Pete's Game Of Life Circa 1995

When people first meet my family, most are taken aback by our sense of humor. We all joke around a lot and the basic rule of thumb for us is that we appreciate the quality of the insult more than the joke itself. The quality of the insult, such as the way the joke or comment is structured or how much thought and cleverness is put into the phrase is most valued. And, in the end, potentially the more painfully truthful and/or sometimes inappropriate, the more effective the joke may be. We are never offended by the joke itself, instead we just appreciated the work taken in creating it.

Pete, Charles, Steve and John as
See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil and Smell No Evil

This is best shown in the way my brothers handled my 30th birthday. For most people, their 30th birthday is a big celebration and a lot of fun. For me, my 30th occured during a tough time, personally. I was recovering from intestinal surgery, I was unemployed and I was living with my in-laws... not a proud moment, to be sure.

So, in line with our sense of humor, my brothers made a board game called "Pete's Game Of Life"... the game contained a couple of "players", a game board with a path to take, a spinning wheel, a single die and cards that you would use if you landed on certain spots on the game board.

• Each side of the die was whited out, with the exception of the One. So, the most you can roll is a One.
• When you spun the wheel you could land on two sections. One section, which covered 99% of the wheel, was labelled BANKRUPT. The second section, which contained 1% of the wheel, was labelled YOU'RE A WINNER, in which you had to pick a card.
  
• When you picked up one of the cards, about 80% were I.O.U.'s. Other cards that you could select were "Go Borrow Something From Your Family," "You Get To Live With Your In-Laws," and "Sorry, We Already Have Someone In Mind For That Position."

I believe most people would find such a gift at that time in my life offensive, but I found it very funny. It's a perfect symbol of our sense of humor... after all, no matter how truthful and brutal "Pete's Game Of Life" was, it was very clever, inventive and took a lot of work. Surprisingly, it is one of the only things that I look back on during that year of my life with fondness.

Yeah, I know... we're weird. But funny.

Collage O' Memories

Ever since 1977, I've saved almost every sports or concert ticket for events I've attended. For years my wife was wondering why in the world would I keep such things. Well, this year I finally put them all to use. We were repainting my son's room and so I made a collage of all of the sports tickets, autographs and some pictures, glued them and hung the collage on the wall.



It's pretty cool. It has Buc tickets from 1977 through last year, Bandit season tickets of the defunct USFL, Orlando Magic games, Lightning Playoff tickets, the 1979 KC/Buc game that secured their first playoff appearance, Devil Ray tickets, a ticket from the St. Pete Pelicans of the defunct Senior Baseball League and much more. It's fun to browse through and see what you may find. There's games against Joe Montana and Jerry Rice, Brett Favre, Jim Kelly and numerous other present and future hall of famers. It's a nice trip down memory lane.

It hangs next to Gabe's bed and every once and a while I walk in and see him just looking at it.

That alone makes the effort to save all of those tickets worth it.

Film Geek Genome

My daughter, DC, and I are a lot alike. We have the same sense of humor, we both love to write, act and have a passion for movies. And nothing makes me happier.

This is best exemplified in the following examples. I'm a Hitchcock nut so my daughter and I watch his films together then review certain scenes to find out how they were shot and why they were effective. We once watched THE BIRDS and after it was over, DC immediately and excitedly said "Okay, explain a really cool shot to me!"

So we re-examined the scene where the crows fly behind Tippi Hedren and land on the jungle gym at the school. What is so great about that scene is, shot by shot, Hitchcock knows exactly what the audience wants and either gives it to them or denies them, depending on what is more suspenseful.

For example, when, unbeknownst to Hedren, the first few birds land behind her, Hitch then shoots only Hedren smoking and doesn't show you the jungle gym anymore. And, as the audience, as you're watching Hedren, you're wondering about the crows on the gym, but he won't show it to you to heighten the suspense. Then he teases you back and forth, showing the gym with more birds, then Hedren for a long period of time, then the gym with a few more birds, then Hedren, giving you a idea how quickly the birds are arriving behind her.

Then, it all ends with Hedren finally spotting a single crow, worried, following it with her eyes. This is slightly humorous because Hedren is so tense about a single crow, not realizing what we know as the audience, that there are a bunch more behind her. And we then follow this single crow to the playground only to find EVERYTHING is covered by crows, the gym, the building, the fence, everything.

Hitch sets an expectation on how quickly the birds are arriving only to climax the scene by throwing that out and bringing it way over the top.

When the single crow is in the air, the audience thinks they know information that Hedren does not (how many crows are behind her) and that makes us feel good, empowered. But, Hitch throws us a curve and when we discover the entire landscape is covered with crows, we and Hedren are saying "oh sh*t" to ourselves. We are thrust back into Hedren's shoes, being as disarmed and helpless as she is.

Great stuff.

So, last week I was explaining how symbolism can be used in films. I used the example in CITIZEN KANE where young Kane is outside playing in the snow. His parents, recently finding gold on their land, discuss the child's future in the house while we see young Kane through the window. The window is open when the scene begins, then when the parents decide to remove his voice from the discussion, they close the window, locking him in this box framed by the window, now closed, keeping his voice silent.

When they discuss that the child, upon his 21st birthday, will be entitled to money and decision making, they reopen the window, thereby giving the young Kane a voice in his life again. DC was enthralled by this.

She asked me to rent Citizen Kane on Netflix. When I told her it had arrived she jumped up and said "Yesss! Can I watch it tomorrow after school!?!?!"

I never would have imagined that my daughter would be so excited about watching a black and white film classic because she wants to study symbolism... and she's 12.

Amazing.

It just goes to show you that not only height, skin complexion and eye color can be passed down from parent to child. In the case of me and my daughter, the part of our DNA that holds our love of film has been inherited as well.

Predictor Pete - Week Six

Bad offensive mistakes and turnovers finally cost the Bucs a game, dropping to 4-1 after losing to the hapless Jets.

This week the Bucs take on the suprising Dolphins. Even though the Dolphins current record is only 2-2, they have played very well under first year coach Nick Saban. They have a solid defense and running game and their journeyman quarterback, Gus Ferrotte, is playing much better than anticipated.

Cadillac Williams may be available for this home game versus the Dolphins, which could help an increasingly shakey quarterback play by Brian Griese. Griese held a closed door players only meeting to apologize for his erratic play of late in an attempt to lead the team in the accountability department. Hopefully that will translate to a better performance on the field.

The Dolphins are hungry after losing a close game in Buffalo and the Bucs are licking their wounds from the Jets fiasco, so both teams should be hungry.

My Heart: Bucs 20-17.
My Mind: Dolphins 17-10.
My Colon: Dolphins 21-16.

My Pick: Dolphins 14-12...

The Bucs are 4-1, but they are not a very good team. They have a great defense, but three years into the Gruden experiment, the offense is still a question mark. When you look at other teams like the 5-0 Colts or 4-1 Bengals or the 3-2 Falcons, the Bucs do not match up well. They have the potential, but not enough talent to make mistakes (penalities and turnovers) during a game and expect to win.

I don't like picking against my Buccos, but unless Griese improves dramatically, I see his inconsitency costing us against an opportunistic Dolphins team. I don't think Griese is the long term fix for the Bucs QB position and if Simms isn't that solution either, then the Bucs are in for a long couple of years... and if that's the case then Gruden will probably not be the coach when they finally get the QB position fixed.

My Record: 4 - 1.

Wheel O' Opportunity

One of the things that I miss from my "youth" is the feeling that anything is possible, that the world is conquerable. As we get older and reality and responsibilities take their rightful place in our priority list, conquering the world seems far less important than just conquering the day that lies ahead of you.

But, that feeling that the world was full of a million opportunities just waiting for you to decide which path you were going to take... it was invigorating and exciting.

The challenge for me now, with a family and the need for health insurance and a steady income, is to find those intriguing opportunities in the limited scope of risk that I'm willing to take. I'm not willing to choose a path that will put my family, health insurance or income in jeopardy. But, we need to fight the possibility of life becoming stagnate.

