So, the whole Fox thing has been pretty interesting, weird and cool. And, in typical male fashion I have been able to parlay that experience into an opportunity to annoy my wife.
A little background first... whenever my birthday comes around my wife is very kind and offers me just about anything I want. She'll cook or get me a gift or whatever. She's very selfless.
It occurred to me a few years ago that such kindness should be extended... so I decided to lengthen my "special day" from a single birth day to what I liberally call "my birthday weekend." Depending on what day my birthday falls this "weekend" could be anywhere from three to five days! Going forward, whenever I would ask for something I would use my excessively humble-sounding voice and state my request as part of "my birthday weekend."
"Honey, can you hand me the remote on my birthday weekend?"
"Honey, can you play with my hair on my birthday weekend?
"Honey, I think you should vacuum my car on my birthday weekend."
This annoyed my wife to no end.
And that annoyance made me happy.
I don't know why. It must be genetic. For example, a few years ago my mother and father were at my brother Charles' house. As my parents were about to leave it started to rain slightly. My mother sprinted... okay, she was 80 kabillion years old then, so it wasn't so much a sprint as it was an effective "dash!" Anyway, she dashed to the car. My dad, cane in hand, looks to me under the dry porch roof and smiles saying "Watch this. I'm gonna drive your mother nuts."
And, in what was slow even for him, which was as close to being motionless and yet, scientifically, actually still include motion, my father walked toward the car in the rain. Step by slow, excruciating step.
After a minute, my Mom popped her dampening head out of the car and said "Chizzle! Hurry up!" My father responded with innocent tones with "Oh, I'm coming!" He turned back to me and winked.
At that moment I realized the sick, sad enjoyment I get from frustrating my wife was going to last until I too was 80 kabillion years old. It was inevitable.
Flash forward to this week. The whole Fox News Real American thing has been a trip and, funny enough, it turned out that I was on almost every single one of their promos! All but one, I think. So, realizing this was another annoyance opportunity I came into the living room to my wife and said "Seeing as I'm in almost every promo for Fox, representing real Americans, I think it's fair to say that I speak for all Americans."
She looked at me with a knowing, great suspicion.
"So..." I continued "America wants to know what's for dinner?"
She couldn't help but laugh... however she also knew that was only the first of 80 kabillion times she was going to hear from "America."
Last night, after three solid days of America wanting things, she was really, really annoyed. I said "America is not happy with your attitude. America thinks you should give your husband a kiss."
My wife responded "I wanna punch America in the face!"
And, like my father before me, I felt a small sense of glee inside.
Sick, probably. Sad, absolutely. Yes, it may be many things, but I can tell you this...
America thinks it's funny.
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10 comments:
OH wow, I have seen Grampa do those things all the time!!! Thanks for the laugh, America.
Pete, you better watch out. I can see Ted Koppel coming back to ABC with a new nightly special, "America Held Hostage, II" coming to you live from Safety Harbor FL...
Robbie may not be related by blood, but he'll annoy me just like you and Grampa. His favorite thing to do is when he's sitting in the recliner with his feet propped up, he'll smile at me(usually in the kitchen cleaning) and say "will you give me a kiss?" Well I fell for it a couple of times, until I realized what the next question was. "While you're here, could you grab the remote off the floor?" or..."On your way over here, could you grab me a beer?" Now he asks the kids to give him a kiss. They haven't figured it out yet.
Funny, thanks for that memory, although I didn't know he did that on purpose. One of his favorites was, "while you're up". All I can say is "God bless America".
I'll be chuckling over America for a few days.
Is America coming over to my house to demolish my kitchen?
America is going to try. I only have a few times where I can shoot Purgatory USA episodes before school starts. I'm still waiting to see how next week is going to unfold.
I love America!
:)
See you SOOOON!
We had a mini baby shower at KT's house on Friday. Mom brought up this blog post from you. She explained the whole "America" thing to those who hadn't read it. She just loved that "Seeing as I'm in almost every promo for Fox, representing real Americans, I think it's fair to say that I speak for all Americans."
It is a weighty responsibility, but my shoulders are broad :)
So it seems between Grampa's attempts to annoy Gramma and Gramma's knowledge of manipulating men, they had a pretty good gig going. I think the men annoying their wife and receiving glee from that act is inherent in all of America. My Dad has been annoying my Mom for years ("Hey girls, watch this...") and Brian annoyed both Katie and me, consequently, any time he could. Isn't life in America beautiful?
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