Goin' Out To Cally – Part 52, Maiden Voyages To Nowhere

The Loneliest Road in America.

That’s what it said just below the Highway 50 sign. At least that’s what I thought it said. But it couldn’t have said that could it? I mean, who in modern society would publicize such a thing?

It couldn’t have said that. Perhaps I misread it. It must have said The Loveliest Road in America. That’s it! Must have said Loveliest. Of course, as my shift behind the wheel was in the middle of the night, I couldn’t really tell if it was the Loneliest or Loveliest. I could only spy the flashing of the white dividing line on the thin highway and the occasional glowing meteor streaking across the star-filled sky.

Having just filled up, we had plenty of gas. Plus, everyone else was fast asleep, so I couldn’t ask anyone to check the map. Well, I could have, but, to be honest, I was enjoying the silence and the lack of tension that was a by-product of everyone else being unconscious.

Assuming Tim and Beth checked the map carefully before finalizing this path, I was confident we would not run into any unexpected issues.

The road was relatively empty and my eyes were starting to glaze as my only focal point was the dotted white line on the road which continually flashed in front of me from the glow of the headlights. I shook myself awake and started humming to myself the first song that came into my mind.

The song? Step Into Tomorrow. The band? Maiden Voyage.

Maiden who, you ask? Maiden Voyage, of course. Maiden Voyage was well known all throughout our neighborhood on Tanglewood Drive. The band consisted of yours truly on drums, my brother Charles on guitar, Mike Rebane also on guitar and David McCallup on bass. Our goal was to be the first successful Christian rock band that would cross over to the pop charts. That’s why we named ourselves Maiden Voyage because no one had done it before.

David, Pete, Charles and Mike,
aka Maiden Voyage, during a rehearsal

We had two problems. One, we didn’t really have a lead singer. We tried a couple of people, David and Joe… but none of them really panned out. Our second and more basic problem was that we weren’t overtly talented. We were really good at sounding like a copy of a cover band that copies real bands, but we didn’t have our own style or inherent musical insight.

To misquote Abraham Lincoln, our music had the substance of a broth made from the shadow of an emaciated pigeon.

We did fill many o’ hours in our room blaring away. We were so loud that our mother mastered the ability to open the round door knob using her elbows because her hands were covering her ears. A truly talented woman, my mother.

Charles and Pete listening to one of
Maiden Voyage's recordings

We not only played our instruments, but we even tried our hand at song writing. Being “the writer” I ended up penning most of them… such memorable ditties as Alley Wanderer, Lisa and With Love Like This. But that Nevada night the song that leaped into my mind was not one of my own, but one Charles had written called Step Into Tomorrow… a love song about his relationship with his then girlfriend and now wife and mother of his eleven children.

That’s right… eleven kids. Must have been some song, huh?

Charles singing Step Into Tomorrow
during a rehearsal

As I hummed the lyrics to Tomorrow I was immediately thrust back seven years to my junior year in high school. Each year our church youth group would offer a Thanksgiving dinner for shut-ins and elderly who were usually stuck in nursing homes. We’d pick them up and bring them to our church cafeteria where the youth group would try to fill the hours while our guests were eating the Thanksgiving meal by putting on a variety show of tricks and skits.

It was at one of those Thanksgiving dinners that Maiden Voyage kicked off its one stop, one night only world tour. Not musically gifted, you say? No problem. We overcame our lack of talent by simply playing louder.

Charles, Mike and David

We had enlisted Joe to sing lead vocals and were planning on performing Hotel California by The Eagles and Stone In Love by Journey. Joe had a natural voice and our rehearsals in the days before went very well.

However, under the makeshift flood lights and having to perform in front of a large, elderly, immobile and hard of hearing audience, well, everything changed. We were all a little nervous and poor Joe’s throat tightened up. He strained and wheezed and struggled to hit the highest notes.

Everyone was suddenly feeling very awkward. The three guitarists, unable to watch the debacle unfold before them, all turned and faced me, their backs now to the audience. Stuck behind a drum set and unable to turn away from our elderly captives, I simply stared as Joe was left alone by his mutinous band members, his tiring voice straining to achieve even the most basic of notes.

Understandably, the audience of elder citizens looked on with confusion, wondering how all of the moments of their long and happy lives had somehow brought them to this one place on this one night where they suddenly found themselves stuck in a room full of loud teenagers, forced to listen to something resembling a combination of drunken music and animal torture.

"Was this their price for a free dinner? They didn’t say anything about audible torture when they picked us up at the nursing home." If they had any sense of direction or ability to actually stand, I’m sure they would have freely given up this chance at a free meal so they could escape Maiden Voyage’s memorable version of entertainment.

I gripped the steering wheel tightly as I winced in embarrassment of that once-forgotten memory. Those poor people. They deserved so much more than what we had given them. And poor Joe, left to hang out to dry by the band.

I shivered as a wave of shame washed over me.

My trip down memory lane was over rather abruptly, however, for when I looked up at the road my eyes widen with disbelief as I slammed on the brakes.

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Part 52, (Text, Audio)
Part 51, (Text, Audio) - Part 50, (Text, Audio) - Part 49, (Text, Audio)
Part 48, (Text, Audio) - Part 47, (Text, Audio) - Part 46, (Text, Audio)
Part 45, (Text, Audio) - Part 44, (Text, Audio) - Part 43, (Text, Audio)
Part 42, (Text, Audio) - Part 41, (Text, Audio) Part 40, (Text, Audio)
Part 39, (Text, Audio) - Part 38, (Text, Audio) - Part 37, (Text, Audio)
Part 36, (Text, Audio) - Part 35, (Text, Audio) - Part 34, (Text, Audio)
Part 33, (Text, Audio) - Part 32, (Text, Audio) - Part 31, (Text, Audio)
Part 30, (Text, Audio) - Part 29, (Text, Audio) - Part 28, (Text, Audio)
Part 27, (Text, Audio) - Part 26, (Text, Audio) - Part 25, (Text, Audio)
Part 24, (Text, Audio) - Part 23, (Text, Audio) - Part 22, (Text, Audio)
Part 21, (Text, Audio) - Part 20, (Text, Audio) - Part 19, (Text, Audio)
Part 18, (Text, Audio) - Part 17, (Text, Audio) - Part 16, (Text, Audio)
Part 15, (Text, Audio) - Part 14, (Text, Audio) - Part 13, (Text, Audio)
Part 12 (Text, Audio) - Part 11 (Text, Audio) - Part 10 (Text, Audio)
Part 09, (Text, Audio) - Part 08, (Text, Audio) - Part 07 (Text, Audio)
Part 06 (Text, Audio) - Part 05 (Text, Audio) - Part 04 (Text, Audio)
Part 03 (Text, Audio) - Part 02 (Text, Audio) - Part 01 (Text, Audio)