The reality is that I'm still young and I still have a couple of hundred thousand opportunities in front of me and its my job, through prayer and discussion with my family to determine which opportunities, which challenges I'm willing to take on in an effort to improve myself and improve our lives.

Grumpy McPoopy

I've been very grumpy lately. I feel tired, burned out and mentally wiped. Work has been very busy, but not for the right reasons. I don't mind working hard, but we're not working smart, which means a lot of our effort is wasted on inefficient processes. I'm making changes in areas that I can control, but so much of what lands on my plate at work is from departments I don't control.

At home, the home theater room is almost done, but the house has been in a state of dishevlement for three months now and we're all kinda over it. There's no room in the house that is relaxing, so there's no respite there.

I really want to be doing something creative, writing a script, shooting a movie, running a studio... anything other than what I'm doing, but I haven't had time do pursue that either.

I haven't slept well in months... probably due to all of the above. Overall, I'm just grumpy all the time. I don't like it, but I'm stuck here for the time being.

Bah... Humbug.

Male Bonding

For a long time my wife tried to get me more male friends. She thought that having only one best friend wasn't enough for me. What my wife didn't understand is that men don't need more than one best friend... as a matter of fact, having more than one takes too much effort.

As we all know, men and women are wired differently. Women talk through their issues, men only talk about their issues when they've run out of ways to solve them. Women enjoy each others company through conversation. Men don't like to just sit and talk. Men like to do things together... watch sport, movies, whatever. Sure, they'll talk during these events, but men don't bond through conversation, only through through shared experiences and similar interests.

I've had one best friend for the last 25 years... Tim. Tim and I have been friends since high school. We've lived together for a short time in college. I'm either the godfather or de facto godfather of all three of his children. We've endured a torturous drive to and from California. We share a love of football and movies. We've made movies since high school and he's been in every one of my Local Talent productions. We've shared Tampa Bay Bandit season tickets, attended Devil Ray, Buc and Lightning games. And every Monday night he comes over to watch football.

And that's the way male friendships are grown, through shared experiences and similiar interests.

My wife has tried and failed to bring other male friends into my life. But for the past 25 years, Tim has been there for me and me for him... and that's all we need.

Monday Morning QB - 10/9

The Bucs finally fall, this time to the pathetic Jets, 14-12 in the Meadowlands... a place where they have never won. Cadillac Williams was held out of the game due to injury and the passing game continued giving up points... as predicted in previous posts, it finally cost them a game

After two ugly wins, we get an ugly loss.

My prediction: Bucs 20, Jets 6

Score: Jets 14, Bucs 12

Today, Griese was outplayed by a 41 year old retired quarterback. That about puts this game into focus. Griese's first interception cost the Bucs 7 points and eventually the game. Over the last two games, 20 out of 27 points were off of Griese turnovers... he's the best weapon our opponents have. He's the worst QB on 4-1 team. He'll cost us another four games before the season is out.

Offense: F. Another interception leads to an opponents score. No running game. Four field goals. Multiple sacks. Pathetic.

Defense: D. The Bucs dominate time of possession in the first half and are leading 9-7. The defense, well rested, lets the 41 year old retired QB drive the Jets down the field for opening score of the second half, costing them the game. All day they couldn't get pressure on this immobile, old QB and allowed multiple 3rd down conversions in the second half. No excuses for that. They got whipped by a bad team.

Special Teams: B+. Hit all four field goals. Punting was great.

Coaching: C-. No running game. No pressure on an immobile QB. No fire in the belly of the team.

Outstanding Players: Matt Bryant, the place kicker.

Things That Drove Me Nuts: Griese again gives points away and can't get into the end zone. The defense couldn't stop anything on 3rd down in the second half. Michael Pittman is incapable of gaining yards after first contact.

Bucs Record: 4-1. If they don't get better, the Bucs could still reach that 8-8 record. The teams they face in the future are only going to get better. If Griese offers up one more turnover that costs the Bucs points, I'd bench him... I don't care what the record is.

Next Opponent: The Bucs take on a quality Dolphins team at home. If Cadillac doesn't return, the Bucs could go into the bye week 4-2.

Our Eternal Payday

I had to go to Mass at 7:00 a.m. with Gabe this morning because I have to work today. This weeks homily was our annual parish financial review, which was not very spiritually interesting. A few weekends ago, however, the Gospel was a one of my favorite parables... its the one about the man who, in the morning, hires workers at an agreed upon daily rate, to work in the field. At midday the man hires more workers. Near the end of the work day, he hires more workers.

When the work is done, the man pays every worker equally... they all get the same amount. When the workers from the morning complain, the man tells them they understood and received the agreed upon wage and they should not complain. It was up to the man's discretion as to what each would get paid.

It's such a great example of God's mercy... no matter how late we show up to the field, the pay is the same, the reward is equal. Like children, our human qualities inherently want the world to be "fair" but, to God, "fair" doesn't mean fair to us, but fair to Him. And what is more fair than anyone who seeks Him gets Him... anyone who truly searches for redemption and salvation gets it, no matter how late in the "work day" we try?

That is supremely and divinely fair. And completely opposite of how humans would define fair. Even understanding that, there is a part of me who kinda sides with those morning workers are coming from.

The bible says God's ways are not our ways and the more I understand my faith the more I realize just how far away I am from where I need to be. The goals set by the Almighty are so lofty (no pun intended) that I wonder if I will ever get close to reaching them.

I guess the thing I have to remember is that we never know when our work day will end, so we better get into the fields as soon as possible. The last thing you'd want is to show up to the fields when the work is done.

Happy 43rd Chuckles

Happy 43rd birthday to my brother Charles. The seventh of eight kids, he now has 11 of his own. A great father and husband and someone who lives his faith daily... have a great day, Chuckles!

Working Weekends

It's been a long time since I've had a weekend off. Most of it is my own doing. I've been converting my office into a home theater and we're nearing the end of the process, but every weekend for the past three months has been full of work to do. This weekend we're putting polyurethane on the wood and finishing up all of the finer projects in anticipation of getting carpet installed.

Plus, I have to work this and next Sunday. That's the bad thing about working in an I.T. department, they only want to do major projects when everyone else is off work (weekends, holiday). Unfortunately, I never get those lost days back.

Anyway, back to the grind.

Create-O-Word

I just got off the phone with my brother Charles and we came up with a new word.

Blogomy - people who have more than one Blog.

Coming soon to a dictionary near you :)

Predictor Pete - Week Five

The Bucs had another ugly win last week against the Lions. All of the Lions point came off of turnovers and their last game-winning points were stripped off the scoreboard by a reversed call at the end of the game. The Lions are not that good of a team and we will not win games if we continue to play like we have against the Packers and Lions.

Fortunately, this week the Bucs face the Jets, who have lost their starting and backup quarterbacks to injury. They tried their 3rd string QB last week, to unimpressive results, so they've brought former Buc Vinny Testaverde out of retirement to lead the Jets this week. Vinny, who is the same age as Coach Gruden, was watching games from home two weeks ago, will take on his old Buccos this week.

The injury bug is starting to mount against the Bucs. Cadillac is injured, Clayton is injured, Anthony Davis is injured, Jermaine Phillips is injured...

The Jets are in a funk and, though they have a solid defense and a quality running game, the Bucs should win this game if they keep the turnovers to a minimum and convert third downs.

My Heart: Bucs 21-3.
My Mind: Bucs 24-10.
My Colon: Jets 10-9.

My Pick: Bucs 20-6...

Again, on paper, the Bucs should win. The Jets QB situation is in serious trouble which should make their offense one dimensional. So far this season the Bucs have face pretty bad teams and I think the Jets fall into that category at this point of the football year.

In the end, if we play down to the opposition, like we did to the Lions, we could lose. If we play up to our abilities, we should win.

My Record: 4 - 0.

Lunch... How About 2025?

The older I get the more strange it appears to me that so much of my expectations of life were created through ignorance in my youth. I set these unrealistic expected levels of accomplishment at a time when I had neither the experience nor understanding to make such goals... but I live the rest of my life bemoaning the fact as to whether I've lived up to them or not.

