My Life With Crohns So Far... Part 7

As I lay in the hospital bed, recovering from my first intestinal surgery, I finally began to understand the long physical struggle ahead of me. And keeping the mental health in check during that time was also a struggle. Even my first trip to the hospital in Indiana had not prepared me for the journey I was about to take.

Each day during the first week of recovery, things began to improve relatively quickly. I was up and walking in no time. I was doing my breathing exercises and my stomach was starting to wake up from the anesthesia. Things were looking good.

Then, one morning, I woke up and was excessively tired. I was wheeled down to x-ray for a standard intestinal x-ray. The technician said "Mr. Bauer, I need you to stand over here." I tried to stand up, but couldn't. I didn't have any energy. I couldn't move. "I'm sorry," I said, "I can't. I can't stand up." The technician then had me wheeled back to my room.

As I lay there, I found myself so weak that I couldn't move or feel anything. I couldn't move any muscle. They did a blood gas test, which is a very painful test, and I felt nothing. I couldn't open my eyes. I couldn't move my hands. I couldn't speak. But, I was awake. And I could hear everything around me. I was completely aware.

I remember thinking, "if this is a coma, then this is hell, literally." My parents came in and the doctors gave them some vague idea of my condition. I remember my mom saying, holding back the tears, that we had recently lost her oldest son Joe that past August to an aneurism... her voice trailed off. The doctor reassured her the best he could. I wanted so much to let my Mom and Dad know that I could hear them. That, on some level, I was okay. But I couldn't do anything, couldn't say anything.

I knew my wife was due for a visit and knew her reaction would not be calm. When she entered the room, I heard my Mom immediately say "It's okay. Everything is going to be all right!" My wife immediately responded, "Of course everything is all right! Why wouldn't it be all right?"

I felt so helpless. Everyone was concerned. I was concerned. And I prayed. What else could I do? God was the only one who could hear me.

Dr. Boyd came in later and personally wheeled me in my bed from one test to another. They thought it could be a blood clot in my lung. They thought it could be an infection at the surgery site. They weren't sure and my fever was growing. They decided to pump me full of antibiotics and see if my body would respond.

Apparently word got out because most of my family came to the hospital that night. My wife sat next to me, running her hands through my sweat-saturated hair as the fever was in full force. And, what was weird, was that everyone was talking to me as if I were a baby. It irritated me. I'm not an infant! I just can't move! I know they didn't mean it, but it bothered me. And, in our typical family sense of humor, where the quality of the insult the most valued commodity, my brother Charles told me that, if I didn't get better, that maybe the hospital could fit me with a chair like Captain Pike on the original Star Trek series. One light for Yes, two lights for No. The quality of the joke was high, but in my state, was not appreciated by me.

I started to slip between consciousness and unconsciousness. I was so hot and thirsty that I kept having dreams of diving and swimming in a large, spring fed lake. I can still see the image so clearly in my head. And then I started having the cast of Friends in my dreams, like I was one of the people in the show. Weird.

The next night I listened to the San Francisco 49ers beat up on the San Diego Chargers in the Super Bowl... didn't get to see it, but I did hear it. Eventually, the fever broke and, after another week in the hospital, I was finally discharged. The smell of the fresh air in the hospital parking lot never smelled so sweet.

And that’s the second time Crohns almost killed me. Anyone up for round three?

To be continued...

Predictor Pete - Week Three

The Bucs had an impressive defensive game against the Bills to move to 2-0. A solid defense and a quality running game = Wins

And the Bucs have used that equation to stay undefeated in this early part of the season.

This week the Bucs go up to Lambeau Field in Green Bay to take on the 2-0 Packers. This game scares me for a couple of reasons. First, the value of the game... for the Bucs, there is a big difference between going 3-0 and 2-1. With a win, the Bucs are off to a serious start. Moving 2-1 makes you one game away from .500. The same goes for the Pack... 0-3 is devastating. 1-2 is only one game from .500.

The Packers need this game. The Bucs would like this game. That combination is the scary part.

My Heart: Bucs 24-3.
My Mind: Bucs 20-9
My Colon: Packers 17-14.

