Microcinema Flashback - What I Want To Be When I Grow Up (2000)

In this flashback article from November of 2000, I delve into my own internal struggle of not reaching my own personal expectations, no matter how unrealistic they may have become.

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What I Want To Be When I Grow Up
by Pete Bauer

One of the most common challenges young filmmakers have to face is unrealistic expectations. Not of their abilities, but of the time frame of their success. As the elder statesman of this group (I'm assuming as I'm just over 30) I can tell you that when you think things should happen and when they will likely happen are two very different things. Take whatever time frame you have in your head for when you think you should be a success and multiply it by five.

Jason Santo's article "Well, I'm Kinda Doing What I Want..." was stunning to me because, only a few years ago I went through the same internal struggle... "am I selling out?" By who's definition are we defining "selling out?" The way Hollywood spews out its hype, if you're not a feature director by 21 you're over the hill. That's crap.

Not everyone can be a prodigy like Spielberg or Orson Welles. That's what makes them so special, because they are so far outside of the norm. The reality for every single person I know in show business that has had ANY sort of lasting success (i.e., working regularly) is that they have dedicated 10 years of hard work to becoming an "overnight sensation."

That's the average. And that's working at it everyday.

Probably the most important thing I've learned about people so far is that they do what they want to do. Never pay attention to what people say, only to what they do. If people want to lose weight, they do. If they want to change careers, they do. If they want to get out of a relationship, they do. It's about priorities and pain. When something becomes painful enough, you change, whether it's a career, a relationship, eating habits, etc.

So, if you really want to be a major film director then move to Hollywood, learn how to kiss people's asses and work your way up the food chain. Start as a runner (getting coffee, running errands) on any studio shoot and go from there. I've been a runner before and I've met people who think they're too good to be a runner. But, to quote a friend of mine who's a VP at Nickelodeon Studios, "If you can't run errands right, what makes you think someone is going to let you do anything else?" EVERY person I've met who works behind the camera, including the VP, started out as a runner, so don't expect the rules to be different for you.

For me, it took me a LONG time to realize that what I was saying to people was one thing, but what I was doing was something else. I kept saying I was going to move to California and start my way up, but the reality was that I was doing the exact opposite. It took me quite some time to realize that my wife and, at that time, newborn daughter were more important to me and the reason I wasn't moving. I realized that it was more painful to me to move my wife and kid across the country just so I could be a runner than it was to stay put for a little while and just focus on writing. I realized that raising my child (and now children) in a safe area with family nearby was more important than trying to reach some unrealistic time frame of success.

So, I refocused my energies and decided to write as much as possible. Recently, I've decided to add shooting no-budget flicks to my creative plate. I've finally realized how the realities of my life are going to fit into my life-long goal of being a filmmaker.

Whatever you really want to do, you'll do. Just recognize it and accept it, then go from there. This isn't a sprint, but a marathon. It's not important how long it takes to reach your goals, only what you're doing while you get there.

All of you making shorts and features with your friends right now will become much better story tellers when your opportunity arrives. If you keep plugging away you WILL get your opportunity, so be as prepared as you possibly can. Shoot as many projects as you can. Become a better writer, director, actor... whatever you want to do. Do it as often as you can. Like anything else, you'll get better the more you do it.

I spent years focusing only on writing. I've had a modicum of success at that and I keep working at it. Now I'm also focusing on directing and creating as many no-budget projects as my time and resources will allow. If you're truly passionate about telling stories, then you're in it for the long haul. Just keep focused on the goal and you'll reach it...