Since we change so much in our childhood, every year is monumental. There's a huge difference between eight and 10. When I'm 13 I can see PG-13 movies. When I'm 15 I can get a drivers permit. When I'm 16 I can drive by myself. When I'm 17 I can see R rated movies. When I'm 18 I can vote. When I'm 19 I'm in college. When I'm 21 I can drink and I graduate college. When I'm 22 I'll have a real job. When I'm 25 I'll get married. When I'm 30 I'll have kids... each of these steps, each of these years offer HUGE changes in our lives.

But then, the accomplishments just kinda stop. Once you have kids, it all changes. Life becomes pretty stagnate for you on a personal level. You go to the same basic job everyday, see the same people... you don't really go anywhere or do anything for yourself... only for the kids... baseball games, soccer practice, piano lessons, recitals, etc. Maybe a vacation thrown in there here and then.

It's so odd because I've found my wife and I just blocking off 10 years of our lives without a second thought. Before, every year meant something grand and different. The possibilities were endless. Now, it's like "when the kids graduate high school we can..."

When the kids graduate high school? That'll be almost 10 years from now. We've just wiped a decade out of our lives... put everything basically on hold for 10 years! And that's assuming all goes well, that our kids move out and attend college, don't move back home, get jobs, get married and have their own kids. If any one of those steps goes awry, you can add another five to 10 years to our estimate.

So, 20 years from now, Dea and I have MAJOR plans for ourselves. Until then, we'll pretty much do the same thing everyday.

Wow, that sounds depressing...

The Formative Years

Yesterday I received an email from an old college buddy, Chris. He and I became friends in the theater department at the University of Florida. He played my father in the departments theater production of The Tempest and we both had a passion for films. When I left acting to work in TV, Chris was the one who got me my gig at Nickelodeon, which was some of the most satisfying jobs I've ever held.

Over the years, Chris and I have led parallel corporate lives, him in television, me in manufacturing. We've both been very competent employees and able to utilize our theater training to assist us in the "real" world... and this has led to consistent promotions and greater responsibility. Our passions are still with filmmaking, but as we've gotten older, our lives have gotten more complex and our time more precious. Because of this, we will find that months have passed without communicating, but we have the type of friendship that when we talk to each other, it is if no time has passed.

Chris is part of that group of friends that are part of my formative years.... there is a time in all of our lives where we define ourselves as people, where we leave our ignorant plans and parental hopes behind and become who we will be for the rest of our lives. For me, that was my theater experience in the University of Florida. There was a small group of us who came into our own in that department, grew together, succeeded together, became adults together, graduated together.

For some, their formative years are in high school, for some its in a frat or sorority, for some it was their highschool or college sports team and for others its in their first real job. It always surprises me how those connections made during our formative years are retained for so long, almost indestructable. Seventeen years have passed since all of the 1988 UF theater grads were all together and, yet, I would like nothing more to attend a reunion of sorts with those old college buds.

Whenever I get a chance to take a detour down memory lane of my formative years... well, I welcome the journey.

My Take On Judgement Day

I have a personal theory on our hour of judgement... when we face God to determine our eternal fate.

I believe we get one hour in front of God and we are treated as we have treated Him during church.

So, you're standing in the front of the church and you're on the clock. You start stating your case. God, however, waking up late and struggling to convince Himself he needs to attend your judgement, gets there late. Plus, parking was a pain, so He had to walk a long way and He walked slowly because He didn't really want to get up this early anyway.

Even though you've been doing your best to convince Him of your worthiness of eternal spendor in Heaven, God finally sneaks into the back of the church, upset that the person on the end of the pew won't scoot in, forcing Him to squeeze passed everyone and sit in the middle.

He fidgets and sighs as He finally settles in, flipping through your book of accomplishments, scanning, but really thinking about the ball game that He's missing so He can sit here and listen to your story. You're now up to your teen years, where things start to go south, morally speaking. God perks up. This is starting to get interesting. He quickly bores, however, and tries to hide a long yawn behind His hands.

As you prattle on about your return to the church and your acts of Christianity, God's thoughts start to wander again, thinking about creation and what He could have done better on the sixth day. Platypuses... what was I thinking? He glances at His watch... is this person STILL talking? Another sigh escapes His mouth. This hour seems like eternity!

You're finally at the point of your life where you have become the best you can be, the apex of your Christian existence. God, however, decides to leave early. Afterall, he had to park on the otherside of the parking lot and you know how bad the parking lot is after church, everyone fighting to get out and cutting each other off. It can get ugly out there! Plus, if He hurries, He can make it home in time to still catch the majority of the ball game.

He'll do better next time. He really wants to care, but there are SO many things to do... it's not that He doesn't WANT to spend an hour with you, it's just that Sunday mornings are so inconvenient.

He'll try harder next time. Maybe go to a different mass, earlier... no later.... yeah, after next week's game is over... unless there's a doubleheader.

Ah! He'll figure it out next week.

But your time is over. You finish your presentation to an empty church wondering how much more effort it would have taken to get to church every week, to pay attention for one hour out of every 168. You wonder how many minutes did you save leaving church early all of those years? And, for the eternal life of you, you can't remember what did you do with those minutes anyway?

Boy, you sure wish you had those minutes back now... unfortunately, it's too late.

Gabe, Lou and Toby Hall

My son, Gabriel, is a baseball nut, so it was no surprise that he wanted to celebrate his birthday at a Devil Rays game. Unfortunately, his birthday is about three weeks after the end of the regular season, so the best we could do was to schedule it during the the last home game of the season.

With 11 kids in tow, we headed down to Tropicana Field to enjoy some cake, see the Orioles vs. the Rays and see Lou Pinella's last game as our manager. The Rays, under owner Vince Naimoli's reign, are insanely bad when it comes to fan treatment. There have been times where four fans, who painted the letters R-A-Y-S on their bodies, were told that being shirtless was against the rules and would have to put on a shirt or leave the stadium. Or the fans who taped up a THANKS LOU banner, which was pulled down because of rules. Or the Rays trying to charge each member of a marching band the price of admission before they were allowed to go in and perform. They are a cheap, minor league organizations in a major league game. But, my son didn't know about all that and shouldn't... he's a kid. And he loves the Rays. So, we organized a party at the stadium.

When things turned ugly at the DRays game for my son's birthday, it was no surprise to me. After all, the DRays are pathetic at this stuff. However, a lot of money went out of our pockets for this birthday party and my wife was not happy... let's say she was explosively very unhappy. In the birthday area, there were not Rays people to greet or direct any of the birthday parties. There was no mascot. There were over 5 parties going on, with over a hundred people, and not enough chairs or seats for everyone. By the time the cakes got there, there was no time for the kids to get autographs from the players. Not that it's hard to for the DRays to succeed at throwing a simple birthday party... it only takes planning and caring, but the reality is that they simply don't care. You can't be that bad at customer service without actively not giving a crap.

My best friend Tim, who worked for a few years for the cheapskate Rays, went over to the only Ray representative that eventually showed up and talked with her. He asked if she was in charge, she said no. He said to get someone who makes decisions. Another woman returned and Tim explained our displeasure. She asked what she could do for him. Tim made a point to say that it wasn't about him, it was about the kids in that birthday party and they had to do something to make that special. The woman left and eventually came back. She offered to allow the kids to go onto the field during the national anthem, each standing next to a player.

Each kid next to a major league player on the field of play... that would be way cool for the kids and make us feel like this entire fiasco could be worth it. The kids were ecstatic.

Dea headed down to the field with the kids for the national anthem. The rest of us went to our seats two rows up in right field. Below are some pics Dea took on the field...

Billy, Hunter, Jonathan, Lonny, Gabe, Raymond, Conner and Thomas

Gabe and crew on the field, waiting for the national anthem.

Raymond, the Rays mascot.

This shows just how close Dea was to the
dugout before the game started.

The money shot. Lou Pinella's last game with the Rays.
He brought the line-up card to the umps and received
a standing ovation on his return to the dugout.
Dea shot this pic... it couldn't have been better.

