Funny

I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack.

--Demetri Martin

Babylon 5: The Lost Tales (2007)

Babylon 5 was a wonderful television series in the 1990's. Created by J. Michael Straczynski, Babylon 5 was called a book for television and it really was, taking five seasons to complete the entire storyline. The time involved in such story arcs left for deep and wonderfully realistic character developments and surprising plot points. As far as science fiction television goes, Babylon 5 deserves to be up there with Star Trek (the original series), Firefly and Battlestar Gallactica (new series) as one of the best sci-fi shows in TV history.

The fan base for B5 has not waned very much over the years and Warner Bros., who own the rights to series, wanted more material to fill the fans' hunger for the subject matter, so Straczynski has fashioned The Lost Tales, small short films that bring some of the actors and characters back into the B5 universe.

The Lost Tales DVD contains two stories, Voices in the Dark: Over Here and Voices in the Dark: Over There. Over Here is a very intriguing story about a maintenance worker on the Babylon 5 space station that appears to be possessed by the Devil. A priest is brought on board to determine the validity and the meaning behind the apparent possession. The story was especially intruiging to me as I believe Straczynski is an athiest... or at least he was. After watching Over Here, I wonder.

Over There involves President Sheridan, played by the under-appreciated Bruce Boxleitner, who is returning to Babylon 5 for a 10th anniversary gathering. On his journey back he is approached by a mysterious person in his dreams that pushes him to make a very tough decision in order to save billions of lives on earth.

Watching a few, and I mean just a few, of the original B5 characters back on the screen made me yearn for the original series. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed the show and, upon revisiting the B5 universe, want to sit down and watch the original series all over again.

The budget for this DVD was obviously very limited. The sets are small and minimal, the locations few and the green screen effects are far less than one expects from the technology today. There are some good special effects when it takes place completely in space, but when you put an actor in front of the computer graphic work, well, the budget, or lack thereof, shows.

Another disappointment to me was the short and very quick storylines. Granted, the goal of the DVD is to only tell short stories, but when compared to the immense five-year story arcs of the original series, these two stories come to conclusion very, very quickly... too quickly. The solutions are conveniently easy to determine and just when you're getting your feet wet in the B5 universe, the stories are over.

All that being said, it was nice to relive a bit of the Babylon 5 experience. Though, not perfect, for fans of Babylon 5, The Lost Tales will be a fun, albeit fast detour into a sci-fi favorite.

High School - Week 1

Well, my daughter has survived her first few days of high school. After a schedule mix up and a locker issue, all seems calm now. DC is comfortable there and has four auditions coming up for the theater department. Hopefully she'll get cast in one of those four.

Now, every morning, I drive her to school and we get some really nice time between us, discussing school, movies, church, friendship, etc... and that's just since Tuesday! :) Should be a fun year.

Bill Gates Goes to College Video

I stumbled across this very funny video via another blog that pairs Bill Gates with Napoleon Dynamite for a 2005 conference. It's very funny and can be found at:

Bill Gates Goes to College

The Microsoft bigwig teamed up with Napoleon Dynamite in this spoof video from PDC 2005. The camera's a little shaky, but you get the idea.

Enjoy

High School Starts Tomorrow

My daughter enters high school tomorrow. She's nervous. My wife is a wreck. We're going out to dinner tonight as a calm-before-the-storm celebration.

I doubt my daughter gets a good nights sleep. I'm certain my wife won't. I'm not as worried as those two, but I'm not sure if I'll sleep well either... their nervousness and anxiety is making me nervous.

So, we'll see how it goes...

The Moment After (1999) and The Moment After 2 (2007)

In 1999, among the rampant pre-millennium apocalyptic end times, ChristianCinema.com released The Moment After.

In this original low-budget Christian flick, two FBI agents are directed to figure out why so many Christians in the world suddenly disappeared. The agents, played by two of the films producers, Kevin Downes and David A.R. White, investigate the Rapture, each ending up on opposite sides of the faith scale. White gets arrested for harboring a Christian leader wanted by the new global enforcement agency and is thrown in prison.

The Moment After 2 continues the story eight years later, as White, now on death row, escapes while being transported to the location of his eventual death. He hides in the desert and comes across a band of other Christians-in-hiding. Downes, who quit the FBI years earlier, is forced back into service by the global police to hunt down White and bring him back in custody.

The production value and quality of both films is very good, but especially so with the sequel. The relationship between Downes and White plays very real and the positive Christian messages are seamlessly interwoven into the storyline, never feeling preachy. Both films are directed by Wes Llewellyn, who manages the story and the action sequences quite nicely.

What I like about these films most of all is that they tackle the massive scope of the Rapture successfully within their budgetary limitations. Instead of trying to capture the immensity of the End Times on a minuscule budget like the Omega Code films or focusing on blow-by-blow fundamentalist interpretation of Revelations, such as in the Left Behind trilogy, the film shrinks the scale of the story without losing the impact of the message. The end result are believable, satisfying and intriguing films.

Plus, both films affirm a personal belief of mine when it comes to low-budget films, in that it is more important to find the right actors than hire known actors. Films with actors such as Eric Roberts or Stephen Baldwin or Lorenzo Lamas are immediately assumed to be B-movies because of the celebrity baggage they bring with them. Relatively unknown, yet competent actors such as White and Downes are far more successful at relaying the story because they fit the role and can pull off the performances, but don't weigh down the film negatively with any audience-driven preconceived notions. Granted, it may be a little easier to get a movie sold overseas if Roberts or Baldwin are in them, but there's a price to pay in creditability if the actors are miscast, which often happens.

In any event, for fans of End Times story lines, The Moment After and The Moment After 2 are excellent Christian film fare.

Disturbia (2007)

Disturbia is a rock solid suspense film that is both a homage to Hitchcock's Rear Window and Cameron Crowe's Say Anything... an odd combination to be sure, but it works to perfection. The story revolves around a teen named Kale (the excellent Shia LaBeouf) who, after an explosive opening to the film, ends up spiraling down a growingly dangerous teen delinquent path. On house arrest and forced to stay in his house for three months, Kale spends his hours looking out the windows, peering into the lives around him. He spots a new neighbor, the lovely Ashley (Sarah Roemer) on one side of his house and the menacing Mr. Turner (David Morse) on the other. With the help of his friend Ronnie (the hilarious Aaron Yoo) and the eventual assistance of Ashley, Kale comes to believe that Mr. Turner may actually be a serial killer.