My Pick: Bucs 24-13...

On paper, the Bucs should win. They have a solid running game and a great defense. The Packers are weak on defense and their offense is struggling. The Bucs should win without much concern. But, that's only on paper. When it comes to actually playing the game, things could be vastly different. If the Bucs get complacent or just have a bad game with a lot of turnovers, then the Pack will win. If they play to their strengths and keep the mistakes to a minimum, the Bucs should win.

My Record: 2 - 0.

THE BOX Gets Another Positive Review...

Our micorcinema company, called Local Talent Productions, produced a DV Feature called THE BOX in 2004. The film has received another positive review at Cold Fusion Video Reviews.com. You can check out the review by clicking here.

The site is run by Nathan Shumate and he has a very distinctive critique style. He layers both accurate and humorous analysis of a large variety of films. I have his site as one of my favorites... if you're a film fan, I suggest you do the same.

My Life With Crohns So Far... Part 6

The second time Crohns almost killed me...

When we got married I was working as an actor… which means we were broke. After we were married, I began working in television, which means we were nearly broke. Both meant we didn’t have health insurance. Dr. Boyd was my gastroenterologist at the time. For the first five or so years of him treating me, during my broke and uninsured phase of my life, he never once charged me for his services.

Not once.

I remember saying “look, I’ll pay you something, just let me know.” He looked at me and with his southern-gentleman drawl said “Pete, don’t worry about it. I don’t make money off of patients like you. I’ll let you know when you can start paying.” It was only years later, when I finally got a job with insurance, that I was able to convince him to accept payment. He was an amazing man and an even greater doctor.

He’s the only doctor I've ever met that was never late for an appointment. Actually, that’s not true. Once I had an appointment with him at 2:00 p.m. He entered the examining room at 2:03 p.m. and apologized profusely. I said “I don’t know if you know this, but you’re a doctor! Do you know what that means?” But, he felt my time was as valuable as his. More doctors should hold that opinion.

In any event, as my intestinal scarring continued to grow and as I neared the five year anniversary of my first major attack, just like clockwork, it appeared as though I would need intestinal surgery. At the time I was working for a national cable network in Orlando. I had been married for almost two years and my wife and I were blessed with a 1 & 1/2 yr old daughter. My work hours had become unbearable, working 12-18 hours a day, six days a week for three months. On one of my rare days off I was sitting in the living room with my wife and daughter. At one point, my wife tells my daughter to "go see Daddy" and my daughter walked passed me and over to the phone. She didn't even recognize me as her father. It was at that point that I knew something had to change. Either I could continue to pursue my life-long dream of working in the entertainment industry, or I could be a responsible father and husband. I chose the latter.

We decided to move from Orlando back to the Tampa Bay area. Knowing I didn’t have insurance, my doctor informed me to go to the emergency room where he’d admit me. I should have known that things weren't going to go well, as there were numerous signs, all of which I blissfully ignored. See, my wife and I moved out of Orlando... on Friday, the 13th of January. We were moving to Tampa Bay where I was to take a position at local television station... Channel 13. While I recovered from the surgery, we were going to live with her parents for a short time, so we stored our belongings in a storage facility... we were assigned Unit #13.

So, I go to the emergency room, get admitted into the hospital and after some arguing between my gastroenterologist and the surgeon, they agree to give me the surgery.

Do you know how they find Crohns scarring in your intestines during a resection? Well, they take those internal organs that are in the way and throw ‘em on your chest. They then take your intestines, pinch it through their fingers, and squeeze it through the length of your intestinal tract. They can feel the scar tissue inside, so they pick the beginning, the end, snip, sew, done. Like a cowboy at a colonic rodeo.

After the surgery the wheeled me up to my room and gave my a self-limiting self-medicating morphine button, a device to blow into to keep my lungs from developing pneumonia and a bunch of ice to chew. It was during the recovery where things started to go terribly wrong...

To be continued...

In the path...

My brother Paul lives in Houston, TX and is making prepartions to evacuate. As Rita moves quickly toward him, he and his family are scrambing to get out. He's got plans to stay in Pensacola... I hope he makes it there without issue.