Gabe heading out for the national anthem
to home plate... after all, he's the birthday boy!

Gabe standing at home plate with the umps and
Rays catcher Toby Hall. Toby shook his
hand after the anthem and talked to him
a bit. Gabe asked him to hit a home run. He didn't,
but this moment made everything great.

We eventually settled into our seats. The Rays ended up losing, 6-2, but we all had a great time...

Everyone in the stands during the game.

Tim, Pete and Charles... kinda.

Gabe in his seat. It is yellow with a plague that shows
this was the seat where Wade Boggs' 3000th hit,
a home run, had landed.

Dea and Trish with some much needed libations.

Pete and Charles watch the Bucs game on a
handheld TV during the DRays game.

Charles Leo Bauer, Jr. and Charles Leo Bauer, III.

After the game, all of the kids in the stands got to run the bases. So, we patiently waited in line for our turn...

Dea and Pete waiting patiently.

DC, who's not a baseball fan, did her best to keep herself
interested during the game. Afterwards she said,
"it was getting pretty drastic. We (she and other girls there)
were so bored we played with our hair for entertainment.

Gabe and his Dad.

We eventually got home around 6:00 p.m. The parents were exhausted. The kids were reinvigorated. What had started out as a disaster had turned into something special.

I hope Gabe doesn't expect this kind of thing every year :)

Monday Morning QB - 10/2

The Bucs overcame a subpar performance on offense. Griese continues to turn the ball over, but the defense kept us in the game. With the Caddy in the garage for the second half, the Bucs did enough to win, including getting some officiating calls, to secure the victory.

Another ugly win. At some point, the bounces will not go our way. It could happen at any game.

My prediction: Bucs 27, Lions 23

Score: Bucs 17, Lions 13

Griese continues to turn the ball over. If the Lions were a quality opponent, we lose this one by a mile. As it stands, all of the Lions points were off of drives from turnovers. This has got to stop.

Offense: D. Two plays for scores, by Pittman and Galloway, don't outweigh four turnovers.

Defense: B. All of the Lions points were off of short fields generated by our turnovers. A great job of holding the Lions to field goals in those situations. Almost gave up a 90 yard drive to the Lions to lose the game, but a close officiaing reversal allowed the Bucs to hold on to the win.

Special Teams: B. We hit all of our PATs and field goals.

Coaching: B. We did enough to win against a bad team. Don't know just how impressive that is.

Outstanding Players: Pittman and Galloway. Stepping up to make enough plays to win.

Things That Drove Me Nuts: Griese's propensity for bad and untimely turnovers! Because of him, we should be 2-2, not 4-0. His turnovers will cost us a game, eventually.

Bucs Record: 4-0. The first quarter of the season is over and, no matter how ugly, you couldn't ask for a better start. Things have to improve in order for the Bucs to make it to the playoffs. We've played the Pack, Vikings, Lions and Bills the first quarter of the season. Their combined records are 3-11, so we've only beaten very bad teams. Our next four games are against the Jets, Dolphins, San Francisco and Carolina, who currently have a combined record of 5-9, with only Miami holding a winning record of 2-1. The Bucs could do well the next quarter of the season, but Cadillac needs to heal and the turnovers have to stop. The pessimist in me says the Bucs go 2-2 over the next four games, losing to Miami and Carolina. But, I thought they'd go 2-2 the first quarter of the season, so what do I know?

Next Opponent: The New York Jets lost their starting and backup QB to injury. They lost last week with their third string QB leading the charge. They signed ex-Buc Vinny Testaverde, who will probably start against the Bucs. The Jets have a solid defense and a good running game, but have been demoralized by the injury to the QB position.

My Life With Crohns So Far... Part 16

When I was a kid, one of the priests at our parish was Father John LaTondress. He was a great priest and a good friend of the family. More importantly to me as a little kid, he had a motorcycle! What’s more cool than a priest with a motorcycle? He took me on a ride once and it was amazing. I can still, to this day, feel the wind on my face and hear his voice over the motorcycle engine.

Many years later, my brother-in-law's father, Ralph, passed away. His funeral was the first time that I understood the sense of loss when someone dies. I had known him for years and realized that his personality would no longer grace the planet. That loss was palatable. It was at that time that I began to pray for those souls that I knew that had died.

Over the course of my life, I had accumulated six people for whom I would pray for… My brother Leo, who was born stillborn years before my birth. My oldest brother Joseph, who died unexpectedly of an aneurysm in 1994. Father LaTondress. Father Jerry, my mother’s cousin. Laura, a friend of a friend who was raped and killed on a hiking trip. And “Aunt” Patsy, a friend’s Aunt who was a great hostess on a memorable trip to California. All of them had died and all of them I pray for weekly at mass.

My health at this time had continued to worsen over two years. I had grown fearful, tired and weak. I had planned my funeral, come to terms with my children forgetting me and certain that this disease would finally get me on its fourth try.

Then, one Sunday, we all went to Mass at a friend’s church to celebrate their daughter’s first communion. When I walked in I was surprised that there was a picture of Father LaTondress at the entrance. What are the odds of that? Was he watching over me? It was reassuring to see his face.

During mass, as I sat silently in the pew and prayed, I had finally reached my end. I prayed silently and fervently when, suddenly, the memory of Shaun King came into my mind. Shaun King??? King was the former quarterback of the Bucs when they went to the NFC Championship game in 1997. I remembered that, when he was a rookie, one reporter asked him if he was afraid about being the QB during the championship game. He quoted Timothy from the Bible and said that fear and faith can’t coexist, so, no, he was not afraid.

As I sat in the pew, I realized just how afraid I had become, just how much fear had grown within my heart. And I was tired, so tired of living this sick life. And so tired of being afraid of what my life had turned into.

So, I prayed to God and said “Lord, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t handle it. I was wrong. In high school, I thought I could handle this disease… I’ve offered every painful moment of it up to you… but I can’t do it anymore. I give up. You win. I don’t have the strength. If that means I have to die, then I’ll die, peacefully. If that means never seeing my children again or holding my wife in my arms, okay. I’ll give that up. But I just can’t be afraid anymore. Afraid of passing out. Afraid of the next surgery. Afraid of missing out on my life. Afraid of losing everything… I can’t be afraid anymore. So, I give this all to you. Take it. Do with it what you want. If that means giving my life to you, then you can have it… I just can’t do this anymore.”

At that moment, the most magical thing happened to me. I literally felt six hands lay on me from behind, on my shoulders, back and head. I glanced and there was no one there, but six hands were touching me. It was at that moment that I realized that those six people whom had been in my prayers all those years, including Father LaTondress, were actually praying over me. I could feel the pressure of their hands on my body… it was amazing. My heart was moved and I was immediately filled with an indescribable peace. Tears streamed down my face. My wife looked to me and mouthed with great concern “Are you all right?” I smiled with contentment and mouthed “I’m fine.”

And I was. The insurmountable burden of fear was released. I didn’t know what that meant as far as my health was concerned, but, whatever path lay ahead of me, I wasn’t afraid anymore. Faith and fear can’t coexist. It reminded me of something my father said to me as a child… sometimes God wears us down because, only at the end, do we give everything up to Him. We are either exercising free will or following God’s will… there is no halfway point.

So, at that moment, I gave everything up to Him. And, with the help of the prayers of my six guardian angels, the chains of fear had broken loose, and I let God take over.

The next time we saw Dr. Levy, as a last ditch effort before surgery, we tried a new medication called Remicade. To everyone’s surprise, it worked… it was as close to a miracle as one can get. My Crohns went into temporary remission. Now, I get a Remicade dosage every three months. Sure, I have bouts of Crohns every now and then, but I got my life back. I was able to shoot a feature film with my daughter. I was able to coach my son’s baseball teams. I’ve been able to celebrate many more wedding anniversaries with my wife.