LaBeouf is one of those rare, inventive, talented and natural actors that is believable in just about anything he does. He plays a variety of emotions, from new teen romance to the loss of a family member to suspicion to humor to fear... all without a single false note. The newcomer Roemer is spot on as the beautiful and flirtatious Ashley, who's both strong and troubled. Her interplay with LaBeouf is great Hollywood teen love at its best.

A special nod goes to Morse who is able to be both charming and scary at the same time. Since we, like Kale, are unsure of Mr. Turner's guilt or innocence, in every scene Morse has to achieve both potential guilt and innocence by his mannerisms and inflections, not giving away one way or another if he is indeed a bad person. You are both intimidated and empathetic with the man who simple likes his privacy.

Directed by D.J. Caruso, Disturbia is a very successful teen suspense thriller with strong, layered characters, real life teen angst and the unfortunate outcomes one might face when we interject ourselves into other peoples lives. Check it out. It's a good, fun flick.

Training for Salvation

At Mass Sunday our priest, Father Morris, gave a wonderful homily about priorities and salvation. He spoke of the Bible's take on material things and that, in and of themselves, material things mean nothing. But, if we put them above God, if we worry about them more than we worry about our salvation, our obedience to God, then material things can become a problem. Do we worry about our homes, our investments, our retirement? Do we worry about those things more than we worry about God and His plan for us?

His best analogy was that of Olympic athletes. He talked about how focused they are on winning a medal and how much they sacrifice to get there. They sacrifice their bodies, money, time with their friends, time with their families, but the end result is a Gold Medal and when asked, Gold Medal winners will always feel their years of toil and sacrifice were worth it.

We should treat our salvation in Jesus as Olympic athletes do their Gold Medals. What are we willing to sacrifice, to offer up for eternal salvation? Our bodies, our time with friends and family, our money?

It's made me think more about that. Made we think about how much worry I put into treasures on earth instead of treasures in heaven.

It made me think I need to change banks and start worrying about my heavenly deposits instead.

The Importance of Feeling Important

At work I recently overheard a conversation about faith, or lack thereof. One person was an ex-Catholic who was very proud of their lack of faith. You could tell by the person's mannerisms, their certainty of spiritual uncertainty, the force in their voice. The other person in the conversation was a parent who's child was starting to ask questions about God. The parent is married to a spouse who's Catholic but the parent, in their own words, "is nothing" when it comes to faith.

As I listened to their conversation, getting more and more offended because of my own personal beliefs, I kept imploring the Holy Spirit to tell me what to say or what to do, but my emotions were getting the best of me, so the Holy Spirit had me say nothing. It was very frustrating.

Afterwards I thought about two things. The actor in me immediately started a self evaluation. What was it about their conversation that was getting me so mad? When they were dismissing Catholicism I felt as if they were dismissing a part of me. Plus, I was offended that they would have such a discussion in an open office without taking into consideration that others around them may have faith and even be Catholic.

The second thing I realized is that these two people reveled in their own importance. By dismissing organized religion, even though the ex-Catholic was baptized, received first communion, confirmation and was even an altar server, they were somehow elevating themselves above God. They bolstered their superiority about not needing organized religion and spouted some inaccurate comments about the Crusades.

I really wanted to say something, but instead felt called to simply pray for them. Their souls are at stake and they don't even know it.

The parent has a great and wonderful opportunity to enlighten their child about God and Jesus, yet is completely ill equipped to do so and has no real interest in trying. I wonder, on our judgment day, how we will be held accountable for our children's faith. And the ex-Catholic has fashioned strong legs to support their belief in their own disbelief and proudly stands on those legs in divine defiance.

The saddest part is that these are two very nice people who have confused being nice with being holy. And, what is even sadder, is that I hear more and more of these conversations from people.

In the end I simply thank God for the gift of time.

When I look back at where I was 10 years ago in regards to my faith, I cannot believe what I felt was appropriate then compared to what I feel is acceptable now. I am so much more aware of my actions, my sins and my failings... not in some morbid sense of guilt, but in the constant focus for spiritual improvement.

I hope there is enough time in these co-worker's lives to find their faith.

When I see a world so blatantly and openly faithless I can only ask God to help our children. And, most of all, be with those who have lost their faith or their way. As Jesus said, He is the light of the world. If only more people would realized just what a darkened life they truly lead.

On the Waterfront (1954)

If acting styles were put into biblical proportions, it would be separated into two groups, BB and AB (Before Brando and After Brando). Marlon Brando was the leading actor in the new acting style that evolved in the 1950's called The Method. The Method acting focused on real world emotions and performances. It erased the stylized acting choices found in films such as Gone with the Wind and, instead asked the actor to pull from their own lives in order to create a real and subtle performance.

Brando was the king of The Method court. He lead the charge by creating such completely realistic performances... so much so that you don't know where he ends and his characters begin. Even in a film with such a strong cast that On the Waterfront has, a cast which includes Karl Malden, Eva Marie Saint, Lee J. Cobb and Rod Steiger, Brando's performance is by far the best

On the Waterfront, directed by method filmmaker Elia Kazan, revolves around Terry Malloy (Brando), a washed up boxer who's brother (Steiger) is second to the local mafia boss (Cobb) in charge of the dock workers union. Malloy, who is coddled and protected by Cobb starts down a dangerous path when he befriends the sister (Saint) of a man killed for squealing to the cops. He finds himself in even greater trouble when he starts listening to a local priest (Malden) who is trying to end the corruption on the docks.

It culminates with a mentally simple, but strong Malloy who tries to do the right thing and take on Cobb and his influence, at peril to his own life.

What I found very interesting this time around was the films blatant Christian themes. As a matter of fact, in today's world this could easily be considered a Christian film. The priest publicly chastises the mafia powers, calling upon Jesus' example of how we are to treat each other. The speech last for five minutes and is 100% pro-Christ. Unfortunately, it's probably one of the last films where a priest is shown in high regard.

In any event, for either its Christian themes or its ground breaking performances, On the Waterfront is a great film to watch for any generation.

Happy 83rd Year on the Planet, Dad!

