By Pete Bauer
JANE
Next?
DENNIS approaches the desk.
DENNIS
Hi, my name is Dennis. I'm here for a job interview?
JANE
You've come to the right place. Our company is growing leaps and bounds.
DENNIS
Company? You mean the government.
JANE
It's all the same now-a-days, isn't it? Government, company, unions, politicians... the lines are so blurry now, I've lost track. So, what job did you want to interview for?
DENNIS
Well...
(opens up paper)
...you listed quite a few here. Here's one I think that I could do very well. Treasurer. I have an extensive background in accounting. I actually ran my own successful accounting firm... that is before the economic downturn. I'm well versed in all of the various state tax requirements and-
JANE
(interrupts)
-Have you paid your taxes on time?
DENNIS
Yes!
JANE
Every year?
DENNIS
Of course!
JANE
Oh... well, that's too bad. We're really looking for someone that hasn't paid their taxes to manage the treasury.
DENNIS
I... I don't understand.
JANE
We're the government, sweet heart. We follow slightly different rules than the "little people."
DENNIS
I see...
JANE
Any other openings spark your fancy?
DENNIS
Um... yes! Well, I see here you are looking for someone to help define safe schools. Well, my mother was a principal for 40 years and I spent most of my college years helping her with-
JANE
(excited)
Ooo, that sounds good. Let me ask you a question! Let's say a student, 15 years old, comes to you and says that they're having intimate relations with an older man. What would you do?
DENNIS
Oh, that's simple! Such an act would be statutory rape. Therefore, I would counsel the student, while notifying the authorities, so the older man could be prosecuted for such a horrible crime with a child.
JANE
(disappointed)
Oh!
DENNIS
What?
JANE
You were so close! But, no, the right answer is to do nothing. Or, in certain cases, actually encourage the relationship.
DENNIS
But we're talking about rape.
JANE
"Rape." What is "rape" now-a-days?
DENNIS
Well... I think they've written laws about that.
JANE
"Laws." What are "laws" now-a-days?
DENNIS
Okay...
(scans paper)
... what about health czar?
JANE
Uh-huh...You're too healthy.
DENNIS
How about Chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee?
JANE
You paid your taxes.
DENNIS
Health and Human Services Secretary?
JANE
Taxes!
DENNIS
How about Green Jobs Czar?
JANE
Ooo, are you a capitalist?
DENNIS
Of course!
JANE
Too bad.
DENNIS
Well... is there anything available that you think I'm qualified for in the government?
JANE
Oh! It says right here you are currently a lobbyist.
DENNIS
That's right. I was afraid you'd ask me about that. I know the President stated he wouldn't hire lobbyists. He said it wasn't ethical.
JANE
"Ethics." What are "ethics" now-a-days!
(smiles)
So, when can you start?
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1 comment:
Sad, isn't it? Love ya, Ma
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