A few years later I saw Shaun King at a restaurant. Having worked in the entertainment industry, I am not comfortable approaching “celebrities.” But, I was moved by the Holy Spirit… he should know just how much he touched me. So, I relayed the story and told him that, because of one sentence he said years before, one sentence that exemplified his faith, it had guided me through a very dark time. And that, because of that guidance and God’s grace, everything had gotten much better. He shook my hand and asked me my name. “Peter” I said. “I’ll keep you in my prayers, Peter.” And, with that, I left him to finish his meal in peace.

Now, I thank God everyday for this gift of life… and health, even mine. I don’t know if Remicade will work forever. But, by God’s grace, I have been able to live my life again. And that is a gift for which I can only repay through living my life to the best of my ability, through my faith, everyday.

My Life With Crohns So Far... Part 15

Thankfully, I was eventually able to leave the hospital. On the drive home, even the fresh air smelled like wet, smoky laundry. It ended up taking two days for the smell to completely disappear.

When I told my Miami doctor about this upon a follow up visit, he stated he had never heard of such a reaction to anesthesia and the follow up meds before. He was really excited about it all! I wanted to shove his face into a sheet soaked in year long ash tray waste... then see just how exciting he'd think it was. Thinking about the odor, even now, turns my 2-liter stomach.

The expectation after a surgery is that you have about two years where your symptoms should be relatively small… enough time before the scar tissue begins to build. This gives you time to heal and to make some headway in your life before the disease begins to slow everything down again. More importantly, it was time for me to emotionally and spiritually heal from the recent events.

Unfortunately, the Lord had other things in mind and things went from bad to worse.

Soon after my surgery, when they removed my effected areas of my intestinal tract, my Crohns decided to invade my colon. The troops were rounded up and the attack was imminent. Unfortunately for me, I was not informed of this impending colonic battle.

My recovery from this second surgery was very difficult. I just didn’t seem to be getting any better. But, I continued to offer up my illness, my sacrifice, to God. Though my suffering was beginning to take a very large toll, I was determined to praise Him by dealing with it the best I could.

Over the next two years my health continued to worsen. From a year before the last surgery, through surgery, through recovery and now this constant deterioration… would this never end? I was starting down the slipperly slope of declining health and I just didn't have much strength left to fight journey. I had always thought this would end someday... as if the Lord would reward me for my sacrifice by curing me or something. But, then, it wouldn't have been a sacrifice would it? No. I knew that wasn't the deal with offering up my pain... I just hoped beyond everything that the Lord would grant me a miracle.

At this point it seemed as if there was no end in sight. I started to accept the eventual outcome of this latest path and my wife and I started making plans for what would happen if and when I moved on to the next life. We made a will, talked about my final arraignments and what I could do to help her now, in case I didn’t make it.

That’s not a discussion many people ever plan on having with their spouse. How do you correctly end a sentence that starts with the words “When I die…”

It was emotional, it was painful, it was sad, somber and depressing. It hurt me at the deepest levels of my soul. I looked at my kids and wondered if they would remember me. Was I in their lives long enough for them to look back and remember their father? Or would I fade away, like my body was doing? Is this the point of my life, to be half forgotten, fractured memories in my children’s minds? That’s why I was put on this planet? That was God’s plan for me? That’s what my offering up my suffering had gotten me?

Eventually, as my health continued to worsen, Dr. Levy did a colonoscopy. The end result was that over 75% of my colon was covered in ulcers, along with new areas of my intestinal tract and near my stomach. He would try some new medicine, but things were not looking good. Enduring future surgeries was a given. Retaining the rest of my intestines was not a guarantee. The end result of all of our attempts, cloudy at best.

Day after day I was growing weak. And year after year, my faith was evaporating. I was growing more and more afraid. At work, I would get light headed simply walking to the restroom. Almost daily, I felt as if I would pass out. What would happen? Who would find me? What if I passed out in a meeting? Or in the hall? Or in the parking lot? Fear was overwhelming me… "What ifs" filled my mind. I didn’t want to do anything, go anywhere, be anyone… I just wanted to lay in bed.

Finally, I had come to the end of my rope. Something had to change or else I would lose everything.

To be continued…

My Life With Crohns So Far... Part 14

There comes a point when you're in a hospital where you may not be 100% physically, but your are mentally ready to get the hell out of dodge. Those days are the most excruciating.... the waiting. That is where your prayer life becomes critical. Granted, most of your prayers include a lot of phrases such as "Lord, get me out of here now!" and similiar type statements, but at least you're able to vent.

I guess its the feeling of helplessness and unceasing pain that combine to inflict the most damage to your spiritual life. Offering up occasional suffering was one thing. But, honestly offering up constant suffering was something completely different. Selfishness seeps in and you just want the pain to stop... more than you want to offer that suffering up to God. Fighting that battle between human selfishness and divine selflessness... it's a constant struggle.

Now, before you can leave the hospital after an intestinal surgery, the first thing you have to do is pass gas. Now, I’ll be honest, I’m really good at this. One might even consider it a talent. But, after my second surgery, it was taking much longer than I wanted. See, the anesthesia actually puts your intestines to sleep and only when they wake up do you start digesting and pass gas. If you eat too much before your intestines are completely awake, your stomach will throw it into reverse and, well, you know the rest.

With the whole smoky, mildewing persistent smell surrounding me, laying in this Miami hospital was pushing my patience to the limit. In this short-sighted mindset, I rushed along my recovery and began eating before I really should. It wasn't long before I became very nauseous. I was certain I was going to be sick and there were two major problems. One, the bathroom was across the room, which, in my current state, mine as well have been uphill, over jagged rocks during a blizzard. Two, when you get sick, you use your stomach muscles and my stomach muscles were freshly stapled closed... just moving the sheets across them was painful.

This wasn’t going to be my finest hour.

As quickly as I could, which to most humans would look like extreme slow motion, I made my way out of bed. With my I.V. in tow, I scurried my way to the bathroom. Now what?

I couldn’t bend down. I couldn’t get on my knees. I was about to be sick and I was in a no win situation. I put on my MacGuyver hat and made my way to the sink. By now, the time had come. With each wave of nausea, my stomach muscles clenched tight and the pain raced through my body like an electrical current. It was excruciating. After some intense, self inflicted pain, the nausea left me. I cleaned myself up and made my way back into bed.

I had learned my lesson. I needed to slow down my physical recovery, no matter how much damage was inflicted on me mentally or spiritually. Sometimes life just sucks. You just have to deal with it.

To be continued.

Predictor Pete - Week Four

The Bucs pulled out a victory against the Packers last week, moving to 3-0. Despite some bonehead plays, the defense made the stops when required and Cadillac ran into the history books to beat the Pack 17-16

This week the Bucs face the Lions for the second home game of the season. The Lions are coming off a bye week and should be well rested. Lion QB Joey Harrington was expected to do great things this year, but he's struggled and the Lions are at 1-1.

If the Bucs can do what they do, they should win this game. There will be a time, however, where they have a bad game and the breaks don't go their way. I don't think this will be the game.

My Heart: Bucs 28-10.
My Mind: Bucs 21-14
My Colon: Lions 21-19.

My Pick: Bucs 27-23...

Again, on paper, the Bucs should win. The Lions have three big receivers, so that may cause some issues. I would expect, having seen Cadillac run rampant over the past three games, that they will stack the box and force the Bucs to pass. If that's the case, the game may fall on Griese's shoulders... something for which I'm not overly confident. It'll probably be closer than I'd like. If we win the turnover and penalty battle, we should win the game.

Also, I won't actually get to see this game this week. My son is celebrating his 9th birthday at the final home Devil Rays game. He's worth it :)

My Record: 3 - 0.

My Life With Crohns So Far... Part 13

The one thing for which I have been keenly aware during my illness has been the effect of Crohns on my wife and children. Caregivers are the unsung heroes. For a long time, whenever people would see my wife, they would ask about me... as if her needs, her feelings were inconsequential. When, in reality, it was she that was bearing the brunt of the illness. After all, I was home sick, in bed, alone. She had to manage the kids, run the house, everything.

Her life grows exceedingly more complex where mine becomes painful, but simple.