My father turns 83 today. Happy birthday, my father. My dad's greatest passion, other than golf, of course, is children. He has the rare talent, gift really, of being able to identify with children, to get down on their level and communicate with them. I am grateful that he has passed that along to me.

I love going home and playing with my children. I loved making "tea" with my daughter when she was four or rough-housing with my son. I've been Ken to my daughter's Barbie and I've been Darth Vader to my son's Luke Skywalker. And I have enjoyed every minute.

Thanks Dad, for sharing your adulthood with my childhood so that I may do the same with my kids.

Have a GREAT birthday, Pops.

Baseball Summer

About a week ago we got a call from a little league coach saying that there were some spots available for an 11-12 year old summer baseball camp. I reminded him Gabe was only 10, but he was sure Gabe was good enough to play. So, we got a discounted rate (it's a professional camp) and the team practices for eight weeks, then plays a tournament in Cocoa Beach during Labor Day weekend. Gabe said "We get to stay in a hotel and then play a baseball game? That's like the major leaguers!" He is very excited.

The company, called The Winning Inning, is a Christian baseball training group that has a lot of ex-major leaguers & minor leaguers as trainers and even the occasional Devil Ray will stop by from time to time.

So, Gabe's in seventh heaven. All of the players in this camp he either played with or played against during the recent all-star tournament... even some of those dreaded Countryside players are now his teammates. He's learning a lot, is one of the better pitchers and just loves playing baseball.

I'll share pics of the tournament when it happens.

The Russians Are Coming! The Russians Are Coming! (1966)

In the great spirit of one of my all time favorite films, It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World, the ensemble chaotic comedy The Russians Are Coming! The Russians Are Coming! is a madcap Cold War comedy about a Russian sub that gets stuck off the coast of Gloucester.

When the crew sneaks onto the island to simply borrow a boat, everything goes very badly. Written by Carl Reiner, directed by Norman Jewison and containing many of the Mad, Mad cast, Russians is a fun and satisfying comedy that introduced Alan Arkin to American film fans.

Arkin, as Lt. Rozanov, leads a group of Russians through the island and stumble across Carl Reiner, Eva Marie Saint and their family as the prepare to end their summer vacation. Reiner is prodded by the Russians for assistance while Reiner's son, played wonderfully by a loud Sheldon Collins, keeps demanding the death of the Russians and the arrest of his father for treason.

Along the line Brian Keith, playing the small town sheriff and Jonathan Winters, playing his deputy, try to keep the rumors and the town militia under control as they follow every hair-brained idea of where the Russians are and what they are doing.

Though not in the same class as the immortal Mad, Mad, World, Russians still is a nice piece of mid-1960s clean comedy and is worthy of a revisit on occasion.

The Bourne Ultimatum (2007)

The Bourne Ultimatum, the third of the Bourne films fits perfectly into the series, full of great stunts, non-stop action and plenty of plot twists. Matt Damon, probably one of the best actors working today and one that will most likely go down as one of the best American actors ever, revisits his Jason Bourne character. In The Bourne Identity Jason Bourne must uncover who he is, in The Bourne Supremacy, Bourne seeks revenge on those who want him dead and in The Bourne Ultimatum, Bourne seeks to find those responsible for his life as an assassin.

At the very end of the Supremacy, the second film, Bourne gets a tip from a high level inside source about his true identity. What's really interesting and inventive about Ultimatum is that this film actually starts out six weeks prior to that and that moment where Bourne is informed by the high level source doesn't happen until two-thirds through Ultimatum. Very cool stuff. And, beyond that, the meaning of the message is completely different than you thought it was at the end of Supremacy.

Directed with frenetic hand-held style of Paul Greengrass, Ultimatum is a great piece of the Bourne puzzle, yet falls into a close second to Supremacy, which is catapulted to the top spot because it has one of the best car chases ever put on film.

It's been said that the Bourne films are a modern day Bond replacement and that very well may be true. Gone are the cheeky comments, the "evil man wants to take over the world" scenarios in Bond flicks and are replaced by personal vendettas and unflinching amoralism of a trained killer. Daniel Craig, as the new Bond, has injected new life into that franchise because of his macho charm and a reimaging of the Bond films, but right now, Damon and his Bourne trilogy have the upper hand.

In the end, if Bourne and Bond battle it out at the box office, I think we'll all be winners. As for The Bourne Ultimatum, it's another butt-kicking good time at the theater.

Simpsonize Yourself

If you go to Simpsonizeme.com you can upload a 640 x 480 pixel picture of yourself and it will analyze it and create a Simpsonized version of yourself you can then further manipulate with hair changes, scars, glasses, clothes, etc.

Check it out. BTW - I pasted my Simpsonized version of myself on my old pic and filled in the missing pieces in the background to make it match.

Before and After

Forgiven First Draft Completed

The first draft of the edgy short Christian film called Forgiven has been completed. The 30 page (which equals 30 minutes) script was finally completed today. I didn't want the film to exceed 30 minutes, so I was happy to wrap it up in 30 pages.

I'll be honest, the writing of this short has been exceedingly challenging. The story went through numerous starts and stops, rewrites, re-imagining, re-creation, etc. But, the end result is very close to my original intent. I kept praying the entire time, hoping that my words were somehow fulfilling God's will. Only time will tell.

I'm hoping this film will not only set the tone for future Sonlight Pictures projects, but also could be used to fund our four feature films we have planned, two of which have been completely written and another two which are in development.

There will be a couple of small rewrites in this scripts future... all scripts are rewritten, tightened, made better. So, now I am going to start the process of formulating a production team, find a location and determine casting goals.

Hot Fuzz (2007)

Hot Fuzz is a hilarious movie. For anyone who grew up in the 80's watching action movies such as Lethal Weapon, Bad Boys or Point Break, you'll love this film. Hot Fuzz is directed by Edgar Wright and co-written by Wright and lead actor Simon Pegg, the same team that brought the humorous take on the zombie flick called Shaun of the Dead.

The story revolves around a London super cop, Nick Angel (Pegg), who's so good that he's making the rest of the department look bad. He's shipped off to the crime-free village of Sandford where he is partnered with simpleton, yet overeager police officer, Danny Butterman, played wonderfully by Nick Frost. As a series of grisly accidents rocks the village, Angel is convinced that Sandford is not what it seems.

What is amazing about this film is that it starts out as a complete parody of 80's action films and then ends up actually being an 80's action film. I haven't laughed this hard during a movie in a very long time. There is time after time that the film subtlety makes fun at ultra-macho action films, then a moment later pays homage to them at the same time. It takes shot at the cop buddy movies then becomes a cop buddy movie. It is a delicate, yet extremely satisfying combination.

When the simple Butterman finds out Angel's super career achievements he asks naive, yet very funny questions based on Butterman's only exposure to super cops... Hollywood action flicks. He asks "Have you ever shot a gun diving through the air?" "Have you ever shot two guns diving through the air?" "Have you ever shot your gun straight up in the air while screaming because you couldn't kill a criminal that ended up being someone you knew?" And Pegg's portrayal of Angel as a massively serious crime fighter only adds to the fun, layering in a fish-out-of-water element as Angel tries to fit into life in a small rural town.

The movie has some surprisingly violent acts, catapulting the film to an R rating, but the violence actually ends up heightening the emotion, thereby making the humor that much more effective. There's also enough adult language sprinkled in to validate the R rating, but it fits in line with the style of the film.

For the last half hour of this film my wife and I didn't stop laughing once. If you are a fan of any of the Lethal Weapon movies, or Bad Boys movies or Arnold S. action flicks, you will enjoy this film. I'm surprised this film didn't do better at the box office because it is one of the most original and funny movies released in years. Hot Fuzz is great fun.

Global Warming Skit

Okay, here's another one on global warming...

© 2007 Pete Bauer

***********

              INT. OFFICE - DAY

             THOMAS and ALISON, both young office workers,
             sit in their cubes working quietly.

             After a moment, Alison pulls at her collar.

                                 ALISON
                       Is it hot in here?

                                 THOMAS
                       I didn't notice.

                                 ALISON
                       You don't feel that?  It's
                       stifling!

                                 THOMAS
                       No... oh, the air conditioner just
                       went off.

                                 ALISON
                       I'm burning up!  This is a
                       catastrophe.

                                 THOMAS
                       The air will come back on.  It's
                       cyclical.  It gets a little cooler
                       then it gets a little warmer...
                       it's been happening since we've
                       been in this building.

                                 ALISON
                           (accusingly)
                       What did you do!

                                 THOMAS
                       What?

                                 ALISON
                       What did you do to cause this?

                                 THOMAS
                       Ah... nothing?

                                 ALISON
                       That's so like you, to act like you
                       don't have any effect on the rest
                       of us.

                                 THOMAS
                       I didn't say that.  The air went
                       off.  That's all.  It will come
                       back on.

                                 ALISON
                       How do you know that!?!  You don't
                       know that!  How could you possibly
                       know that!

                                 THOMAS
                       Well, I've worked here longer than
                       you have and-

                                 ALISON
                       I'm not asking for your opinion,
                       facts or conjectures.  This
                       discussion is closed!

                                 THOMAS
                       It is?

                                 ALISON
                       Yes!

                                 THOMAS
                       How can you say that when you don't
                       have all of the information?

                                 ALISON
                       Like what?

                                 THOMAS
                       Well, there's a lot of people in
                       this building.  And plants and even
                       some fish, I think.  Plus, the air
                       conditioner is a very complex
                       instrument.  There are a lot of
                       variables in play.  Just because
                       it's one degree hotter in here
                       doesn't mean it's not normal.

                                 ALISON
                       Then you agree, it is hotter in
                       here!  We're all doomed!  We have
                       to mobilize.  Get people to change
                       what they do to reduce the
                       temperature!

                                 THOMAS
                           (keeps working)
                       We're not really doing much of
                       anything, comparatively speaking.

                                 ALISON
                       Stop your typing!

                                 THOMAS
                       What?

                                 ALISON
                       Stop your typing!!!!

                                 THOMAS
                       I can't.  If I stop typing then my
                       project will fail.

                                 ALISON
                       Then slow it down.

                                 THOMAS
                       You want me to be less efficient?

                                 ALISON
                       For the sake of mankind!

                                 THOMAS
                       Look, last week there was a temp in
                       here that said we were all going to
                       die due to cubical cooling.  Some
                       other guy complained that his cube
                       wasn't big enough and we were over
                       crowded.  Now you're telling me the
                       office is going to self-destruct
                       because the air conditioner went
                       off?

                                 ALISON
                       What's your point?

                                 THOMAS
                       Well, I've worked here the entire
                       time and nothing's happened.

                                 ALISON
                       That's because you weren't paying
                       attention.

                                 THOMAS
                       Do you really think that the speed
                       of my typing is the critical
                       component as to why the temperature
                       rose by one degree?

                                 ALISON
                       Absolutely!  Everyone knows this.

             She pulls a JANITOR into the cube.

                                 ALISON (CONT'D)
                           (referring to Janitor)
                       The smartest people in this
                       building agree with me.

             She shoves the Janitor out.

                                 ALISON (CONT'D)
                           (to Thomas)
                       You're so callous.  So uncaring.
                       How could you just sit there and do
                       your job and ignore the impending
                       catastrophe?

                                 THOMAS
                           (stops, turns to her)
                       Prove to me the air conditioner
                       won't come back on and I'll believe
                       you.

             Alison sits there stumped.  Thomas returns to
             typing.  Alison looks to her cup of ice water.

                                 ALISON
                           (points to cup)
                       The ice in my cup is melting!

                                 THOMAS
                       So?

                                 ALISON
                           (frantic)
                       It's going to overflow and spill
                       onto my desk!  My work area will be
                       reduced by fifty percent!  My
                       efficiency in the office will be
                       reduced, I'll lose my job, I won't
                       be able to buy food and I'LL DIE!
                           (flailing)
                       WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!

             She collapses onto the floor.  Thomas' fingers
             continue to POUND the keyboard.
                               
             Alison peeks one eye open and looks up to the
             ceiling.

                                 ALISON
                       Do you see that?  The ceiling is
                       falling!

             Thomas looks up to the ceiling air vent.

                                 THOMAS
                       It's the air.  It turned back on.

The Notorious Bettie Page (2005)

Bettie Page has evolved into an iconic figure of 50's pin-ups and is probably the best known model from the beginnings of the specialized bondage niche photography. A lot of people have seen Bettie Page's face but few actually know who she was and to where this mysterious women has gone.

