When it comes to love, I’m stone cold stupid. Unless a woman comes up and kisses me on the lips, I wouldn’t have any idea if she has any feelings for me what-so-ever. Probably even then I wouldn’t be very sure.
To put it simply, subtlety does NOT work on me.
I’ll give you an example. When my wife and I were dating we took a walk in Philippe Park in Safety Harbor, Florida. She told me that an old boyfriend was coming into town. They were just friends, but she didn’t want to see him and was looking for a way out. In order to fend him off she looked at me and said “Well, I could tell him that I’ve fallen in love with someone else.”
Not too subtle, right? My response?
“Why would you want to tell him that!”
I’m telling you, I’m a complete relationship moron!
So, in 1988, when Sunday and I had an almost romantic moment of temptation while looking at the stars in Tucumcari, New Mexico, I wasn’t sure if anything really happened or not.
I devised a very stealthy plan… I’ll act like nothing happened! If something did happen, she’ll act different. If something didn’t happen, she won’t. Okay, so the plan was not so much stealthy as drawn up on an elementary school playground among kids giving wedgies and getting nailed in the face with a dodge ball.
To make sure there wouldn’t be any further awkward moments that night I decided to wait a while, hoping everyone was asleep before I returned to the tent.
I remained on the picnic table until the temperature dropped to uncomfortable levels. When I zipped open the tent, I found everyone peacefully asleep.
Phew!
As I slipped under the covers, I closed my eyes and tried to go to sleep. A few moments later, though, I found my head feeling hot. I leaned forward and realized that my design for the sleeping arraignments had one major flaw… my side of the tent was on an incline and my feet were higher than my head.
I couldn’t face the other way because Sunday and I were sharing the sleeping bag and blankets and what would it say if she awoke in the morning with my stinky feet right next to her face? No matter if something did or did not almost not happen on the picnic table, waking up with your nostrils inches away from someone else’s smelly feet would offend anyone.
I tried propping my pillow to get my head level with my feet, but the blood kept rushing to my face. After a few more attempts, I resigned myself to sleeping backwards on an incline. It was my design that put me in this position. I needed to pay the price for my own stupidity.
About a half hour later, I awoke feeling very unwell. Apparently, the price I was about to pay was going to be a doozey.
********
Goin' Out To Cally - Part 18, (Text, Audio) Unlevel HeadedGoin' Out To Cally - Part 17, (Text, Audio) Starry Night, Confusing Night
Goin' Out To Cally - Part 16, (Text, Audio) Three Beds + Four People = Oh Crap
Goin' Out To Cally - Part 15, (Text, Audio) Masculinity At Stake
Goin' Out To Cally - Part 14, (Text, Audio) Texas: Latin For Shoot Me Now
Goin' Out To Cally - Part 13, (Text, Audio) Cars, Crossroads and Cosmic Convergence
Goin' Out To Cally - Part 12, (Text, Audio) Tumbleweed Dreams
Goin' Out To Cally - Part 11, (Text, Audio) Wet, Rinse, Repeat
Goin' Out To Cally - Part 10, (Text, Audio) Divine Misdirection
Goin' Out To Cally - Part 09, (Text, Audio) Getting Nowhere Fast
Goin' Out To Cally - Part 08, (Text, Audio) The Cock Crows Nine
Goin' Out To Cally - Part 07, (Text, Audio) Is Jackass A Sign?
Goin' Out To Cally - Part 06, (Text, Audio) Leftovers
Goin' Out To Cally - Part 05, (Text, Audio) The Kiss Of Friendship
Goin' Out To Cally - Part 04, (Text, Audio) Scholastic Intimacy
Goin' Out To Cally - Part 03, (Text, Audio) Space Invaders
Goin' Out To Cally - Part 02, (Text, Audio) The Fourth Wheel
Goin' Out To Cally - Part 01, (Text, Audio) The Seed Planted
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment