Cafeteria Catholics Leaving Before Dessert

There are certain things I've come to expect as I grow older. I expect my hair to thin and recede on the top of my head. I expect hair to grow on other parts of my body that never once held follicles. I expect my body to ache. I expect my hearing to go and my eyesight to diminish. I expect more frequent trips to the bathroom. I expect my grand kids' music to be too dang loud. I expect to have an instinctual urge to live in a 55+ only community.

But the one thing I don't understand is all of the older Catholics who leave Mass early. Our church has a 4 p.m. Mass on Saturday's that is heavily attended by the snowbirds and retirees. I was dismayed that about 20% of the elderly left before communion. Another 10% left after communion, but before the final blessing.

What is up with that? What the hell is so important?

A member of our renew group often complains about the "cafeteria Catholics", those who attend Mass, treating it as some sort of heavenly insurance policy... "If I go every week and attend 70% of the service, then I should be a shoe in to get into heaven. I mean, I don't have to pay attention or stay through the end or even receive communion. I just have to sit my old, bony butt on this hard wooden pew for 37 minutes a week and I'm in!"

It was so frustrating. I was seated near the exit of the church and people kept getting irriating because I was praying and wasn't aware that they needed to pass me to leave church early. Yeah, I'm the one who's offensive in that situation.

For those early bird special exiters... if you actually stick around for a total of five minutes AFTER Mass, the parking lot is almost entirely empty. So, you'll be able to leave the parking lot with little concern about fighting your fellow Christians to the death on the way out.

So, the one thing I do NOT expect is to be one of those Catholics who leaves Mass early. After all, my crossword puzzles or naps or trips to the pharmacy can wait just a few extra minutes... I think God's worth it.