The film The Nortorious Bettie Page follows the development and eventual moral salvation of Bettie Page, played wonderfully by the under-appreciated Gretchen Mol. Coming from a rural and abusive home, her life is greatly influenced by her faith. As she matures and leaves the strict confines of her family, she explores new horizons in New York as an actress.

In the 1950's what was then called pornography (which is very tame by today's standards) was an underground and illegal endeavor. In order for connoisseurs of such material to acquire any, they formed photography clubs and hired models to pose. Through happenstance and a series of events, Bettie Page ended up being one of the most used and successful models of this underground movement. According to the film, Page's participation was constantly conflicted. Part of her personality was a very free spirit, but it battled with her strong faithful upbringing. She was able to continue working toward an acting career as a model for hire, but it never sat well with her.

At one point, in acting class, she gives a riveting performance of torment and suffering. The teacher, surprised, asked what she was drawing from. She said "I'm thinking about all of my sins that have offended Jesus."

The Notorious Bettie Page is film that not only explores the growth of underground bondage photography of the 1950's through the iconic Bettie Page, but it is more about Page's moral journey of sacrifice, mistakes and a longing for moral happiness. At the end we find Bettie having shunned her previous life and, instead, working as a street preacher, trying to save souls.

A special nod should go to Gretchen Mol for her performance as Page. Even though the film's pacing is uneven at times, Mol's performance is fearless. There are times when an actor feels naked in their performance because they are opening themselves up to uncomfortable levels. Mol's performance does this both figuratively and literally and her bravery at capturing such a free spirit is what truly carries the film.

The film, in many ways, is very Old Testament. It's full of sin and illicit behavior, but in the end, it's about a person's journey toward salvation and forgiveness.

Separation of Church & State Myth Skit

So, during lunch I created a quick little Theater of the Obvious logo...

And here's another skit I wrote during lunch, this one on the Separation of Church and State myth. These are fun to write.

© 2007 Pete Bauer

********

        INT. RESTAURANT - DAY

        CHEF DAVID hands out his guidelines to his wait
        staff, including DANTE and JANE.

                            CHEF DAVID
                  Okay, so here are our new
                  guidelines.  Look it over and let
                  me know if you have any questions.

                            DANTE
                      (scanning the guidelines)
                  So our two main condiments are
                  catsup and mustard?

                            CHEF DAVID
                  Yes.  They're the cornerstone of
                  our menu.  It's what makes our
                  restaurant so popular and so
                  strong.

                            DANTE
                  You say right here that people can
                  freely use mustard, but that we,
                  the wait staff, should not
                  establish the use of mustard as the
                  only condiment.

                            CHEF DAVID
                  Correct.

                            DANTE
                  Sounds simple.

                            CHEF DAVID
                  It is.

                            DANTE
                  But, sir, I had a customer in our
                  restaurant yesterday request we put
                  mustard on their hamburger.

                            CHEF DAVID
                  Okay.

                            DANTE
                  Well, you've stated here that there
                  is a clear separation between
                  catsup and mustard.

                            CHEF DAVID
                  No I didn't.

                            DANTE
                  Yes you did.  By putting mustard on
                  our customer's hamburger, we are,
                  by default, establishing the use of
                  mustard, which you have expressly
                  stated we should not do.

                            CHEF DAVID
                  No we're not.  Catsup and mustard
                  can coexist.  If a customer wants
                  mustard on their hamburger in this
                  restaurant, it doesn't mean we are
                  establishing mustard as the only
                  condiment, we are merely allowing
                  our customers to freely exercise
                  their use of mustard on restaurant
                  property.  There's a difference.

                            DANTE
                  No there isn't.

                            CHEF DAVID
                  Yes, there is.  I wrote the
                  guidelines.  I know what I
                  intended.

                            DANTE
                  No you don't.

                            CHEF DAVID
                  Yes, I do.

        Another waiter, JANE, chimes in.

                            JANE
                  Excuse me, sir, as the
                  representative of American
                  Condiment Liberties Union I have to
                  agree with Dante.  You clearly
                  intended that catsup and mustard
                  should never be combined.

                            CHEF DAVID
                  No I did not.

                            JANE
                  Yes you did.  Your guidelines are
                  open to interpretation and the way
                  we interpret it is that there is a
                  clear separation between catsup and
                  mustard.  Just ask the media.
                  They'll agree with us.

                            CHEF DAVID
                  No where in my guidelines are the
                  words "separation of catsup and
                  mustard" ever stated.

                            DANTE
                  But that's what you meant.

                            CHEF DAVID
                  No I didn't.

                            JANE
                  Yes you did.

                            CHEF DAVID
                  Look, I came from a restaurant
                  where the chef mandated mustard and
                  mustard only.  So, what I'm saying
                  here is that if people want to use
                  mustard, they can.  But, we won't
                  establish it as the only condiment.

                            JANE
                  Exactly.  No mustard and catsup
                  together.

                            CHEF DAVID
                  That's not what I said.

                            DANTE
                  Yes it is.

                            CHEF DAVID
                  No it isn't.

                            JANE
                  We are okay with people requesting
                  relish, onions and even pickles.
                  But mustard is out.  We will never
                  recognize the use of mustard.

                            CHEF DAVID
                  What?

                            DANTE
                  Agreed.  If we allow customers to
                  use mustard on our food we are
                  establishing the use of mustard as
                  the only condiment and that would
                  offend the relish, onion and pickle
                  lovers.

                            CHEF DAVID
                  How would it do that?

                            JANE
                  And we must therefore never allow
                  mustard to be used or even
                  recognized by this restaurant.

                            CHEF DAVID
                  What?

                            JANE
                  If people want to use mustard in
                  the privacy of their own home,
                  that's okay, but any use of mustard
                  on restaurant property clearly
                  defies the mandated separation of
                  catsup and mustard and is therefore
                  prohibited.  As a matter of fact,
                  if anyone even suggests using
                  mustard on restaurant property, we
                  should take them to court!

                            DANTE
                  Here here!

                            CHEF DAVID
                  Wait a minute!  You've completely
                  misunderstood what I wrote.
                  Mustard is a good condiment.  I was
                  raised in a family of mustard
                  lovers.  This restaurant was
                  founded on the use of mustard.  How
                  can you say that it should be
                  excluded from the restaurant?