Paul, our prayers are with you and the family. Let us know if there is anything more we can do to help.

Love ya.

My Life With Crohns So Far... Part 5

One of the benefits of having a chronic illness is that it never goes away… i.e., the term “chronic.” What often happens with Crohns patients is that, at the ileum, over a five year period, ulcers will continue to occur until there is enough scar tissue to cause a complete blockage of the intestinal tract. Other primary symptoms during this process is intestinal swelling, which causes a bloating of the stomach.

So, during the first five years of having Crohns I would have to deal with these intense bouts of intestinal swelling and stomach pain. My intestines would swell shut, but, apparently, the stomach and intestines are not on speaking terms, as the stomach would continue to attempt to move food into the intestinal tract even though it had completed swelled shut. The end result is that pressure would continue to grow in the stomach and I would get more and more bloated. For me, this entire process took about 14 hours of excruciating pain. At the peak, my stomach was so bloated I looked nine months pregnant.

Now, Paul, who had to deal with all of this years before I did, taught me an important lesson. Taking a lead from our mother, who spent our childhood instructing us to offer up our problems to God, Paul said that, when going through these cramping phases, to offer that intense suffering up to God. If you’re going to go through the pain anyway, why not offer it up to God and let him do with it what he wills. Maybe it will decrease the suffering of someone else, maybe you will be rewarded by your faith with greater mercy or grace… I don’t know, but the important thing is not to waste the suffering.

No one knows why God allows suffering. Maybe it’s as simple as that, through suffering, many people are brought to prayer. Maybe suffering is the end result of a series of free will decisions that ended badly. Who knows? Paul’s point was to offer the suffering Crohns was giving us to God as a sacrifice. So, when these waves of intestinal bloating and cramping would hit, I would offer it up to God. In the most basic sense, doing so at least gave the event some purpose, some greater meaning than me just lying on the bathroom floor counting the seconds until the pain subsided.

About the time when these cramping events became more frequent and intense, my wife and I were now married and she was pregnant with my daughter. I had been going with her to these natural childbirth classes, going over breathing techniques and regulating pain, etc. So, as I’m on the floor one night in the bathroom, I thought to myself, “you know, I’m going to time how long each of these waves of cramping last. I’ll uses these breathing techniques from the childbirth class and see if I can regulate my pain. Plus, I’ll be able to get an idea of what my wife will go through when our daughter enters the world.”

So, I’m lying on the floor and the next wave hits. Click! I hit the timer on my watch and breathe. Breathe. Pain. Breathe. Pain. Breathe. Pain. The pain is so intense I lose all sense of time. Suddenly the pain begins to subside. When it completely dissipates, CLICK! I look at my watch, proudly. Thirty seconds. Thirty seconds! That was it! Thirty measly seconds? I was like “Holy crap!” But I didn’t say crap. “Wow! Giving birth is going to suck!”

Which moves us to the second time Crohns almost killed me.

To be continued...

My Life With Crohns So Far... Part 4

So, my brother has Crohns. I pray to lay the burden of the disease upon me to help him. God says Yes. I end up bleeding profusely at one of my brother's wedding rehearsals. I ended up in a hospital in Indiana, in the emergency room, as the doctors work feverishly to stop the bleeding.

They eventually get me stable. At the end of it all I had I lost something like a pint and a half of blood. I was just about to get a transfusion when the bleeding stopped. So, they admitted me to the Methodist Hospital in Indianapolis and, as it turned out, the only room available was in the Neuro Ward. The Neuro Ward is for people with head or spinal injuries… those poor people!

Now, it's important to understand that I had never been in a hospital before, so I was really nervous. I've never been in a hospital... I'm in a city I’ve never been in.. I'm away from home... Alone... In the Neuro Ward.

By the time I got to my room, it was night and I was weak and exhausted. And as I started to drift off to sleep I suddenly hear a patient down the hall scream in a delusional state “THEY’RE KILLING ME! THEY’RE KILLING ME! OH GOD, HELP ME, THEY'RE KILLING ME!”

That made me feel much better.