So, as my time wore on in the Miami hospital, my wife's patience was beginning to grow thin. She would stop by to visit me in the room, but the entire experience was wearing on her. Her time actually sitting with me grew less and less each day. After all, what can she do, but watch me lay there. How exciting is that? I was completely bored sitting there. How much more boring is it for her to sit there watching me be bored? I think there's a cirlce of hell reserved for such an undertaking.

One morning she arrived and sat across from me and asked "How are you doing?" As I wrapped all of my thoughts into the word "fine" she said, "Okay, I'm going to go to the cafeteria. I'll be back later." Before I could respond, she was gone. She left the room so fast I half expected a BEEP-BEEP and a Looney Toon-esque cloud outline of her to be at the foot of my bed, slowly disappating into nothing.

I can't imagine how helpless and frustrating and draining and tiring and complicated being the caregiver can be. Thankfully, my brother John and his wife Irene came down and spent some time with my wife. That was a Godsend for her... she desperately needed the distraction.

While laying alone in the room and my stomach swollen and stapled, something odd started to happen. Everything started smelling like old, smoky, dirty, mildewy laundry. Everything. My sheets, the oxygen flowing into my nose, everything.

At one point the nurse brought me some food... it was SUPPOSE to be turkey and applesauce. To me, it was some evil concoction of smell and waste. I tasted it... smoky, wet laundry... with gravy. I was certain this was the dirtiest hospital in the history of documented medicine.

When my wife arrived, I immediately and urgently whispered to her "Can you taste this???? It's awful!"

She dipped the spoon into the food... "hmmm, applesauce."

"Applesauce???? What about that!" I pointed to another selection on the tray.

She took a big bite... "Turkey" she replied.

"Turkey? What the hell is going on?" I asked.

I couldn't get out of there quick enough.

To be continued...

Image and Likeness

When it is said that humans are made in the image and likeness of God, what does that mean? Does the word image mean a replica or symbolic similarity? Is likeness a resemblance? What seems lacking in this English translation is that these words Image and Likeness infer a visual similarity. But, we are often taught that it our souls, our actions, our behavior that defines our potential spiritual purity, not our looks.

So, I don't think Image and Likeness means we look like God or that he has two hands, feet or whatever. It must be deeper. Otherwise, the Apostles would have told us what Jesus looked like. But they didn't. So, it must mean that we are endowed with God's ability to feel compassion, to forgive, to sacrifice, to be merciful and helpful and, above all else, to love. As John says in his gospel, God is love. So, perhaps that is how we are in His Image and Likeness... that we have the ability, the free will of choice to love. And through that love and the acts that encompass its unconditional existence, we bring ourselves closer to our Creator and His Son.

Saturation Point

I've reached it. My brain cannot absorb any more international or domestic news of mass destruction. No more hurricane damage, no more suicide bombers, no more turning every little thing into a he said/she said between the Reps and the Dems, no more about oil prices or housing markets or Supreme Court nominees or wars on terror...

I'm done. I'm full. I'm packed. I need some quality time with the lesser things in life, like sports radio and music and movies and football and baseball and hockey and playing video games with my kids or laughing with my daughter or a date night with my wife.

Actually, I should have been focused on those "lesser" things all along.

My Life With Crohns So Far... Part 12

We arrived at the hospital in Miami and I was checked in, ready to get my laparoscopic intestinal surgery. It would normally take me about 12 months to recover from the normal intestinal surgery. A laparoscopic surgery only takes a few weeks and you're back to 100%.

We were very excited.

I awoke from the surgery to feel my stomach as if it were on fire. The nurse gave me a manual morphine clicker, which allows the patient to self-dispense morphine to themselves, per the patients needs... up to a point. Every day they lessen the total amount of morphine you can receive and never allow you to put yourself into danger.

When she handed me the clicker she said "Mr. Bauer, I'm handing you your self-release morphine button." My stomach felt as if it was being sawed in half… it was the most intense pain I had ever felt… so I began clicking away... a million clicks a second. Looks like all of those years of video game playing had finally come in handy!

Over the non-stop flurry of "clicks" the nurse said "Mr. Bauer, its not hooked up yet." No matter. The anesthesia was still flowing through my system, so I slipped back into unconsciousness.

I awoke in my hospital room, my wife with me. The doctors explained that they started the surgery laparoscopically, but due to the amount of damage, they had to perform the surgery the old fashioned way. Bonus! Not only did I get a new big scar on my stomach, but additional laparoscopic scars as well! Yeah! Oh Happy Day!

I told my wife that I know that I had a six-pack stomach when we got married, but after two surgeries, the best I can offer her was a 2-liter.

I was pretty groggy for the first couple of days, fading in and out, riding the morphine wave. Apparently, my brother John visited me once. He asked how I was doing. I awoke to tell him I thought I was going to throw up. He then asked where my wife was? I told him she was staying at the Green Mile Hotel.

He still gets a kick out of that story.

Soon after my recovery in the hospital started, my patience for staying there was growing thin. I just wanted to go home and I would do just about anything to get out of there.

To be continued…

Spam Jokes

As most of everyone else on the planet, I get spam emails with jokes or urban myths or whaterver. Yesterday I got one that had a couple of funny jokes in it about life lessons...

• Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
• Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
• Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
• Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that.
  
• Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

And my personal favorite...

• There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

My Life With Crohns So Far... Part 11

The textbook effect of Crohns disease is that a surgery is required every five years. With active Crohns, ulcers create scar tissue. The scar tissue builds over time, usually over a five year period, until it causes a blockage. At that point, you need surgery.

I got Crohns in 1989. My first surgery was January 1995. As we neared 2000, I was due for another trip to the hospital. Like clock work, the textbook was right.

After a bout with what felt to be a standard Crohns attack... intestinal swelling, bloating and nausea... you know, good times... things got worse. I couldn't keep any water down. Even after the swelling had mostly diminished. By 2000, Dr. Boyd had left private practice and went on to teach at the University of Florida. I called my new gastroenterologist, Dr. Levy, and told him of my problem. He said simply, with his blunt New York accent "Looks like you have a blockage. Go to the hospital. You'll have to have surgery."

I wasn't prepared for this on any level... physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually. I felt like I had just got kicked in the groin. "Okay" was all I could muster in response and hung up the phone. My wife was equally as unprepared, but she drove me to the hospital and I was admitted. As a last ditch effort they pumped me with prednisone to see if it would help. To everyone's surprise, it did. My intestinal swelling decreased enough so that the scar tissue was no longer causing a blockage. But, we all knew this was only a temporary solution. The clock was ticking. It was only a matter of time before surgery was inevitable.

The first surgery was such a bad experience, my wife and I used our time once I was released from the hospital to pursue other surgical options. We found that they are now performing laparoscopic Crohns surgery in Miami. The recovery is greatly reduced and the scarring minimal. Sounded like a winner to me!

We drove down to the hospital in Miami, met with the doctors, had exams, scheduled the surgery, etc. This time it was going to be different. This time we were prepared. This time the recovery would be minimal. This time, this disease would not completely take over my life.

Or so I thought.

To be continued...

The Failure of the Republicans

I do not like to align myself with either major political party... after all, they're both full of politicians. But, I am certainly much more conservative than liberal on many viewpoints. This past election, the Republicans basked in their self-anointed glory as Democrats lost both the Presidential election and many state elections. Also, most states passed conservative-esque legislation regarding parental notification of abortions and on the definition of marriage. The elephant party was officially on the clock.

The Republicans promised this was to be a new day, with control of the House, the Senate and the White House great things were going to happen. And, over the past year, what have they done?

Nothing much.

The good:

• The economy... The Republican strategy of tax cuts and low interest rates have greatly assisted in keeping this economy afloat during troubled times.
• The war on terror... war is ugly, especially this one. But if we don't participate, it doesn't mean it is going to go away. It only means that we won't be defending ourselves or keeping innocent Americans from dying in the future. So, if you gotta fight, you gotta fight.
• Supreme Court... It'd be nice to have justices who just read the constitution instead of rewriting it or taking non-US laws into account when dealing with legal issues. Hopefully, Bush will get some even-minded legal junkies in the black robes.