                            JANE
                  Because that's what our lawyers say
                  you meant.

                            CHEF DAVID
                  But I only want to allow other
                  condiments to be recognized in our
                  restaurant, not to exclude mustard
                  from the restaurant as a whole.

        Dante returns with a box of mustard packets.

                            DANTE
                  I'm getting these off restaurant
                  grounds.  And any public
                  recognition of mustard must be
                  removed immediately.

                            JANE
                  Agreed.

        Chef David hands Jane his hat.

                            JANE (CONT'D)
                  Where are you going?

                            CHEF DAVID
                  I don't know.  But this isn't the
                  restaurant I founded.  I don't even
                  recognize it anymore.

                                                       FADE OUT.

Dark Passage (1947)

Falling into the film noir genre, Dark Passage, starring the then newly married Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall, revolves around a wrongly accused escaped convict who finds comfort and assistance in the beautiful Bacall while trying to clear his name. What is most interesting about this particular film is that the first half of it takes place almost entirely from the viewpoint of the convict (Bogart). You don't see his face until after he's had illegal facial surgery to alter his looks.

Once Bogart actually appears on film the story falls into a great number of clichés, convenient coincidences and the most consecutive series of accidental deaths all pointing to the same innocent convict... well, it's a little much to take.

For example, Bogart's character says he didn't kill his wife (the reason for his incarceration). He visits his friend, who ends up dead, Bogart's fingerprints on the murder weapon (a trumpet), but he didn't do it. He then confronts the real murderer behind all of the deaths (Agnes Moorehead) only to have her accidentally fall out of the window and to her death on the street below, again with all real evidence pointing to Bogart.

What a bad week!

Tack on a quite simplistic, happy ending and what started out as one of the most inventive film noir films in cinematic history ends up being a complete mess. Too bad.

Capote (2005)

Truman Capote was a famous author in the 1950s who's career ultimately culminated in the publication of the non-fiction book In Cold Blood, about two men accused of killing a family of four in rural Kansas. The film Capote is about the lengths and convenient mis-truths Capote engaged in to reach his goal of getting inside the head of one of the killers. It is both a subtle and effective film.

Shot beautifully by director Bennett Miller and cinematographer Adam Kimmel, the story follows Capote, played so effortlessly and convincingly by Philip Seymour Hoffman, from the time he reads about the murders in the New York Times through the next four years until the men are put to death. In a move that exemplifies Capote's commitement and ruthlessness to get the information he needs, he hires a lawyer to put the appeals motion in place, not because he believes the men are innocent, but to buy him more time to build trust with one of the murderers as to get his version of the events that night.

Other wonderful actors include Catherine Keeler, who plays a friend and Capote assistant Nelle Harper Lee, who also happened to write To Kill A Mockingbird, Chris Cooper as lead detective Alvin Dewey and Bruce Greenwood as fellow writer and Capote companion Jack Dunphy. The film does a wonderful job of weaving in the social life of writers in the 1950s, the vibrancy of New Yorks literary scene and the self-centered and often contradictory drives that propel Capote to write his most successful book.

This is a wonderful, exceptional film without a false note. Nor does it use any Hollywood cliches. In a media that been around over 100 years, it is rare to find a truly unique film. Capote is one such film.

The Worst Fortune Ever

Carolyn, the receptionist in our building, got what I consider to be the worst fortune cookie fortune ever. It said...

"Your problem just got bigger.
Think. What have you done!"

So uplifting, isn't it? I have never seen a negative fortune before. Too funny.

If Drug Ed Were Taught Like Sex Ed Skit

Continuing what I have called The Theater of the Obvious, yesterday at lunch I wrote a skit about if drug education were taught like sex education in our schools. This would be a little harder to shoot, but could still be done in a day.

© 2007 Pete Bauer

*****

          INT. SCHOOL - DAY

          MR. MICHAELS stands in front of the classroom,
          a box of items on his desk.  STUDENTS, including
          CATHERINE, sit in the class.

                              MR. MICHAELS
                    Drug Education.  That's our topic
                    this week.  It's important to
                    remember not to do drugs.  After
                    all, most of you aren't even old
                    enough to drive, so how can we
                    expect that you'd know whether or
                    not to engage in drug use?

          Mr. Michaels pulls the box next to him.

                              MR. MICHAELS (CONT'D)
                    So, today, I'm going to show you
                    how to shoot up on heroin.
                        (pulling items out
                         individually)
                    First, you'll need some heroin.  A
                    spoon.  A lighter.  Oh, and of
                    course, your needle and tourniquet.
                    Now, the first-

                              CATHERINE
                        (raises her hand)
                    Excuse me, Mr. Michaels?

                              MR. MICHAELS
                    Yes, Catherine?

                              CATHERINE
                    Well, if you really don't want us
                    to do drugs then why are you
                    showing us how to shoot up on
                    heroin?

                              MR. MICHAELS
                    Well, Catherine, you are correct,
                    we do NOT want you to do drugs!
                    Engaging in drug use can lead to
                    addiction, acquiring life
                    threatening diseases as well as
                    other numerous unwanted outcomes.
                    So, yes, we definitely do NOT want
                    you to take drugs of any kind.
                        (beat)
                    Now, where was I?  Oh, yes,
                    preparing the heroin.

                              CATHERINE
                    Excuse me?

                              MR. MICHAELS
                        (sighs)
                    Yes, Catherine?

                              CATHERINE
                    So, if the only way avoid becoming
                    addicted or catch a disease or have
                    unwanted outcomes is NOT to take
                    drugs, then why are you showing us
                    how to use heroin?

                              MR. MICHAELS
                    Well, it's quite complex, really.
                    You see, our society has lowered
                    our expectations of our youth so
                    low that, instead of teaching you
                    simple self control, we've decided
                    to teach everyone how to use drugs
                    safely.

                              CATHERINE
                    But doesn't that just encourage us
                    to do drugs?

                              MR. MICHAELS
                    Now, Catherine, you don't want to
                    remain ignorant, do you?  I mean,
                    you're not afraid of knowledge, are
                    you?

                              CATHERINE
                    No!  But, I just thought that if
                    the best choice for teens is not to
                    take drugs that maybe we should
                    gear our education toward that,
                    instead of the other way around.