All night it was “HELP, THEY’RE KILLING ME!” over and over again. When that finally subsided, every time I would start to nod off to sleep, the nurse would come in, wake me up, take my vitals and draw more blood After a while I’m like, “C’mon! I bled all over the emergency room! Can’t you just get some there?” The nurse smiled and informed me that they needed to make sure the bleeding had stopped and that my blood count was rising.

After a couple of days the sent me home. I missed the wedding and I had forgotten to put film in the camera. So, my parents spent the entire wedding clicking an empty camera only to find out weeks later that no pictures were taken. Fortunately, I had a good excuse.

The docs put me on a whole bunch of meds until I could get home and see a gastroenterologist. The medicine of choice was prednisone. Prednisone is a frickin’ miracle drug! I believe everyone on the planet should be on prednisone for two weeks. In those first two weeks, you become the best person you’ll ever be. Your be extremely creative, extremely efficient… your house will be spotless, a stream of consciousness of great ideas will just flow through you. You are at the pinnacle of your existence.

Then, after two weeks, the side effects start to appear. See, there’s this little button in your brain that, when pushed, tells you you’re hungry. Well, when you’re on prednisone it’s suddenly as if a computer gamer is hitting that button with blazing speed, as if his chance to become ruler of the gaming universe depended on it. You are always hungry. And you rarely sleep. I remember waking up from an excessive four hours of sleep with the idea that I was in desperate need of a six egg cheese omelet. Which, by the way, I followed up with an entire pack of Oreo cookies and milk. And my brain was telling me I was still hungry!

Another side effect of prolonged prednisone usage is intense indigestion. So, you’re always hungry and you’ve got volcanic indigestion! A great combination! And you retain water. And you gain weight. And your face blows up like a balloon. And you’ll have unpredictable and offensive mood swings. And your sweat gets really thick. And your hair is always greasy. And you lose hair on your head and gain it elsewhere on your body where God did not intend it! And you’re covered with pimples.

In other words, you become extremely sexy!

To be continued...

Vatican To Ban Homosexuals From Priesthood

It's being reported that Pope Benedict XVI has approved the banning of homosexual men from becoming priests. My initial reaction is that, since everyone is celebate, does it matter? However, I haven't spent enough time to understand the Church's reasoning to make an educated opinion on the matter.

You can read more about it at LifeSiteNews.com.

It also appears the Vatican has instituted an inspection of seminaries to make sure they are following Vatican guidelines, which is always a good idea.

To those seminaries pushing the boundaries of heresy, all I can say is... accountability sucks, eh?

My Life With Crohns So Far... Part 3

Now, my brother Paul has had Crohns for years. My brother Charles and I pray to God to give the disease to each of us if it would make Paul better... yes, ignorance is bliss.

And, the Lord said Yes to that request... to me.

The year is 1989 and I'm now 23 and a recent graduate of the University of Florida with a Bachelors of Fine Arts. I'm a semi-employed actor and I join my mother, father and niece Katie on a trek to Indiana to attend and take pictures at my oldest brother Joseph's second marriage.

While we were at the wedding rehearsal, I started to feel nauseaus, so I went to the restroom at the back of the church and it turned out I was having massive internal bleeding from my intestines. Never having seen anything like this before, I get my Dad and ask him if it was normal. I’ll never forget... he looked into the bathroom, then to the priest and said calmly “Where’s the nearest hospital?”

I lay down in the back of my Dad’s car and off to the hospital we go. Being children of the depression and young adults during World War II, my parents are notoriously frugal. So, I’m lying in the back seat, feeling the pressure of the blood building up within me and my Dad says “Pete, I’m just going to drop you off at the emergency entrance. If I sign you in, then they’ll bill my insurance.” Considering I was in no position to argue, I agreed.

So, we arrive at the hospital and I walk into the emergency room. I was feeling very light headed as I staggered up to the receptionist. I said “hi, my name is Pete Bauer and I’m bleeding internally.” The receptionist responded “is that B-O-W-E-R?”

Now, when I was a kid, at the beginning of every school year the homeroom teachers would go through the class roll. “Anderson” – “here”, “Banks” – “here” and then they’d come to me… “Bow… boy… boyuer, baver…” And I’d always have to say “Bauer!” So, when the receptionist asked me to spell my name, in that millisecond I remember asking God... “God, of all times, couldn’t she have guessed my name right!?”

I responded “no, B-A-U-E-R and I think I’m going to pass out.” And, apparently, I did! I felt this great release, like I was floating, angelic almost. It was awesome. Then, the next thing I know some nurse is beating the crap out of my face, slapping me repeatedly. I’m on a gurney being wheeled quickly into the emergency room.

Hint: If you want to get into the emergency room quickly, pass out! Trust me on this one.

The lights on the ceiling were flashing by, like in the movies, while this nurse smacks me repeatedly in the face saying “Mr. Bauer, are you with us! Are you with us!” I said Yes as we arrived in the emergency room.

Within minutes, doctors were swarming around me, prodding, poking, asking a million questions at once. It was something right out of “ER.” I told them I had a brother who had Crohns and they kept prodding and poking and asking. And, you know, I remember thinking, “wow, this is one of those serious situations you read about.” And I always wondered how I would handle a crisis. And you know what? I’m funny! I was joking left and right. I was on fire! When in a crisis, I make jokes! Good to know.

At one point, I’m getting a little perturbed because all of these nurses and doctors aren’t appreciating just how “on” I am! So, I finally say “you know, this is some of my best stuff!” The doctor simply looked at me and said “Mr. Bauer, we’re trying to save your life.” “Oh, well then, proceed.” I mean, if it’s that important to you!

To be continued...

Reading, Writing and Baseball

My 8 1/2 year old son is a baseball nut. Loves the game, excels at playing it, watches it whenever it's on TV... he's amazing. He actually began reading and doing math by watching baseball... reading the names of the players and the names of the teams, adding up balls, strikes, outs and runs, etc.

This year in school he's been struggling to maintain an effective interest in the reading and writing aspects of his education. I thought of using his love of baseball as a way to give him a good example. I was going to explain to him how baseball can get him college scholarships and that baseball players do a lot of reading and writing, researching their opponents, etc.

So, I said to him... "if you want to be a baseball player when you grow up, you're going to have to be a good reader and have good handwriting. Do you know why?"

He answered with excitement. "Yeah! So I can sign all of those contracts!"

My Life With Crohns So Far... Part 2

So, my brother Paul has had Crohns for years (misdiagnosed) and his health has deteriorated. My brother Charles and I stay late after church youth group one night and ask God to give us the disease if it would make Paul better. At that moment, God ended up saying Yes to one of us.

Like any other parent, God answers our prayers with Yes, No and Maybe Laters. The fact that He answers us at all is amazing to me. When I was growing up I had a really cool poster on my wall. See, my parents used to get the National Geographic and every once and a while they'd have these really cool pull-out posters inside. The one I had on my wall was a picture of the known universe at that time.

It started, in one corner of the poster, with a box with a picture of our planet with the sun. And that box zoomed out and was part of another box that showed our planet in the solar system. And that box zoomed out to show our solar system in our section of the Milky Way galaxy. And that box zoomed out to show the entire Milky Way galaxy. And that box zoomed out to show our galaxy in cluster of galaxies. And that box zoomed out to show our cluster of galaxies in a super cluster of galaxies. And that box zoomed out and showed those super clusters in a group of other super clusters. And that box zoomed out to the known universe. And I remember trying really hard to understand just how massive the universe was… it was so hard to grasp the enormity of it all.

Years later, after the Hubble telescope went up into space, in the paper there was a picture taken of these two spiral galaxies colliding. And the article said it would take billions of years for the collision to complete. And I remember thinking back to that poster on the wall and I thought, “not only does God understand all the complexities of these two galaxies colliding, but it will happen all within his timeframe. He can comprehend billions of years the way we comprehend seconds in a day.” And it occurred to me how amazing it is that, considering all the God understands and how infinite his time, that in this section of our universe, in our section of the galaxy, in our section of the solar system, in this little square on a little planet, that God loves me enough to listen to my every prayer every minute, every day.

It is so hard to grasp the enormity of his love for us.