The bad:

• The war on terror... if you're going to fight a war, fight it with everything you have. Don't fight it to just barely win, but to completely win. Get as many troops, bombs and missiles over there and blow the enemy to bits... after all, the goal is to win, right? This war will never be politically palatable, so pay whatever points you have to pay on the home front and get the job done. Stop messing around. If Iraq doesn’t pass the constitution and start taking care of themselves, things will go badly in a hurry. The evolution of Iraq will either be Bush’s greatest achievement or greatest folly.
• Securing the borders... Okay... you've convinced me that terrorist are bad, that we need to fight the battle wherever it lies. Hello, but that includes our own borders, right? If you're willing to throw young American lives into the fray in the Middle East, why can't you have the political brass to secure the borders? Everyone knows its a problem. Illegal immigration is bad. It cost American citizens a LOT of money in health care costs, incarceration costs, etc. And what's to keep Osama Bin Bad Ass from crossing Mexico with a nuke in a backpack, ready to meet his 77 virgins? Right now, nothing. If the threat is real, it is real here even more so than across the pond. But, politicians in both parties are afraid of offending… who? The legal Latin American citizens who followed the laws? Or the illegals… oh wait, they can’t vote, can they?
  
• Reliance on Foreign Oil… Okay, you’ve convinced me that terrorists are bad and that they are mostly funded from oil profits in the Middle East… that and heroin production. So, why are we doing absolutely NOTHING toward getting off or our reliance of oil? The biggest mistake Bush made during his second presidential acceptance speech, in my opinion, was not making it a national priority to make clean car technology something to be completed in his last term. Much like Kennedy’s push for spaceflight, Bush could have made American ingenuity a cool, necessary thing. It could have been his greatest achievement. Instead, we’re looking to drill up in Alaska? That’s the long term solution? Ahhh… no, I don’t think so.
• Social Security… It’s still going to go belly up. I look at my paycheck every two weeks and am pissed that I’ve been forced to donate more of my money… that’s MY money, into a black hole. So, with the House, Senate and White House in control, this remains unresolved.
• Tax Reform… Taxes in this country are a mess. For every tax, there is a loophole on how NOT to pay them… so why have the tax? So that only the people who are savvy enough or can afford someone to find the loophole can take advantage of them? I strongly suggest the Fair Tax Plan. But, it makes way too much sense for anyone up in DC to put it into place.
• Fiscal Responsibility… The Bush administration is one of the biggest liberal spending groups ever to sit in the White House…. Entitlements are going through the roof. Maybe he needs to look up the whole smaller government part of the Republican charter… I think he forgot that part.

Unfortunately, I don’t see the Democrats doing anything about these issues either. As a matter of fact, I only hear them complain, I don’t hear them offering solutions. Hell, they're even blaming Hurricanes on this administration. Get a grip, donkys. Let's pull ourselves back into reality here.

When Newt and the boys/girls in the 90s offer the Contract with America, the current Republicans should have used that as a model for this last election. I would love for the Republican Party to publicly state:

• We will complete the Iraq transition with all of our forces to bear.
• We will revamp the Tax Code.
• We will fix Social Security.
• We will secure the US borders.
• We will remove our reliance on foreign oil.

I just want someone in DC to do SOMETHING! It’s called leadership. Isn’t that why they’re up there? Too make the tough choices for the benefit of their constituents? And aren't I one of them? Obviously, the current crop of elected officials are just looking out for themselves and their re-election.

That's nothing new... and that's the problem

My Life With Crohns So Far... Part 10

Having survived my first surgery, my next step was to retrain myself in a career with a future. It started with an incredibly awful job for a small tech company. Things got better with a job as a phone jockey working at a national long distance company. I worked third shift, so the hours were not great... neither was the pay. But the fact that I was working at all, providing for my family in some way, was a great relief... at least I was doing SOMETHING.

It was during this time that my health took another interesting turn. It started with an ice skating party my daughter attended. I went out on the ice with my daughter and assisted her with keeping her keester off the rink. The next day my ankles were swollen and sore. Since this was the first exercise I had participated in since my surgery, I thought I was just out of shape.

The ankles continued to be sore... slowly other joints in my body started to ache. A few weeks passed and I started to feel nauseous, worn down. I thought I had the flu. The flu was going around work, so that must be it. Then canker sores started appearing in my mouth... ah, it's not the flu, but a virus! Okay, I just have to ride it out.

My appetite dropped considerably as this "virus" was taking weeks to pass. Then a canker sore appeared on one of my eyes and I could no longer wear contacts. This was some virus! I started to lose weight, which I didn't mind because I had gained some unwanted pounds from the side effects of the medicine I took after my surgery. Cool, that's not so bad.

My joints hurt, I had 14 canker sores in my mouth, another one on my eye, my appetite was gone, I was nauseous most of the time, I was losing weight... writing all of these things down at once, it's pretty obvious this was not a virus. But, when it takes months for all of this occur, you don't equate one with the other. My wife started pleading with me to see the doctor. I refused. "It's not Crohns!" I said, "I've had it for 10 years, I know what it's like." And, on some level, I just couldn't mentally bear being sick again. So I entered another state of denial.

My weight continued to drop. I was getting weaker every day. At one point, I could not complete an eight hour day sitting at a desk answering a phone. I would go out to my car during lunch and take a nap, to get through the next four hours. After I'd get off work, I'd go right home and go to sleep.

Things deteriorated quickly after that until one Friday morning... I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize my reflection. I can't explain what that moment was like... you see yourself everyday, yet the person looking back at me wasn't me. It was eerie. My weight had dropped so much that I could see all of my bones. My face was gaunt... I looked like my brother Paul in high school. I knew I was in trouble.

I called Dr. Boyd's office and told them I needed to see him as soon as possible. The earliest opening was Monday morning... I had to wait almost 72 hours. Those 72 hours were terrifying. I spent the weekend in bed. I could feel my organs starting to shut down. I had no energy. I was scared. I was dying.

My wife drove me to the doctors office and, upon looking at my, Dr. Boyd said it was Crohns. I repeated my denial "I've had this for 10 years! I know what Crohns is and this isn't it." He handed me a book. "You can keep it," he said. He flipped open the book and said "Read this." The book was the Crohns and Ulcerative Colitis Handbook. The chapter was called Secondary Symptoms of Crohns. As I read the list, one by one, I checked them off. I got this, I got that, I have this too. I simply looked up, defeated. I should have listened to my wife months ago.

Dr. Boyd took some of my blood and put me on prednisone again, to get my appetite back. Every time you take prednisone, it’s kinda like being pregnant. You have urges for different foods each time you take it. One time it was Oreos. Another it was scrambled eggs. This time it was Cocoa Puffs.

Upon my return to the doctors office for my follow up, Dr. Boyd held my chart in his hands and looked at my wife and me, perplexed. He started, with his smooth Southern drawl, "You know, Pete, your blood work showed that your liver function response was extremely abnormal. It was so odd I had to look it up. The only literature I could find was an African study. You were so emaciated that your liver response was equal to starving children in Ethiopia."

My wife slugged my arm. "I told you to see the doctor! Listen to me next time!" she reiterated. She then turned to Dr. Boyd, "All he wants to eat is Cocoa Puffs. Shouldn't he be eating fruits and vegetables?" The doctor responded "He just needs calories. I don't care how. At this point, he just needs calories."

Ethiopian children... geez. I had almost starved myself to death. What else was this disease going to do to me? What other challenges was it going to throw my way? My faith remained strong, however. I continued to offer up my illness to God so that my suffering could be used for his greater good. But, just how much suffering did God expect me to take?

My weight eventually came back... most of it. My wife had always been pleased with the way God had created my derriere. During this last event, however, I not only lost fat, but muscle mass. Much to my wife's chagrin, my buttocks have never looked the same. This baby has no longer got back.

I slowly moved up the food chain at work and things were looking good... except the five year clock was ticking and another surgery was inevitable.

