Goin' Out To Cally – Part 34, The Quick Route To Self Doubt

“Comfortable?” I said looking at Sunday in her partially revealing nightwear, my voice inadvertently cracking as if I was suddenly thrust back into puberty.

“Very,” she said as a statement of fact as she walked passed me, wearing her form fitting olive green silk nightie, and over to her bed on the couch.

As Sunday gently slithered under the covers I tried not to look, yet was drawn to look, yet tried again not to look, but ended up looking as much as I could without being caught looking at her as much as I could, that is until the blanket had completely covered her scantily clad body.

I had never noticed what a shapely body Sunday actually had before that moment. Her normal choice of clothes usually covered her in various layers. With nothing more than finely woven silk between her and her birthday suit, well, like any other male in his early twenties my interest was piqued.

My baser instinctual fascination with her was immediately stymied, however, by her very next sentence.

“I just got off the phone with David. He says ‘hi’” she said.

With that I was immediately voted off Fantasy Island and thrust back into the harsh light of reality. I shook my head. What was I thinking? Dave is a very good friend of mine. Sunday is his girlfriend. “Get your head straight,” I said condescendingly to myself.

A moment later I thought… “But, boy, she’s hot.”

“Stop that!” I yelled to myself.

And thus my internal struggle began; evil vs. good, dark vs. light, Vader vs. Skywalker.

Over the past day or so, this playing with my mind and my pathetically uncontrollable hormones had increasingly become the standard series of events when it came to Sunday and me. She would flirt, I would get confused, she would bring up David and I would feel guilty for misreading her intent… all of which greatly elevated my utter confusion and insecurity when it came to Sunday, specifically, and women, in general.

“How’s he doing?” I asked, trying to play along, attempting to feel out her intentions.

“We miss each other,” she sighed.

Well, that put the nail in the flirtation coffin.

“That’s sweet,” I chimed in with as much false sincerity as I could muster.

“Yeah. Well, good night,” she followed and turned out the light.

I lay on the floor, my head swimming in various levels of self doubt and internal frustration. Granted, I never started out having any intention of interfering with David and Sunday’s relationship, but now my primal emotions were getting kicked in the balls and I wasn’t wearing a cup. I needed to figure out a way to protect myself. Various thoughts collided with each other as they raced through my mind…

“Is she attractive? Yes.”

“Am I attracted to her? Yes and no.”

“Is she attracted to me? If I knew that I wouldn’t be talking to myself.”

“What should I do? Fall back to Plan A… Roll over like a toddler, pull your blanket over your head, close your eyes and act like nothing happened.”

“Has that worked for me before? Nope.”

“Should I talk to her about it? And risk the embarrassment that would follow if I was wrong? No way!”

“What other options do I have? None. Back to Plan A.”

“Will I get a good night sleep tonight? Not if you keep obsessing about this… Think of something else,” I pleaded with myself

My mind floundered at picking another subject more important that my decreasing self worth and evaporating dignity.

My eyes bolted open. “Lunch!” I exclaimed to myself.

I suddenly remembered that tomorrow I had lunch with my fellow University of Florida graduate who was a working Producer in Hollywood! My internal machinations over my self worth would have to wait until later. I had my immediate future to think about.

With that my mind suddenly cleared. However, my agitation with Sunday quickly migrated into anticipation about my impending meeting with the Producer. This left me struggling with a fitful sleep at the end of the sixth day of our trip to Cally.

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Part 34, (Text, Audio)
Part 33, (Text, Audio) - Part 32, (Text, Audio) - Part 31, (Text, Audio)
Part 30, (Text, Audio) - Part 29, (Text, Audio) - Part 28, (Text, Audio)
Part 27, (Text, Audio) - Part 26, (Text, Audio) - Part 25, (Text, Audio)
Part 24, (Text, Audio) - Part 23, (Text, Audio) - Part 22, (Text, Audio)
Part 21, (Text, Audio) - Part 20, (Text, Audio) - Part 19, (Text, Audio)
Part 18, (Text, Audio) - Part 17, (Text, Audio) - Part 16, (Text, Audio)
Part 15, (Text, Audio) - Part 14, (Text, Audio) - Part 13, (Text, Audio)
Part 12 (Text, Audio) - Part 11 (Text, Audio) - Part 10 (Text, Audio)
Part 09, (Text, Audio) - Part 08, (Text, Audio) - Part 07 (Text, Audio)
Part 06 (Text, Audio) - Part 05 (Text, Audio) - Part 04 (Text, Audio)
Part 03 (Text, Audio) - Part 02 (Text, Audio) - Part 01 (Text, Audio)