So, I found it funny that, out of all of the moments in the universe, God chose that one moment, where I asked for my brother’s illness, for Him to not only listen, but to say Yes! We often treat God like Santa Clause… “I want a new bike,” “I want a new job,” “I want a new relationship…” And out of all of the things that I had asked God for up to that point in my life, it was that request to which the Lord actually said Yes!

I sometimes think that, maybe, when we think God isn’t listening, he’s just over looking at those colliding galaxies. By the time he looks back and says “I’m sorry, you said something?” six years had passed…

...to 1989... and I'm now 23.

To be continued...

Monday Morning QB - 9/19

The Bucs home opener was as I had hoped. The Bills have a very good defense, a good running game and a new QB. The Bucs were able to establish the run against the Bills, which is a great achievement. It took two quarters to wear the Bills down, but by the third quarter the Bucs started to take control.

My prediction: Bucs 20, Bills 13

Score: Bucs 19, Bills 3

Overall, the game was ugly-sexy... not high scoring, a lot of running, a lot of defense. Old school win.

Offense: B. Running game was established for the second week in a row. C. Williams is a special running back. He hurt is ankle in the second quarter, but came back to continue to dominate. I hope his injury isn't severe. Griese was inaccurate early, which hurt moving the ball effectively.

Defense: A. Amazing defense. Complete domination. If you can hold a team to 1 first down in the first half, you're doing something right.

Special Teams: B+. Punting the ball to the 1 yard line... three plays later a safety. No missed field goals or PATs.

Coaching: B+. A conservative game plan against a quality team. The Bucs were determined to run a lot and keep throwing to a minimum against the Bills D. The Bucs defense completely dominated the Bills offense, shutting down their running game and making QB Losman look lost.

Outstanding Players: Cadillac. Barber. O-Line. Brooks. D-Line.

Things That Drove Me Nuts: Griese missing an open Joey Gallaway and Alex Smith on passes in the first half that would have resulted in big gains.

Bucs Record: 2-0.

Next Opponent: Next week, the Bucs head off to Lambeau Field, to take on the 0-2 Packers. A critical game for both teams. There is a HUGE difference between being 2-1 and 3-0. The same goes for the Pack, were they can salvage something, as there is an equally HUGE difference between being 1-2 and 0-3.

Another outstanding running game and dominating defense.

My Life With Crohns So Far... Part 1

My experiences with Crohns disease has often been a humorous journey, so I thought I'd capture some of the highlights in a multi-part series. I hope you enjoy the ride.

Crohns… What is it? Crohns is an intestinal disorder that can cause bleeding ulcers, intestinal swelling, scar tissue, blockage and a multitude of other issues. It usually attacks at the Ileum, where the small and large intestine meet, but it can occur anywhere from your intake to your output.

It's funny... they say that Crohns doesn’t kill you. Instead, they say that the symptoms of Crohns can kill you. In any event, either Crohns or its symptoms have almost killed me four times.

I'm the last child in a family of eight. The last three of us, Paul, Charles and I, are all close knit and close in age. My brother Paul got Crohns in the late 70's while he was in high school. It was misdiagnosed for quite some time and his health continued to deteriorate. He got so sick that, in his prom pictures, he looked as if he was a concentration camp survivor. When he was able to keep his meals down, after dinner he would lay over an ottoman and ask one of us to rub his lower back... it made him feel better. When you touched his back it was just skin and bone. He was so, so sick.

Paul rarely complained. He kept his sickness primarily to himself. Sure, it impacted the family, but he never tried to leverage it for attention or other personal gain. He suffered in silence.

All three of us were very involved with our church youth group. As Paul got more and more sick, Charles and I were getting really concerned about his health. So, one night, after youth group Charles and I sat and prayed about it... just the two of us. We prayed that the Lord would heal Paul. We even prayed for God to give us the disease. Paul was always a notorious bookworm and Charles and I were much more athletic... we could handle the disease. No problem!

About nine years later I got Crohns. And Charles... well either he didn't mean it when we prayed or he made a pact with Satan because he's one of the healthiest people I know. Of course, he now has eleven children, so maybe we’re even.

To be continued...