A Shoulder

I love driving my daughter to school. It's a nice one-on-one time with her and we get to talk about things we wouldn't normally have the time to share with each other. One recent conversation revolved around being the role of "the shoulder to cry on."

So many of my daughter's friends rely on her for advice and help. I told her this is an honor. She must represent to them someone who does not waver, who speaks their mind and who will be honest with them.

Still, it leaves my daughter with an interesting conundrum. If your primary relationship with someone is as their unofficial therapist, their go-to shoulder to cry on, does that make you friends or just acquaintances?

I don't know if it's my acting training or just my personality, but I've always found other people's lives far more interesting than my own. I love asking questions and finding out about their lives. I shared with her that, because of this, especially in college, I too was the go-to shoulder to cry on. I can't tell you how many people came to me after a break up or major life event to share their feelings with me.

I didn't mind it for the most part. I LOVE helping people. It's one of the few times in life you feel like you're actually doing something worthwhile, something that matters. I felt extremely blessed that they would trust me when things were so bleak and it was nice to be able to offer some assistance, even if that meant just listening.

However, this conversation with my daughter did get me thinking... I realized that many of the relationships I have with people, from work to church and everywhere in between, is really based on me listening to their problems and that's about it.

Many of these people I consider friends. However, it occurred to me that if I didn't ask them about their problems, they probably wouldn't interact with me at all. So is that really friendship? Doesn't friendship require equal interest and equal interaction by both parties? Or maybe the majority of the relationship has revolved around the therapist/patient dynamic, but that doesn't mean true friendship isn't in there somewhere.

My daughter asked me what to do. I wasn't really sure.

I suggested she step back and see who steps forward. That doesn't mean she won't help when needed, but it may offer insight into how they view their relationship with her. If they only come to her when they need a problem to solve, then she'll know. If they come to her out of genuine interest in her, then she'll know.

After talking with her about it I realized I should probably do the same thing.

True and lasting friendship is a two-way street. It'd be nice to know which way the traffic is heading.