We arrived at the hospital in Miami and I was checked in, ready to get my laparoscopic intestinal surgery. It would normally take me about 12 months to recover from the normal intestinal surgery. A laparoscopic surgery only takes a few weeks and you're back to 100%.
We were very excited.
I awoke from the surgery to feel my stomach as if it were on fire. The nurse gave me a manual morphine clicker, which allows the patient to self-dispense morphine to themselves, per the patients needs... up to a point. Every day they lessen the total amount of morphine you can receive and never allow you to put yourself into danger.
When she handed me the clicker she said "Mr. Bauer, I'm handing you your self-release morphine button." My stomach felt as if it was being sawed in half… it was the most intense pain I had ever felt… so I began clicking away... a million clicks a second. Looks like all of those years of video game playing had finally come in handy!
Over the non-stop flurry of "clicks" the nurse said "Mr. Bauer, its not hooked up yet." No matter. The anesthesia was still flowing through my system, so I slipped back into unconsciousness.
I awoke in my hospital room, my wife with me. The doctors explained that they started the surgery laparoscopically, but due to the amount of damage, they had to perform the surgery the old fashioned way. Bonus! Not only did I get a new big scar on my stomach, but additional laparoscopic scars as well! Yeah! Oh Happy Day!
I told my wife that I know that I had a six-pack stomach when we got married, but after two surgeries, the best I can offer her was a 2-liter.
I was pretty groggy for the first couple of days, fading in and out, riding the morphine wave. Apparently, my brother John visited me once. He asked how I was doing. I awoke to tell him I thought I was going to throw up. He then asked where my wife was? I told him she was staying at the Green Mile Hotel.
He still gets a kick out of that story.
Soon after my recovery in the hospital started, my patience for staying there was growing thin. I just wanted to go home and I would do just about anything to get out of there.
To be continued…
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