INT. HOUSE – HALLOWEEN NIGHT
Like a 1950’s TV show. JOHNNY, JIMMY and JAMIE enter the house, dressed in Halloween costumes. Johnny has the largest bag of candy, Jimmy’s bag has some candy and Jamie’s bag is completely empty.
The children are greeted by Johnny's mom, GRACIE.
GRACIE
Hi Johnny! Home so soon?
JOHNNY
Yeah! I worked so hard that my bag is full already! I’m halfway to my goal. I'm going to empty it and go back out there.
GRACIE
Who are your friends here?
JOHNNY
Well, I was getting so much candy I asked Jimmy to help me and, if he did, I'd pay him with some of my own candy.
GRACIE
(looks to Jamie)
And who's that?
JOHNNY
That's Jamie. He hasn't gone trick-or-treating yet. I told him that when I go back out, if he helped me, I'd pay him with some of my candy too!
GRACIE
(smiles)
That's nice!
Gracie takes Johnny's bag of candy and dumps it out onto the counter.
GRACIE
Well, under Barack Obama's redistribution of candy tax plan I'm going to take about half of your candy.
JOHNNY
What?
GRACIE
Honey, you have so much more than the other boys. You should spread the wealth.
JOHNNY
But I worked hard for that candy. I set a goal of collecting two bags of candy this year.
Grace takes half of the candy.
GRACIE
There!
JOHNNY
(disheartened)
But...
Gracie takes a third of her portion of the candy and gives it to JED, a lumpy boy sitting on the couch watching television.
JOHNNY
Why are you giving Jed my candy? He didn't earn it.
GRACIE
As long as Jed doesn't have any candy we're going to take your candy and give it to him. Don't be so selfish!
JOHNNY
I'm not being selfish. If you keep giving my candy to Jed he'll never go out and get any of his own candy.
GRACIE
So?
JOHNNY
Does that mean you'll always take my candy and give it to him, even if he never even gets off the couch?
GRACIE
Yes!
JOHNNY
Why?
GRACIE
It's called socialism, Johnny. It's the foundation of communist countries like China.
JOHNNY
But I thought we were a capatilistic society?
GRACIE
(rubs his head)
Oh, Johnny, you're so retro.
Frustrated, Johnny looks to Jimmy and Jamie.
JOHNNY
(to Jamie)
Jamie, I'm sorry, but I'm not going to hire you.
(to Jimmy)
Jimmy, I'm sorry, but you're fired. If I keep you both on I'll never meet my goal of two bags of candy this year.
GRACIE
(smiles)
That's the spirit!
She bends down hugs the kids tight, all unhappy.
GRACIE
(hugging kids)
Isn't socialism great!
Jed, with a mouth full of candy, raises his hand.
JED
It's awesome!
Gracie smiles brightly. The kids sour.
THE END
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4 comments:
"a lumpy boy" -- ha ha haaaa!!
Hard Worker Boy can keep all his damned candy -- and I hope all his teeth rot out of his selfish greedy head.
;)
Those who want to go directly to hell, they can follow capitalism. And those of us who want to build heaven here on earth, we will follow socialism. ”
— Hugo Chávez
Ah, the great theologian, Hugo Chavez. That's who I turn to for moral guidance.
Mr. Socialist took over privately held oil companies, which are now running at 50% capacity because of inefficiency and corruption. I guess heaven is full of slackers and bribe-takers.
Amen. That's the worst Halloween ever!
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