                              MR. MICHAELS
                    You lost me.

                              CATHERINE
                    I mean, I want to know what happens
                    if I take heroin...

                              MR. MICHAELS
                    Good.

                              CATHERINE
                    But does it make sense to show us
                    one behavior and expect us to act
                    the opposite?

                              MR. MICHAELS
                    Catherine?

                              CATHERINE
                    Yes?

                              MR. MICHAELS
                    What am I?

                              CATHERINE
                    A teacher.

                              MR. MICHAELS
                    And what are you?

                              CATHERINE
                    A student.

                              MR. MICHAELS
                    And what does that mean?

                              CATHERINE
                    I don't know.

                              MR. MICHAELS
                    It means I'm smarter than you.  The
                    educators in our schools have
                    determined kids today simply can't
                    control themselves, so we're going
                    to show you how to take drugs
                    properly and safely... even though
                    you shouldn't take any drugs... but
                    in case you do... even though we
                    don't want you to... but we're
                    teaching it to you anyway... so you
                    won't do it.
                        (smiles)
                    I don't understand why this is so
                    hard for you to understand.  It's
                    really quite simple.

          He holds up the needle.

                              MR. MICHAELS (CONT'D)
                    Now, remember, never share needles.
                    Well, let me rephrase that... I
                    don't want to offend anyone.  Some
                    of you may want to share needles
                    and if you do that's okay, but it
                    can lead to very serious diseases
                    such as HIV, but that's okay, just
                    make sure you get checked out every
                    year, just in case.

                              CATHERINE
                        (raises hand)
                    Excuse me?

                              MR. MICHAELS
                        (frustrated)
                    Yes, Catherine!

                              CATHERINE
                    Well, isn't the best way to make
                    sure you don't get a disease is not
                    to use the needle in the first
                    place?

                              MR. MICHAELS
                    Then how would you shoot up on
                    heroin?

                              CATHERINE
                    That's my point... you wouldn't.

                              MR. MICHAELS
                    I thought we've been through this!
                        (class bells sound)
                    Okay, we're out of time today.
                    Tomorrow we'll go over shooting up
                    on heroin, snorting cocaine and the
                    drug of choice you've seen on the
                    music television channel, taking
                    meth!

          The kids stand and gather their books.

                              MR. MICHAELS (CONT'D)
                    And remember, don't do drugs!

U.S. Immigration Skit

I once heard someone compare the border security issue in the U.S. to someone breaking into your house. At lunch yesterday I took that idea and wrote out this simple sketch. I'm thinking of video taping it and throwing it up on You Tube... what do you think?

© 2007 Pete Bauer

*****

                                             FADE IN.

            INT. HOUSE - EVENING

            A woman, KATE, enters her home to find MIKEY
            sitting at the bar in her kitchen, eating a
            sandwich.

                                KATE
                      Who are you?

                                MIKEY
                      I'm Mikey.  I lived in the house
                      behind your's.

                                KATE
                      What are you doing here?

                                MIKEY
                      Well, you have a really nice house.

                                KATE
                      Thank you.

                                MIKEY
                      Probably the best house in the
                      entire neighborhood.

                                KATE
                      Okay.

                                MIKEY
                      So, I thought I'd come over and
                      live here instead.

                                KATE
                      But I live here.

                                MIKE
                      I mean, your house is much better
                      than mine!  So, I thought I'd come
                      over and share it with you.

                                KATE
                      But this is my house.  I was born
                      in this house.

                                MIKEY
                      I know, but you've got plenty of
                      room.  All of those empty bedrooms.

                                KATE
                      I know, but, maybe I'm not making
                      myself clear...

                                MIKEY
                          (interrupts)
                      Look, I noticed, no offense, that
                      your house was kinda messy, so I
                      cleaned up a bit.  I'm a very hard
                      worker.

                                KATE
                          (notices his work)
                      Yes, it is very clean.  You did a
                      good job.

                                MIKEY
                      I work very hard.  I'm a very nice
                      guy, really.  You can trust me.

                                KATE
                      But you broke into my house.

                                MIKEY
                      That's because your house was
                      better than mine.

                                KATE
                      But, how can I trust you if the
                      first thing you did is break into
                      my house?

                                MIKEY
                      Oh, you're one of those.

                                KATE
                      One of what?

                                MIKEY
                      One of those who automatically
                      assume because I come from the
                      other neighborhood that I'm not
                      trustworthy.

                                KATE
                      No, that's not it at all.

                                MIKEY
                      You're a bigot.

                                KATE
                      I am not!  This has nothing to do
                      with whether I like you or not,
                      it's about what you've done to get
                      here.

                                MIKEY
                      But you have more than I do, so I
                      want some of it.  Besides, I'm
                      willing to work for it.

                                KATE
                      I already have people who clean my
                      house.

                                MIKEY
                      I'll do it cheaper.

                                KATE
                      That's not the point.  When I hire
                      someone I check the references, do
                      background checks, make sure
                      they're not dangerous.  I don't
                      know anything about you.

                                MIKEY
                      I'm very nice.  You'll see.

                                KATE
                      Look, Mikey, I don't think you're
                      understanding me...

                                MIKEY
                          (winces)
                      Oh, listen, I think I pulled my
                      back cleaning up your garage, so
                      I'm going to need you to take me to
                      the doctor.

                                KATE
                      Oh, do you have insurance?

                                MIKEY
                      No, I can't afford that!  I figured
                      you'd pay for it.  I mean, if you
                      can afford this house you certainly
                      can afford to pay when I hurt
                      myself.

                                KATE
                      But-

                                MIKEY
                      Oh, and my brother-in-law, well,
                      he's one of those people you
                      mentioned before... you know, got
                      into a lot of trouble in the old
                      neighborhood.  Well, he followed me
                      over here and broke your lawn elf,
                      so I locked him in the shed in the
                      backyard.  He's not a nice guy.

                                KATE
                      Well, why doesn't he just go home.

                                MIKEY
                      Well, he's locked up in the shed
                      now.  We'll have to wait until he
                      deserves to come out.  Oh, he'll
                      need cable television and for you
                      to pay for the electricity and food
                      while he's in there.  And health
                      costs, of course.

                                KATE
                      Of course.

            The window opens in the room and another person
            sneaks in and disappears into the back of her
            house.

