Tailgate Golf

Okay, things have been pretty solemn around this blog lately... appropriately so. However, I take after my father and, as my saintly mother likes to tell me in her Bostonian accent, I like "baaathroom humah."

If you are easily offended, I suggest you move on, as the last thing I want to do is offend. Or, you can react like my wife and simply call me an idiot.

If you dare continue then let me say, as someone who's a sucker for physical comedy and enjoys a fart joke like an immature 10 year old, I offer to you the following item...

Tailgate Golf (aka: Sag 'Nads).


Sag 'Nads is a game in which you throw two golf balls tied to a string and try to have it wrap around one of the three cross bars. If you throw it on the top bar, its 2 pts. On the middle bar, its 1 pt, on the bottom bar, its 3 pts.


As we passed time up in NC this Christmas holiday we used Sag 'Nads to bring a much needed spark of "baaathroom humah" into an otherwise tense couple of weeks. As the golf balls wrapped around the crossbars, we couldn't help but name them and give them greater point values if certain elements fell into place.

For example:

A typical shot results in what was called the "Young Lad." No additional points here.


If your balls hung loosely around a crossbar, that's called the "Old Man." No point deduction or gain, but nothing to be proud of...


If you throw three "Old Men" that equals "The Lodge." Give yourself 2 extra points for consistency.

If two "Old Men" get wrapped around each other, that's called a "Turkish Prison." Again, not pretty, but worth 2 extra points.


If three "Old Men" get intertwined, you've reached the "Bath House." Uncomfortable to look at, but it gives you 5 extra points.


Now, if your balls are wrapped tightly, that's called a "Spitz." Give yourself an additional point.

If your balls are wrapped super-tight, that is what we call the "Louganis" and you can rack up an additional 2 points.

If you get three Spitz's or Louganis', then you have acquired a "Swim Team", so add 10 points to your total.


Now, if you miss the target completely, we called that a "Eunich." A "Eunich" = 0 points.

If you miss all three times, well, then you threw yourself "A Monestary." This means you're either really bad or fairly intoxicated. You must subtract 5 points.


Now, if you step too far back and hurl the balls high and far, you may have to endure the "Woody Woodpecker," where your balls get wrapped around a tree branch some fifty feet above your head. This will lead to frustration, angst and require 45 minutes of MacGyver-like skills to retrieve said balls. Avoid this at all cost. It's a buzz kill and a game-ender to be sure. Deduct 100 points.

So, there you have it. A little low brow humor to add some fun to a game that is actually quite enjoyable... Tailgate Golf.

Next time you're cookin' up some grub at the hind-end of your car or truck, kick off a game of Sag 'Nads. You'll have a good time.

But wear a cup.

Interview with an Exorcist (2006)

I've always been intrigued by the spiritual realm.

I remember hearing an interview with Father Malachi Martin who, when speaking about the real exorcism from which the movie The Exorcist was based, stated that our sins are on the "public record," so to speak, in the spiritual realm. He spoke about how they are available to the demons to use against the priest. And how, at the end of that one particular difficult exorcism that spawned a movie franchise, a small group of people in a small church nearby all saw the image of St. Michael the Arc Angel lifting his sword in victory after the mighty demon was finally purged from the child.

Stories like that have fascinated me. I've always figured the spiritual realm was much greater, much more complex and far more intricate than we could ever imagine in our small little brains.

And, personally, I have felt the tinge of harassment from an unwelcomed entity at one point in my life.

So, picking up the book Interview with an Exorcist, by Father Jose Antonio Fortea of Spain, was a really interesting and a sometimes disturbing read about the nature of demonic forces, their goals, how best to combat them and the limits of what they can and cannot do. The book is fashioned in the standard and efficient answer/question format where, over the course of 110 questions, Father Fortea gives real world insight into what's up the Devil's sleeve and ways in which we can avoid or combat the work of the evil minions.

Some of that information was quite surprising.

Father warns that Satan would like nothing better than to make us all non-believers in him. Some religions have actually disbanded exorcists completely. Nothing makes Satan happier. Fortunately, Pope Benedict XVI has recently requested that more exorcist be made available to confront evil within our society.

Reading this book was also therapeutic for me, as it forced me to face the disturbing memories of when I felt attacked by an evil presence. Thankfully, the mercy of God is great and through pure living and frequent prayer Satan is unable to beat us.

God will be victorious in the end. And if we can remain by His side we will always be protected.