To be continued...

League Rules

I opened a bottle of cola today and it reminded me of a true moment of absurdity...

One hot, humid, sweltering day, as I entered Raymond James to attend a Bucs game, I am handed a plastic Buc license plate as a memento of the game. I walk up to the nose bleed area, where my seats are located and am sweating like a pig, using the license plate as a fan.

Before going to my seat located just two rows away from Lutz, I go to the concession stand and buy a vastly overpriced bottle of water. The attendant removes the cap and hands me the bottle. As I am about to walk up about two thousand flights of stairs to get to my seat and since I just paid a million dollars for the water, every spilled drop is worth about... well, a lot... so I asked for the cap.

"We're not allowed. League rules," the attendant said.

"The NFL has rules about water bottle caps?" I asked.

"Yeah. They're afraid they'll be used as projectiles," the attendant continued.

I hold up the full bottle of water... "as opposed to this?"

"Uhhh..." the attendant stammered.

I hold up the hard plastic license plate... "or this?"

"Sorry. League rules" he insisted.

"What if I bring a bottle cap from home?"

"Uhhh... I don't know."

We just stared at each other, the sweat from the bottled water dripping on my hand, evaporation now having cost me the price of a Hummer...

"So, can I have the bottle cap?"

"Sorry, league rules."

Monday Morning QB - 9/26

The Bucs went into Lambeau Field and won for the first time since 1989. Any win is a good win, but I feel we came out of that game fortunate. Even though our running game excelled, we were merely killing grass, as we did not score in the second half of the game. And Brian Griese's late interception should have cost us the game... first, if the defender didn't fall over his own player, he would have scored a touchdown and we lose the game. Secondly, if the defense didn't shut the Pack down, we lose the game.

A win is a win is a win, so I'll take it, no matter how ugly, but there is still room for improvement.

My prediction: Bucs 24, Packers 13

Score: Bucs 17, Packers 16

Griese needs to understand when to throw the frickin' ball away! The Bucs have the momentum and potentially the game in hand when he throws late to Pittman for an interception that, as I mentioned above, should have cost us the win. Last year, the Bucs were the team that missed an extra point and a field goal, that tripped over their own players on the way to the end zone, that couldn't run effectively and that lost at home... this game it was the Pack. It just goes to show you how these games are won and loss in the details, in the little plays that can change the eventual outcome of the game.

Offense: B. Cadillac runs into the record books, running for over 450 yards in his first three games. He's the first rookie to start his career with three consecutive 100 yard games. If he can stay healthy and bear the weight of running so much throughout the season, the Bucs will be in great shape. If Griese makes another late game boneheaded interception, he should be shot (not literally).

Defense: B. Another multi-turnover game for the Buc D. They were getting tired, as the Bucs O was unable to sustain drives in the second half, but made enough critical plays to win. They didn't seem to swarm to the ball, as in past games, but that may be more due to the Packers offense that to the Bucs D.

Special Teams: A. We hit all of our PATs and field goals, the Pack didn't, and therein lies the victory.

Coaching: B+. Running game was excellent. The passing game included almost every receiver. The defense shut down when necessary and Kiffin blitzed at the right times to cause disruption and sack Favre when needed.

Outstanding Players: Cadillac Williams for three weeks in a row. Will Allen subbing for an injured Jackson, intercepting two. The Offensive Line. Shelton Quarles.

Things That Drove Me Nuts: Griese's late game interception, of course. Its times like those that make me wish Brad Johnson would enter his body just for that one play, so he'd just throw the ball away!

Bucs Record: 3-0. I told my brother Stephen that I thought the Bucs would go 2-2 in the first four games Now they're 3-0? Sweet.

Next Opponent: The Detroit Lions come in after a bye week to Raymond James stadium. The Bucs defense should feed on a Lion passing game that has struggled behind Joey Harrington. Could the Bucs go 4-0? We'll see.

My Life With Crohns So Far... Part 9

At this point in my life, Crohns had almost killed me two times. I was working a low paying job and living with my in-laws. I was on the mend from my surgery and moving up the food chain at work.

During all of this time, I tried to be a good soldier for the Lord. Over the past few years of my marriage I've had to give up my career dreams, my chronic illness had debilitated me, I had to move into my in-laws and I could no longer provide for my family.

I had had enough.

One late night in February, sitting in my father-in-laws recliner, I had a come to Jesus meeting... literally. God has given us the emotion of anger, so I have never been shy with the Lord when things have displeased me. It takes a lot to get me angry, but when I'm angry, I express it. In my prayer I started yelling at God. "I've had it! I can't do this anymore! How much more do you want from me? You've taken almost everything from me! I don't have my dreams! I don't have my career! I don't have my health! I can't provide for my family! I'm all alone! I'm ashamed to look in my children's eyes! I'm an embarrassment for my wife! I have nothing! Nothing! And I'm tired of it!" The rant continued for an hour. I then went to bed.

The next morning, I told my wife that I yelled at God for an hour. She didn't think that was a good idea. I said "I told God that if things weren't better by the end of next month, we'd have problems." "What does that mean?" she asked. "I don't know. I've done everything He's asked me, but I can't take it anymore. If He loves me, respects me, He'll answer this prayer. If He doesn't... then..." I couldn't finish the sentence. I didn't want to verbalize what such a denial would mean to my lifelong faith.

Things improved quickly. Within the next few weeks we found a condo that was affordable to rent and, for all intents and purposes, was perfect. As we were signing the lease, I looked down and began to laugh to myself. "What is it?" my wife asked. "God just called me a fool" I replied. Next to my signature was the date... April 1st. April Fools Day. In a very subtle way, God both answered my prayers with a Yes and let me know I was foolish for giving Him an ultimatum.

I would never do it again... well, only one more time.

To be continued...

My Life With Crohns So Far... Part 8

When you face your own potential death, something changes in you. Beyond the greater appreciation of those areas of your life like family, friends and, of all things, health, something else also changes in you. I don't know how to phrase it, but life slows down a bit. Priorities change. You seem stronger and more vulenerable at the same time. You're just never the same again.

The first time Crohns tried to kill me, I wasn't prepared and in denial of the critical nature of my situation. But the second time, that was much harder. It took longer to develop and longer to overcome. I don't know how to say it other than to say that, in the end, you're just different.

By the time I had gotten out of the hospital I had lost my job at Channel 13. So, I was left, living with my in-laws, unemployed, recovering from surgery, without any real prospects working in the industry for which I was trained. Things were not looking good.

And there is something about being a man, about being a father, more than any societal or internal pressure... there is something instinctual about a man's role in the family. We are compelled to provide for the family, to hunt the bison, to feed the children. Spending that time with my in-laws was brutal on my psychology. Tatooing the word LOSER to my forehead would have only scratched the surface as to how I felt about myself.

During my years recovering and retraining myself in the computer industry, I was excessively lonely. Other than my parents, for some reason my family did not call me... not once. They never asked me out to dinner or a movie or just to hang out. They got all of their news on me from my parents and left me alone. For years. I have since talked to some of them about this and they said they didn't want to impose on my in-laws. But, it deeply effected my feelings about my family. If they aren't here for me now, then was my childhood all some sort of sick facade? It was devastating.

At one point, one of my older brothers called and I was very excited. Unfortunately, I later found out that reason for the call was because my wife had asked him to... she was worried I was going to commit suicide. That thought never crossed my mind, but apparently my behavior had her that worried. But the fact that, yet again, no one in my family took the time to talk to me... well, the scar cut pretty deep.

I don't remember much of my time with my in-laws. It was so personally painful that I have blocked most of it out as a defense mechanism. About the only thing I remember is the birth of my son. And a surprise 30th birthday party my wife threw me. Other than that, it's pretty sketchy.

As part of my retraining process, I got a job as a phone jockey at a major long distance phone carrier.

By this time, I had felt the symptoms of Crohns for almost 10 years. I knew just about anything there was that could happen when it comes to the disease... or so I thought.

It was at this point that Crohns tried to kill me for the third time.

To be continued...