League Rules

I opened a bottle of cola today and it reminded me of a true moment of absurdity...

One hot, humid, sweltering day, as I entered Raymond James to attend a Bucs game, I am handed a plastic Buc license plate as a memento of the game. I walk up to the nose bleed area, where my seats are located and am sweating like a pig, using the license plate as a fan.

Before going to my seat located just two rows away from Lutz, I go to the concession stand and buy a vastly overpriced bottle of water. The attendant removes the cap and hands me the bottle. As I am about to walk up about two thousand flights of stairs to get to my seat and since I just paid a million dollars for the water, every spilled drop is worth about... well, a lot... so I asked for the cap.

"We're not allowed. League rules," the attendant said.

"The NFL has rules about water bottle caps?" I asked.

"Yeah. They're afraid they'll be used as projectiles," the attendant continued.

I hold up the full bottle of water... "as opposed to this?"

"Uhhh..." the attendant stammered.

I hold up the hard plastic license plate... "or this?"

"Sorry. League rules" he insisted.

"What if I bring a bottle cap from home?"

"Uhhh... I don't know."

We just stared at each other, the sweat from the bottled water dripping on my hand, evaporation now having cost me the price of a Hummer...

"So, can I have the bottle cap?"

"Sorry, league rules."