                                KATE (CONT'D)
                      Who's that?

                                MIKEY
                      I don't know.  He lives in my
                      neighborhood, but I've never met
                      him personally.  But, I'm sure he's
                      okay.

                                KATE
                      How do you know that?

                                MIKEY
                      I don't.  But, I'm sure he's okay.
                      You can trust him too.

                                KATE
                      Look, I have people in my house all
                      the time.  People from all of the
                      different neighborhoods, including
                      your's, have come here and are
                      welcome to stay.  But, there's a
                      process.  You have to apply, I make
                      sure you're okay, and THEN I let
                      you stay here.

                                MIKEY
                      You don't mean that!  You don't
                      have any locks on your doors or
                      windows!  If you really didn't
                      want people to walk into your
                      house whenever they wanted, surely
                      you'd lock your doors and windows,
                      wouldn't you?

                                KATE
                      Well, I got approval to put the
                      locks on my doors and some of my
                      windows, but I haven't gotten the
                      money yet.

                                MIKEY
                      You see?

            Another person sneaks into the house and hides
            behind the couch.

                                KATE
                      And who's that?

                                MIKEY
                      I have no idea.  He isn't from my
                      neighborhood, but he must have come
                      through my house to get to yours.

                                KATE
                      Why is he hiding?

                                MIKEY
                      I have no idea.

                                KATE
                      Because a few years ago some people
                      hiding behind my couch were
                      responsible for destroying part of
                      my house and some people died.

                                MIKEY
                      Well, I don't know who he is.  Now,
                      let's get back to the important
                      stuff.  Listen, as you can see,
                      there's quite a few of us in here.
                      Why don't you just toss out that
                      whole "making sure we're okay"
                      thingy and just make us permanent
                      house guests?

                                KATE
                      Because the rules are in place for
                      a reason.  They protect this house.

                                MIKEY
                      But, I'm not a bad guy!

                                KATE
                      You may not be, but what about
                      everyone else that's snuck in here?

                                MIKEY
                      I have no idea.  Oh, and I think,
                      speaking for those of us who've
                      recently moved in, we'd like to
                      talk to you about the rules of the
                      house overall.  You know, have a
                      say in how the house is run.  Stuff
                      like that.

                                KATE
                      But you don't live here!

                                MIKEY
                      Sure I do.

                                KATE
                      But you broke into my house!

                                MIKEY
                      I didn't break in, I moved in.
                      Now, you should know that my first
                      language is not your first
                      language, so I think you need to
                      start speaking in my language too.

                                KATE
                      But-

                                MIKEY
                      We already covered that you'll pick
                      up the cost of our medical bills
                      and for those locked up in the
                      shed.

                                KATE
                      But-

                                MIKEY
                      Now, here's something a lot of us
                      would like to change... your house
                      colors... red, white and blue.
                      C'mon!  We have some other ideas.

                                KATE
                      Why won't anyone listen to me!

                                                FADE OUT.

Blood Diamond (2006)

Edward Zwick loves the redemption of the seemingly unredemptive. The director of Glory and The Last Samurai continues stories of courageous acts of redemption by seriously flawed men during war time with the powerful and disturbing Blood Diamond. The story takes place in 1999 Sierra Leone during a brutal civil war and focuses around three main characters, a diamond smuggler, Danny Archer (Leonardo DiCaprio), Solomon Vandy (Djimon Hounsou), a simple fisherman who's family gets torn apart in the civil war and Maddy Bowen (Jennifer Connelly) who's a reporter looking for an inside source into diamond smuggling and its ties to the increasing arm sales in the region and the violence associated with the civil war.

When Solomon is forced into slave work looking for diamonds he finds a very rare large pink diamond. He sees it as leverage to getting his family back, Archer sees it as his way out of Africa and his failed life and Maddy sees it as the key to her story. They all see it as an opportunity for their own success and are willing to use each other as much as is required to get what they want. Through this journey the layers of the society and the effect of the civil war on the population is shown in unflinching frankness. Blood Diamond is often violent, but it uses that violence with great power. It shows children being taught to kill. It shows those children later slaughtering entire villages, then celebrating with drugs and alcohol, lead in this evil orgy by their captive leaders who effectively brainwash them into a life of extreme violence.

There are currently over 200,000 child soldiers in Africa and such tribal and internal genocide continues today. Blood Diamond, which focuses on the abuse of conflict diamonds, western greed and societal power struggles, shows to tremendous effect the complete disregard for human life in some areas of the world and how hopeless it all seems. Yet, like in Glory and The Last Samurai, Zwick offers light and hope in the form of individual heroism and sacrifice. If one person in a world of hate can understand selfessness, then maybe we can all be saved from our own greed.

Blood Diamond, like The Last Samurai, was hailed by critics yet under viewed by the mass audience. They are two very powerful, very important films about the power of redemption in our lives. Zwick has found his niche and with every subsequent film is becoming a master at presenting the eternal effect of salvation.

The Godfather (1972)

As a movie maniac there are certain films every one of my friends believes I've seen that I have not actually watched. The Godfather trilogy are three such films. It took me until late in college to "discover" Cary Grant and Alfred Hitchcock, until five years ago to see Casablanca and until 2007 to see The Godfather.

Part of the problem is that great films such as The Godfather have been commented on, parodied and quoted so often that there is not much of a surprise when watching it. I grew up watching Second City Television (SCTV) and their comedic version of it, I've seen the scene where Marlon Brando sticks an orange wedge in his mouth and scares a little kid before passing away on numerous documentaries about his life or the scene where James Caan gets gunned down or the guy finds the horse head in his bed and hec, I've even quoted "Perhaps one day you can do me a service" in my own Brando-esque way many times.

I guess that's the price I pay for waiting so long.

So, I sat down and watched the film for the first time and enjoyed myself, but was not overly moved because of the aforementioned exposure to the film. The most surprising aspect of the film, to me, is the lack of foul language. If the film was made today, I'm certain every third word would be of the four letter variety.

The film was satisfying and obviously accomplished on every level. The cinematography was tremendous and the performances excellent. I look forward to seeing The Godfather, Part II... maybe I'll find it a little less exposed and a little more refreshing than its landmark original.

Guaranteed Failure

You'll always miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

--Wayne Gretzky