© 2007 Pete Bauer
*****
FADE IN.
INT. HOUSE - EVENING
A woman, KATE, enters her home to find MIKEY
sitting at the bar in her kitchen, eating a
sandwich.
KATE
Who are you?
MIKEY
I'm Mikey. I lived in the house
behind your's.
KATE
What are you doing here?
MIKEY
Well, you have a really nice house.
KATE
Thank you.
MIKEY
Probably the best house in the
entire neighborhood.
KATE
Okay.
MIKEY
So, I thought I'd come over and
live here instead.
KATE
But I live here.
MIKE
I mean, your house is much better
than mine! So, I thought I'd come
over and share it with you.
KATE
But this is my house. I was born
in this house.
MIKEY
I know, but you've got plenty of
room. All of those empty bedrooms.
KATE
I know, but, maybe I'm not making
myself clear...
MIKEY
(interrupts)
Look, I noticed, no offense, that
your house was kinda messy, so I
cleaned up a bit. I'm a very hard
worker.
KATE
(notices his work)
Yes, it is very clean. You did a
good job.
MIKEY
I work very hard. I'm a very nice
guy, really. You can trust me.
KATE
But you broke into my house.
MIKEY
That's because your house was
better than mine.
KATE
But, how can I trust you if the
first thing you did is break into
my house?
MIKEY
Oh, you're one of those.
KATE
One of what?
MIKEY
One of those who automatically
assume because I come from the
other neighborhood that I'm not
trustworthy.
KATE
No, that's not it at all.
MIKEY
You're a bigot.
KATE
I am not! This has nothing to do
with whether I like you or not,
it's about what you've done to get
here.
MIKEY
But you have more than I do, so I
want some of it. Besides, I'm
willing to work for it.
KATE
I already have people who clean my
house.
MIKEY
I'll do it cheaper.
KATE
That's not the point. When I hire
someone I check the references, do
background checks, make sure
they're not dangerous. I don't
know anything about you.
MIKEY
I'm very nice. You'll see.
KATE
Look, Mikey, I don't think you're
understanding me...
MIKEY
(winces)
Oh, listen, I think I pulled my
back cleaning up your garage, so
I'm going to need you to take me to
the doctor.
KATE
Oh, do you have insurance?
MIKEY
No, I can't afford that! I figured
you'd pay for it. I mean, if you
can afford this house you certainly
can afford to pay when I hurt
myself.
KATE
But-
MIKEY
Oh, and my brother-in-law, well,
he's one of those people you
mentioned before... you know, got
into a lot of trouble in the old
neighborhood. Well, he followed me
over here and broke your lawn elf,
so I locked him in the shed in the
backyard. He's not a nice guy.
KATE
Well, why doesn't he just go home.
MIKEY
Well, he's locked up in the shed
now. We'll have to wait until he
deserves to come out. Oh, he'll
need cable television and for you
to pay for the electricity and food
while he's in there. And health
costs, of course.
KATE
Of course.
The window opens in the room and another person
sneaks in and disappears into the back of her
house.
KATE (CONT'D)
Who's that?
MIKEY
I don't know. He lives in my
neighborhood, but I've never met
him personally. But, I'm sure he's
okay.
KATE
How do you know that?
MIKEY
I don't. But, I'm sure he's okay.
You can trust him too.
KATE
Look, I have people in my house all
the time. People from all of the
different neighborhoods, including
your's, have come here and are
welcome to stay. But, there's a
process. You have to apply, I make
sure you're okay, and THEN I let
you stay here.
MIKEY
You don't mean that! You don't
have any locks on your doors or
windows! If you really didn't
want people to walk into your
house whenever they wanted, surely
you'd lock your doors and windows,
wouldn't you?
KATE
Well, I got approval to put the
locks on my doors and some of my
windows, but I haven't gotten the
money yet.
MIKEY
You see?
Another person sneaks into the house and hides
behind the couch.
KATE
And who's that?
MIKEY
I have no idea. He isn't from my
neighborhood, but he must have come
through my house to get to yours.
KATE
Why is he hiding?
MIKEY
I have no idea.
KATE
Because a few years ago some people
hiding behind my couch were
responsible for destroying part of
my house and some people died.
MIKEY
Well, I don't know who he is. Now,
let's get back to the important
stuff. Listen, as you can see,
there's quite a few of us in here.
Why don't you just toss out that
whole "making sure we're okay"
thingy and just make us permanent
house guests?
KATE
Because the rules are in place for
a reason. They protect this house.
MIKEY
But, I'm not a bad guy!
KATE
You may not be, but what about
everyone else that's snuck in here?
MIKEY
I have no idea. Oh, and I think,
speaking for those of us who've
recently moved in, we'd like to
talk to you about the rules of the
house overall. You know, have a
say in how the house is run. Stuff
like that.
KATE
But you don't live here!
MIKEY
Sure I do.
KATE
But you broke into my house!
MIKEY
I didn't break in, I moved in.
Now, you should know that my first
language is not your first
language, so I think you need to
start speaking in my language too.
KATE
But-
MIKEY
We already covered that you'll pick
up the cost of our medical bills
and for those locked up in the
shed.
KATE
But-
MIKEY
Now, here's something a lot of us
would like to change... your house
colors... red, white and blue.
C'mon! We have some other ideas.
KATE
Why won't anyone listen to me!
FADE OUT.
Posts
5 comments:
I love it!
Great! You may want to have one of the other "sneakers" blow up her bathroom.
I like it too, go for it, ketlevin
IT ROCKS! GO FOR IT! It's a great way to show what's going on!, dc
Excellent Pete! As a follow up consider Kate's husband coming home, stopping a neighbor from climbing in the window, gets arrested and sent to jail. Then Mikey's child, born in Kate's house, drowns in her unfenced pool, Mikey sues, wins and buys Kate's house and posts a Mexican flag on the roof!
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