where many of the leaders of industry and politics would be well trained and, hopefully, extremely faithful Catholics. People who are proud of their faith and able to articulate it effectively to those who oppose anything even hinting at "religion."

In a few short decades it could effectively change the heart of our nation... and our faith community of the American Catholic Church as a whole.

Republicans Should Hope For Clinton to Win...

As a fairly conservative guy I can't tell you how disappointed I am that McCain looks to be the Republican Presidential Candidate. Here's a guy who's so proud about "crossing the aisle," but what that really means is that he becomes a Democrat-lite. Cooperation is one thing. Consistently voting opposite of your party is something else.

The average person calls that not having a moral compass.

And how can conservative voters forget immigration? McCain is the guy who was so out of touch with the American people that he penned, along with Lenin-wanna-be Ted Kennedy, a bill which allows just about every illegal law breaker to stay in the country for the small price of a couple of grand.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for immigration... only the legal kind.

So, given that McCain is the Republican nominee (boy, it pains me to say that) I must then hope that Clinton is the Democratic nominee. Why?

What is McCain? An aged, war-hero, career politician. What's Obama? A young guy with a fresh take and the perceived "outsider" voicing the people's concerns. Sure, he's been a Senator for two years, but apparently it takes three years to be considered an insider.

Anyway, if Obama wins the Democratic nomination and faces McCain... well, it won't be pretty. Can you say "Kennedy vs. Nixon?" Could those two guys look and act and simply be more different? Young vibrant newcomer black guy against an old, stodgy, politically rudderless white guy who is visually the epitome of what a career, inefficient politician looks like.

At least with Clinton there's enough people that know from history that she's less than trustworthy and from personal taste that she's less than likable. At least McCain would have a shot against her. Granted, it would look like a campaign for president of the nursing home instead of the most powerful office in the U.S., but at least McCain could possibly, on a good day, possibly represent my conservative beliefs... maybe.

McCain against Obama, however... ha! Not a chance. Obama's campaign is so invigorated and excited and full of life. Nothing else comes close.

As I heard via email the other day, I believe I have come down with Electile Dysfunction, because I just can't get excited about anyone in this presidential race.

Ugh...

All options suck right now. I can't believe the remaining candidates are the best five people available in this U.S. that are willing to try and run the most powerful country in the world. Are we sure we've looked everywhere?

There's got to be an honest, law-abiding and upholding male or female with integrity out there, isn't there?

Oh, wait a minute, I'm talking about politics. Never mind.

I guess we'll just have to deal with the used car salesmen (and woman) that we're stuck picking from.

Tailgate Golf

Okay, things have been pretty solemn around this blog lately... appropriately so. However, I take after my father and, as my saintly mother likes to tell me in her Bostonian accent, I like "baaathroom humah."

If you are easily offended, I suggest you move on, as the last thing I want to do is offend. Or, you can react like my wife and simply call me an idiot.

If you dare continue then let me say, as someone who's a sucker for physical comedy and enjoys a fart joke like an immature 10 year old, I offer to you the following item...

Tailgate Golf (aka: Sag 'Nads).


Sag 'Nads is a game in which you throw two golf balls tied to a string and try to have it wrap around one of the three cross bars. If you throw it on the top bar, its 2 pts. On the middle bar, its 1 pt, on the bottom bar, its 3 pts.


As we passed time up in NC this Christmas holiday we used Sag 'Nads to bring a much needed spark of "baaathroom humah" into an otherwise tense couple of weeks. As the golf balls wrapped around the crossbars, we couldn't help but name them and give them greater point values if certain elements fell into place.

For example:

A typical shot results in what was called the "Young Lad." No additional points here.


If your balls hung loosely around a crossbar, that's called the "Old Man." No point deduction or gain, but nothing to be proud of...


If you throw three "Old Men" that equals "The Lodge." Give yourself 2 extra points for consistency.

If two "Old Men" get wrapped around each other, that's called a "Turkish Prison." Again, not pretty, but worth 2 extra points.


If three "Old Men" get intertwined, you've reached the "Bath House." Uncomfortable to look at, but it gives you 5 extra points.


Now, if your balls are wrapped tightly, that's called a "Spitz." Give yourself an additional point.

If your balls are wrapped super-tight, that is what we call the "Louganis" and you can rack up an additional 2 points.

If you get three Spitz's or Louganis', then you have acquired a "Swim Team", so add 10 points to your total.


Now, if you miss the target completely, we called that a "Eunich." A "Eunich" = 0 points.

If you miss all three times, well, then you threw yourself "A Monestary." This means you're either really bad or fairly intoxicated. You must subtract 5 points.


Now, if you step too far back and hurl the balls high and far, you may have to endure the "Woody Woodpecker," where your balls get wrapped around a tree branch some fifty feet above your head. This will lead to frustration, angst and require 45 minutes of MacGyver-like skills to retrieve said balls. Avoid this at all cost. It's a buzz kill and a game-ender to be sure. Deduct 100 points.

So, there you have it. A little low brow humor to add some fun to a game that is actually quite enjoyable... Tailgate Golf.

Next time you're cookin' up some grub at the hind-end of your car or truck, kick off a game of Sag 'Nads. You'll have a good time.

But wear a cup.